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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26332354">and i miss my lover, man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepers/pseuds/sleepers'>sleepers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A little funny, Aftermath of Violence, Depictions of Murder, F/M, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Meet-Ugly, Reader has backstory, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Some Description of Violence, Stalking, Threats of Violence, but this was a cute idea, code, family life, giving spencer the life he deserves, i dont know anything about computers, no beta read, or at least I think im funny, reader is a computer scientist, some description of ptsd, some description of smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:20:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26332354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepers/pseuds/sleepers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>People often say that love at first sight was plausible, but Reid knew it was a hoax. Or at least he thought its a hoax, he couldn't really speak about other people's experiences. Reid didn't really believe in falling in love in general really. It just wasn't something he thought about. He thought about facts, things he can compartmentalize and put into boxes in his mind. Love was not something he could easily grasp and put into a single box. Sure he loved his team, his friends, his family, but it wasn't the same as romantic love.</p>
<p>But right now, with you curled up next to him and the moonlight shining through the windows, casting shadows onto your cheeks and a soft smile on your lips, he thought that maybe, just maybe it was plausible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The one where you and Spencer don't talk about feelings and end up dating each other without knowing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>402</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiii<br/>I was thinking about Bones and the whole Pelant  arc and thinking about how the BAU would handle it. I am also getting inspiration from the Cicada 3301 conspiracy theory!</p><p>Note: I am not very knowledgeable about computers so hang in there with me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not like this was the end of the world really, it was honestly just a little bit of coffee. Coffee on your nice shirt. The nice shirt you were wearing to a job interview. That was happening in twenty minutes.</p><p>The man who had spilled his own coffee had jumped up from his seat, which was honestly prime real estate in your mind.</p><p>He had snagged a seat next to a big window with an armchair that just looked like it could swallow you whole in comfort, so you found it a bit odd for him to immediately be vacating it after just sitting down but you paid no mind to the wild-haired stranger and you stood up to get ready to leave the small cafe.</p><p>It was then that the misfortune happened, the man had bumped into you as you turned to grab your bag and hot coffee poured down your front.</p><p>“I am so sorry! Oh my god!”</p><p>You could feel your eye twitching as you tuned out the man blabbering apologizes to you to focus on dabbing the new stain forming on your cream blouse.</p><p>“I was in a hurry and I didn’t see you, I am so sorry. H-here! Take my jacket! I am so sorry but I just- I really gotta go!” He quickly grabs a pen from his bag and scribbles down numbers onto a spare napkin before draping his suit jacket onto your shoulders.</p><p>“Here’s my number, uh… to return my jacket, or you could keep it, I have plenty-” his rambling was cut off by a chirping noise that came from his phone. “I’m really sorry, but I really gotta go!”</p><p>And just like that, in a breeze, the man briskly exits the cafe and disappears into the crowded streets, and you were left there with his jacket.</p><p>You weighed your choices and decided against commuting back to your apartment to change. You just had enough time to get to your job interview so you put the jacket on and just hoped that the interviewer didn’t notice the stain on your blouse.</p><p>You grabbed the number scribbled on the napkin, stuffing it into the jacket pocket, and collected the rest of your things before leaving for your interview.</p><p> </p><p>The interview didn’t work out.</p><p>There was just a wave of arrogance when you saw the person interviewing you and you just knew that they saw the stain on your shirt and judged the jacket that didn’t fit right.</p><p>You were pretty pissed after exiting the building and into a crowd of people making their way home.</p><p>You thought this day couldn’t get any worse and as soon as you stuck your hand out to hail for a taxi, a car sped down the street a little too close to the curb and absolutely drenched you in puddle water.</p><p>You silently cursed to yourself as you tried to get off as much dirty water as you could before entering the cab. You absentmindedly rattled off your address before sticking your hand into the jacket pocket and pulling out a mush of napkin, the numbers that were previously written on it was totally unrecognizable other than a few digits.</p><p>The stranger did say you could keep the jacket. You thought about maybe just donating it to a local shelter but as soon as you got home and threw your clothes into the wash and fished out the rest of the small trinkets in the pockets to find an FBI identification card.</p><p>You immediately drop the laminated card and run through all the scenarios that could happen if they find out that you have a government ID and all the outcomes come out with you being in so much trouble.</p><p>The fastest way you could get rid of this issue was to return it, so you quickly grab your laptop from your bag and get to work on finding out who Spencer Reid is and how you could return his things.</p><p> </p><p>Garcia was left all alone once again, she sat in her tech cave and waited for a member on the team to contact her with something to look for.</p><p>She spun around a bit and picked up one of her figures and smiled at the cute little puppy and beeping from her main computer startled her causing her to fumble towards the computer.</p><p>Hotch had asked her to set up a system that alerted her if someone was digging a little too deep into the personal lives of the BAU and it never really popped up again until now.<br/>
Someone had hacked into the BAU’s Boy Genius file and was shifting through his personal information.</p><p>It absolutely dumbfounded her, she thought she created a system that was uncrackable but here she sits, desperately trying to stop this person from digging any deeper.</p><p>As she furiously tries to pull up more firewalls to stop the intruder from getting any farther into the system, the phone interrupts her train of thought and she quickly answers.</p><p>“Hey baby girl, I need to know who the victim was in contact with the night of the murder”<br/>
“Sweetness, I cannot do that, I am on all hands on deck, someone is trying to access Reid’s personal information,”</p><p>Garcia could hear shuffling on the phone and could only imagine the urgency on the other side of the line.<br/>
“Could it be our unsub?”“No. Our unsub never showed tendencies of stalking men,” JJ replied.</p><p>Garcia nodded to herself before her computer fritzed, the hacker was already in the main files, bypassing the new firewalls she had just put up.</p><p>“Guys, I’m really trying, but I cannot keep this person out!”</p><p>“Can you trace the hacker? If they’re just looking through our files, it might mean they’re after us. If we catch up and apprehend this person before they do anything it solves this.” Hotch says, taking control of the situation as fast as possible.</p><p>“On it.” She replies quickly, switching gears and trying to pinpoint where this person was located.</p><p>“Third and Main. Sending the address to you now,"</p><p> </p><p>Morgan quickly thanks Garcia as he climbs Into the driver’s seat, waiting to take off after JJ and Hotch climb in.</p><p>“This has to be another person, our unsub never showed stalker tendencies or even is skilled in computer hacking.”</p><p>Hotch nods, stoic as ever as he sends Reid a text to stay at the BAU with Garcia.<br/>
Once Morgan parks in front of a run-down apartment building, the three of them are off.</p><p>They’re careful to keep panic down from bystanders. At the door, Morgan looks at the three of them before knocking quite loudly, announcing that they’re in the FBI. After some time, with no reply, Morgan shuffles back before kicking the door down in one swift kick.</p><p>They storm inside the apartment and find a woman with big headphones covering her ears and furiously typing away on a computer. Even from where they stood, they could hear the soft crooning of Nat Cole emanating from the headphones.</p><p>“FBI!” Morgan announces, immediately being ignored by the woman.<br/>
“This is ridiculous” He mumbles, striding over and pushing the headphones down, JJ and Hotch backing him up with their hands on their weapon just in case.</p><p>You basically jump out of your seat, swiveling around in your chair and being faced by three unknown people in your apartment.</p><p>Your first instinct was to raise your hands above your head.<br/>
“L-Look, I don’t have much, but you can take it… Just not my computer please”</p><p>The three of them look at each other, basically communicating telepathically you think, and the next thing you know you’re being helped up by the tall man who looks like he could either be a model or even just break you in half if he lifted you up.</p><p>“We’re from the FBI. We need you to come with us.”</p><p>You nod numbly before realizing they’re probably here because you did some digging on Spencer Reid.</p><p>“C-Can I grab my jacket at least?” You ask and get a tentative nod from the man who looked like he belonged in Men In Black movie.</p><p>You slowly reach for the jacket that Spencer had given you, patting the pocket to make sure the ID was still in the pocket from when you put it back and nodded allowing for them to lead you out of your apartment and to their office.</p><p> </p><p>You sat in a conference room. It looked nice enough treatment for someone who hacked into government intel on one of their agents.</p><p>You’ve been sitting in the room for a while and you can see the three people who had come for you talking in the main area. No Spencer Reid insight so far.</p><p>The woman broke away from their little huddle and came to speak to you. She seemed kind and it didn’t seem like she was there to really quote-on-quote put the pressure on you to get the truth.</p><p>“Hey, Y/N. My name’s JJ I just have a few questions for you if that’s okay?”</p><p>You nodded tentatively, it must be a psychological thing. She’s trying to be kind to get more information out of you and if that doesn’t work, someone tougher would be coming in next.</p><p>“That’s fine,” you respond, adjusting the jacket in your lap and giving a small smile.<br/>
“I know this is out of the blue, but have you been keeping up with the news?”</p><p>You shake your head no, “I’ve been pretty absorbed in getting a new job, bills are stacking up pretty quickly,”</p><p>This only ignites something in JJ you observe. You notice how she leans in closer to the table and how she straightened up in her seat. You think to yourself that this questioning is going to take a lot longer than you originally thought it would.</p><p> </p><p>Spencer followed Hotch’s text, staying away from the bullpen but it’s not like he could really do any work without some case files.So he headed towards his desk for a few books and the rest of the files he had forgotten to grab.</p><p>He finds Hotch and Morgan lingering around his desk and JJ questioning someone in the conference room.</p><p>“Is that a witness?” He asks as he reaches his desk, fumbling around for one of the case files.</p><p>He can hear Hotch sigh before shaking his head, “A woman was caught searching through personal files. Garcia had a program that detects hacking. We think she’s working with the unsub.”</p><p>Confusion washes onto Reid’s face as he remembers the most recent profiling he did.</p><p>“No, that’s not possible. Our unsub is a lone wolf who preys on women in low-income households.”</p><p>“Look pretty boy, we caught her accessing government files, she lives in a low-income neighborhood, and from what I'm seeing now, JJ has got something interesting. If she was harmless, JJ would have let her go.”</p><p> </p><p>It had been a few hours of trying to explain that you were just trying to contact this illusive Spencer Reid.</p><p>JJ had been trying to crack you down and you were trying to explain what had happened but JJ had gotten this notion that you were trying to hurt Spencer or even working with this serial killer.</p><p>“I am telling you, I have no idea who this guy is and you’re wasting your time questioning me!” You explain, laying your head down against the conference table.</p><p>After a while of silence, JJ stands and exits only coming back in a few minutes with another person shuffling into the room.</p><p>You look up to find the one and only Spencer Reid. Sighing, you stand, bringing his jacket up and slowly reaching into the pocket and pulling out his identification badge.<br/>
“Coffee? Remember? The whole ordeal?”</p><p>Realization flashes on Spencer’s face and immediately he’s explaining what had happened to his coworker.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen…” he falters a bit, his head tilting a bit and stopping mid-sentence, “I gave you my number to return the jacket.”</p><p>You sigh once again and reach into your bag, pulling out a ziplock baggie of a mostly dried napkin with the numbers unreadable.</p><p>“A car drove a little too close to the curb and drenched me… don’t worry, I washed your jacket,” you mumble, “I didn’t mean to look into your file like that, you just… you literally have no social media presence... and I thought you would really like to have your ID card back,”</p><p>Reid smiles a bit, nodding and accepting his jacket along with his card, clipping it onto his sweater. “We’re um… we still have to keep you under investigation while we’re working on this case, but you’re free to go,” You nod and apologize once again before Reid escorts you out.</p><p>“Who knew that would happen…” Morgan mumbles as he watches Spencer walk the woman out of the building.</p><p>“Have Garcia dig up whatever she can on her,” Hotch says before heading back into the main conference room to look at the evidence once again.</p><p>Spencer had been kind enough to pay for your cab ride home. He had apologized quite a bit from the mix-up and you assured him that it was okay and that was that.</p><p>Or at least you thought it was just that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for sticking with me on this! I’m genuinely having lots of fun writing this and honestly, this is just a mess of my imagination!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note: I am not very knowledgeable about computers so hang in there with me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few weeks since the incident and you were sitting alone in your apartment searching for open positions.</p><p>After learning about that serial killer, you began keeping up on the news and was glad to see that the FBI had caught the guy. You felt way better knowing that there wouldn’t be any weird killers out there on your next late night. </p><p>Just as you were closing your emails, which honestly was just a bunch of junk mail and a few inquiries from private sectors asking about hiring you for temp work, you receive an email of just pages and pages of code.</p><p>You thought of just deleting the thing but your curiosity got the better of you and you began scrolling through it and finding out it was a broken code.</p><p>You spotted about four mistakes already by the second page. You thought it wouldn’t do any harm by solving the mistakes on paper, it’s not like they could hack your laptop for the answers if it wasn’t on it. </p><p>So you went to work, copying down the code and even shortening it by a mile and once finished you figured out the code was written for something that would release something in set intervals but at random. </p><p>It worried you a bit to see code written so haphazardly, and wondered if the code was sent to other people also.</p><p>Your thoughts were interrupted by a few short knocks on your door, making sure you looked presentable enough, you answered the door and was met with the same unruly hair you thought you wouldn’t see again along with the man who looked like he could be a model. </p><p>“Oh, hello. What do I owe the pleasure of the FBI at my door once again?”</p><p>Reid cracks a smile before clearing his throat and nudging his partner with his elbow.</p><p>“Well, you know how we’re monitoring you. It seems you’ve received a pretty serious email that has to deal with a new case we’re on.”</p><p>You sigh a bit before cracking the door open wider, inviting the pair in.</p><p>“Would you like some tea?” you offer, leaving the two standing at the door before shuffling into the small room. </p><p>They both decline and you got to work brewing yourself a nice cup of tea. You spot Reid nonchalantly looking at your possessions, probably profiling you and the other man taking a seat at your rickety couch.</p><p>“So, this email. Was it a bunch of code” You say, getting straight to the point and you could feel them staring at you through the back of your head. </p><p>Reid’s partner, who you forgot the name of, cleared his throat, and stood up once again. “Yes. Did you read it?” </p><p>You nod once again and toss out the used tea bag before taking a tentative sip of your drink and making your way towards the kitchen table, opening your laptop and turning it to the agents.</p><p>“I also solved it. Here,” You gently set your tea down and shuffle through pages and pages of code. “Whoever sent this, is pretty bad at writing simple code, it’s programming to set something off at random intervals but with a random trigger,” </p><p>Spencer goes through the pages of code, you could notice the little wrinkle in between his eyebrows and thought it was pretty cute and how you could probably rub your thumb against it to make him stop from struggling.</p><p>“Did you know that the first programmer in the world was a woman named Ada Lovelace?” He mumbles, flipping through the pages, “This is all correct, and you solved it in a few hours?”</p><p>You nod, tucking a stray hair behind your ear and taking another sip of your tea.</p><p>“You think you can come with us back to the BAU and show this to Garcia?” </p><p>“Do I have a choice?”</p><p>Spencer smiles again, this time a full grin and you think it’s a pretty cute sight and you sigh as you grab a jacket from your closet before stuffing your things into a bag and motioning towards the door.</p><p> </p><p>The BAU is bustling, you doge a few uniformed officers and somehow get separated from Reid and the other guy. You would think you’d find two tall people in the sea of people but unfortunately, you stand in place. You felt a little bit like a little kid getting lost in a mall, waiting for help from some security officer.</p><p>“Y/N!” You hear, your head popping up and desperately trying to look over the crowd and finding Reid waving at you down in the bullpen.</p><p>You push your way through the crowd and finally get to the bullpen, your hair a bit disheveled from the crowd and Reid escorts you into their main meeting room. </p><p>You find stacks and stacks of paper littered all over the room with multiple people shuffling through them. </p><p>“Um…”</p><p>Spencer motions for you to sit at a chair before dashing off to notify whoever was in charge.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a bit of time and you sit there, fiddling with your jacket zipper until the stiff man from last time greeted you.</p><p>“Y/N”, he says, giving you a firm handshake, “There has been someone causing a ruckus in our cybersecurity and we believe they did that to keep us preoccupied while they plan for a bigger thing.”</p><p>You nod, not really understanding why they would call you here, it’s not like you did anything bad.</p><p>“We are to understand you’ve worked on creating the top-notch security systems for the private sector?”</p><p>There it is, you think. They want you to work on something to keep this person out of their files. </p><p>“Look, I don’t-”</p><p>“We wouldn’t be asking you this unless it was dire. This person’s already killed multiple people by hacking into their tech, we would pay you for your services.”</p><p>You slowly glance around the room, you could see Reid and the rest of the team, frantically shuffling through paper files and uniformed officers taking orders from them. </p><p>“Where do I set up?”</p><p> </p><p>They end up setting you up with a conference room that was visible from the bullpen to keep an eye out on you. They give you a government laptop but you refuse. </p><p>“If I use your system, they’ll see me working on things if they’re already in there.”</p><p>JJ falters a bit before racking her brain on how to get you new tech.</p><p>“There’s a computer store a few blocks from here, will a new computer do?” She asks. </p><p>You do the math in your brain for a few seconds before shaking your head and pulling out your own laptop. </p><p>“I just need a brand new USB, I'll write the code on my laptop, it might take a while. I gotta write a new system to make sure I’m not being tracked here.”</p><p>She nods, sticking her head out the door and asking one of the uniformed officers to get the USB.</p><p>“Y/N, if you need anything just shout out the door or something, we’ve been prohibited on using any tech while this blows over.”</p><p>You nod once again, starting on writing the new system. </p><p> </p><p>You don’t even know how long you’ve been staring at your computer screen, your fingers get a little bit cramped, and find yourself stopping to stretch.</p><p>You’ve been so absorbed in work that you didn’t even notice the full cups of tea sitting on the table along with a few snacks. Someone must have been periodically checking up on you and bringing some sort of sustenance to keep you going. </p><p>You test out all the cups of tea and find them all cold and weird tasting. You curse silently and stick your head out of the room and find the majority of uniformed officers gone for the day but the rest of the BAU members in their main conference area probably going through their profilings. </p><p>You didn’t really want to be wandering around so much but you really needed a bathroom and maybe something to eat before cracking down again on your work. </p><p>You hesitantly cross through the empty bullpen and up to their room, knocking gently on the glass. All their heads turn to the sound and you feel yourself get a bit self conscious . Morgan makes his way and pushes the glass door open, “What’s up dollface?”</p><p>You look up at him with a confused face and realize that he’s calling <em>you </em>dollface. You clear your throat and flatly say, “Bathroom?” </p><p>You can see him falter, probably thinking to himself why you didn’t swoon immediately at the pet name or something.</p><p>Through the corner of your eye, you can see the rest of the team stifling their laughter, well, except Hotch, and Morgan nods before leading you over to their bathrooms. </p><p>You do your business, washing your hands afterward, and staring at yourself in the mirror. You find your eyes bloodshot and dark circles under your eyes had begun forming before splashing water onto your face and drying off. </p><p>“Can’t be helped” you mumble as you exit the bathrooms. Morgan patiently stood next to the door, waiting to escort you back to the conference room.</p><p>“Not to sound demanding or anything, but um… dinner would be nice?” You say, stuffing your hands into your jacket’s pocket and following behind the tall man by a few paces. </p><p>“Is that your way of asking me out?”</p><p>Your eyes snap up at the man and find him smiling cheekily and laughing when you fumble over your words.</p><p>“No! That’s not what I meant! I meant I’m pretty hungry and I would like to have dinner alone with my computer!”</p><p>“Boy Genius will bring you food after the meeting. You gonna work some more?”</p><p>You nod, awkwardly shuffling behind him and giving him a tentative wave as he leads you back into the conference room your stuff was in. </p><p> </p><p>You worked for what seemed like just a few minutes but a knocking at the door startled you. You look up from your screen for a split second and find Spencer holding up bags of take-out Chinese food. </p><p>“Hope we got something you liked,” he says, crossing the threshold and setting the bags of food on the table.</p><p>Did they believe you’d eat this much? Was it obvious that you had a big appetite? </p><p>You shuffle through the contents in the bag and find multiple boxes of noodles and even some beef and orange chicken. You grab a box of noodles and absentmindedly rip open a pack of chopsticks while you go over the latest input on your computer. </p><p>You don’t even notice that Spencer had taken a seat across the table from you and rummaging through the bag of food. </p><p>You can feel his eyes on you while you shovel noodles into your mouth while also fixing any mistakes you’ve made.</p><p>“Did you know that eating while multitasking can affect your digestion system and its ability to absorb nutrients?”</p><p>You look up at Spencer just as he uses a fork to take a bite of his noodles and you smile at his goofy expression. “I did not know that, maybe if I stop multitasking while eating I’ll finally be able to grow some more”</p><p>“Well, women reach peak height and stop growing around fourteen or fifteen, so you wouldn’t really be able to grow any taller even if you got the nutrients,”</p><p>You find yourself smiling even wider and stifling your laughter,</p><p>“Where do you keep all these fantastic tidbits,” </p><p>Spencer smiles back and ducks his head down to eat some more and you go ahead and run a trial run of your program while you begin to actually eat.</p><p>The two of you sit in comfortable silence and after a while, Spencer speaks up again, “We’re gonna have to either keep an agent with you at all times while you’re working on this for us. So when you’re ready to leave someone on our team will escort you,” </p><p>You hum, watching your computer closely as it works, “I don’t need to go home, someone can just grab some stuff for me at my apartment and I can stay in this room so this gets done quicker,” </p><p>You can basically see the cogs running in Spencer’s brain as he thinks about the pros and cons of you staying at the BAU and after a while, he finally responds, “I’ll have to talk about it with Hotch but I think I can get that arranged if you want you can write down all the things you need from your apartment and I’ll go ahead and grab it before we start our shifts watching you.”</p><p>You grab a pen from your bag and the receipt from the take out, scribbling everything you need on the back of it before sliding the paper across the table along with her door key.</p><p>A rapid beeping interrupts your conversation and you immediately disregard your food on the table in favor of fixing the problem.</p><p>You can see Reid watch you from the corner of your eye and feel your cheeks warm up a bit but eventually forget that he was even in the room with you while you solve the issues.</p><p>After a while you find yourself alone in the room, your food remains untouched in addition to another box of noodles but the rest of the bag is gone from the table. You pick up the half-empty box digging into it once again while you keep a watchful eye on your laptop.</p><p> </p><p>Reid and Morgan once again made their way up the rickety stairs to Y/N’s apartment. The list of things safely kept in Reid’s pocket. Even though he had perfect memory, he didn’t want to grab something wrong and end up upsetting Y/N.</p><p>“I can’t believe you got me to come here again, she like, lives up on the sixth floor and the elevator is down,”</p><p>“You’ll live Morgan, this is a piece of cake for you.”</p><p>He can hear Morgan laughing as he gets to Y/A’s door. He fishes the key out of his pants pocket and unlocks the door.</p><p>The first time he got here, he was surprised to see such a small apartment and he was quite glad to hear that Y/N didn’t want to come back here in-between days of working. He had even seen what seemed like some mold growing on the ceiling and it worried him. </p><p>“Okay pretty boy, get to work.”</p><p>“You’re not gonna help?”</p><p>“You’re the one who offered, it would be weird if I touched her stuff without permission,”</p><p>Reid felt a little awkward going through a person’s stuff even if they had given permission to.</p><p>He goes ahead and grabs a backpack that hangs on the back of the door. He makes his way around the apartment, filling the bag with the things that she had written down, toothpaste, deodorant, headphones, charger. </p><p>He finally falters a bit when he gets to her clothing. The drawer is open to t-shirts and pajama shorts and he reluctantly rifles through the things, pulling out quite a few things and carefully putting them into the bag. </p><p>Reid blushes red when he gets to the more… intimate things on the list. He had opened the drawer that held all of her bras and underwear and he wasn’t quite sure what exactly he should be taking.</p><p>For someone who is a genius, talking about things was a lot easier than actually doing it.</p><p>“Hey kid, are you done yet? It’s been a while.”</p><p>Morgan walks in as Spencer holds up a pair of panties.</p><p>“I-It’s not what it looks like!”</p><p>Morgan busts out laughing, nodding and mocking Spencer, “It’s not what it looks like!” he snickers and makes his way back into the main room leaving Spencer to his devices. </p><p>He quickly shoves as many he can grab into the bag along with some of Y/N’s bras before zipping up the backpack and heading out to where his friend was stifling his laughter. </p><p> </p><p>It’s been a while since you saw Reid and it makes you think that he had gotten lost or couldn’t find what you needed in your apartment.</p><p>Either way, he was gone for quite a while, and just watching your laptop do yet another test run on the program made you pretty sleepy.</p><p>You rest your cheek against the cool wood of the table, your eyes closing for unknown periods of time, and the next time you open them you spot Reid in the seat across from you quietly reading through what seemed like case files. </p><p>This gave you the opportunity to really look at Reid. His eyes seemed kind and warm and just looking into them made you feel funny. You also notice his hair and how messy it was even though you see Reid constantly fiddling at it to get it to sit still. It was really quite endearing. </p><p>A beep interrupts your thoughts once again and you’re up, scooting towards the computer once again and you give Reid a small smile when he also looks over at you. </p><p>“Thanks for getting my stuff,”</p><p>You can see the tips of Reid’s ears turn red and he buries his head back into the papers he was reading, “It’s um. It’s no problem, I think I got everything on your list,”</p><p>“Are you the first one on shift?”</p><p>He nods and returns the papers in his hands in the manilla folder that laid on the table. </p><p>“Well... we decided that it would be better to have one member be with you rather than switching in and out, it would lessen confusion seeing we have no ways of contacting each other immediately,”</p><p>“That makes sense,” You think, sighing happily and standing up, “So you’ll be staying with me until I finish?”</p><p>He nods and lifts your backpack up and onto the table to give to you, “I never formally introduced myself,” he says as he gets up also, walking over to your side of the table and smiling a bit, “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, it’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Likewise, my name’s Y/N Y/L/N” You stick your hand out for a friendly handshake and Reid blushes a bit as he takes your hand in his and shaking it a few times before returning to your previous spots.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for sticking with me on this! I’m genuinely having lots of fun writing this and honestly, this is just a mess of my imagination!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a while since you've gotten so stuck on a programming problem.</p><p>Reid had been watching you pace back and forth for a while just mumbling things to yourself and intermittently returning to your computer and imputing new things only to find that it also didn't work. </p><p>"Maybe you need a break?" Reid says, setting his journal down in favor of talking to you. He had been scribbling away in that thing for a while now as well. You weigh the pros and cons of taking a break and maybe stretching a bit and only find good things to come from stepping away for a bit.</p><p>"What do you suggest?"</p><p>Reid smiles as he stands up and motioning towards the door, "We've been in this room for a while, wanna take a walk?"</p><p>You sigh before nodding, grabbing one of your discarded hoodies on the back of a chair and slipping it on. Both of you fall in step with each other and a nice silence falls between both of you.</p><p>Only since recently, you weren't allowed anywhere other than the main areas of the building, but after your thorough background check that Garcia ran, you were allowed a little more freedom in the building. It didn't necessarily mean you could step outside, but it was nice being able to actually walk around.</p><p>"When do you think this will all blow over?"</p><p>Spencer looks at you in confusion, his head tilting a bit, and it reminds you of a little puppy, as he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets.</p><p>"I mean, I've been here what? A few weeks already. I'm almost done with the program, but that doesn't necessarily mean the person will be caught right?"</p><p>He nods and slows his pace a bit and stops to stand in front of a big window. "You're right, but we're just being safe, wouldn't want you getting hurt,"</p><p>You stop a few steps away from him and peer out the window. While being cooped up in the BAU, the weather had been perpetually gloomy, but not it was finally sunny, and it felt nice to feel the sunshine on your face. Both of you come to the quiet agreement to just stand in front of the window and you rid yourself from your hoodie, wrapping it around your waist and sighing happily to be able to feel more sun on your skin. </p><p>After a few more minutes of standing in front of the window, you decide to just sit in front of it. Reid looks at you and you can see him debating if this was okay and follows suit, sitting next to you and watching as people pass by the window.</p><p>It looked a bit silly, two people sitting in the middle of a hall with agents walking around them while they basically sunbathe behind a window. You watch as a man tosses his empty coffee cup into a trash can and getting splashed back from the remaining coffee in the cup.</p><p>That's when you figure it out, how you could help figure out who was behind all of this. You could set up an unnoticeable trap that signals Garcia the whereabouts of the person. Your eyes grow wide and you let out an audible gasp. </p><p>"Reid! That's it! Come on!" You exclaim, jumping up onto your feet and dashing off towards the conference room. Your hoodie ends up falling off as you pass the bullpen and into the room, immediately sliding into the chair and furiously typing away on your computer. </p><p>Reid follows behind you, carrying your hoodie in his hands and carefully placing it on the back of another chair which you deemed your "clothes chair" before standing behind you and watching the screen intently. </p><p>Reid had a fair amount of knowledge about coding, he had admitted that he had read a few books after meeting you and it was sort of cute that he wanted to know more about you knew. So he was able to keep up enough on what you were doing but not enough to really understand why you were doing it. </p><p> </p><p>It had been a while since you've really gotten sucked into programming so you weren't quite sure how long you were doing it. When you finally looked up from your computer, you noticed Reid sitting next to you reading through more paperwork. </p><p>Reid sitting next to you instead of across from you was a recent change. Usually, he would take his place across from you and lay out his work and you would discreetly sneak glances at him when you needed a little pick-me-up.</p><p>You had gotten stuck once again and were resting your head against the table again and Reid just scooted closer to you and helped you talk out the problem instead of sitting on the feelings of failure.</p><p>”How do you do so much paperwork and not get tired of it?”</p><p>Reid smiles, shifting his attention to you and shrugging, “It’s a price to pay for staying in the office instead of out in the field.”</p><p>”That’s a fair trade I think”</p><p>”Dinner?”</p><p>You hum, scooting away from the table and spinning around a bit while you stare up at the ceiling. “Pizza?”</p><p>Reid nods and walks out of room to ask one of the officers to grab a few pizzas to share. Not being able to call and text was a luxury that Reid didn’t miss all that much, it’s not like he actively used his phone, he just had it for emergencies. Learning this surprised you and it made you laugh.</p><p>He makes his way back into the room and returns to his previous seat, watching you as you lazily spin around and around. </p><p>“Is Garcia gonna join us, or does she still hate me?”</p><p>”Garcia doesn’t hate you,”</p><p>You stop abruptly and look at Reid with a deadpan face. ”She hates me because I got through her firewalls in a second and had trouble keeping me out,”</p><p>”That doesn’t necessarily mean she hates you,” Reid retorts opening his journal again and writing something down. </p><p>“I’m pretty sure it means she hates me,”</p><p>You can hear him laughing and it makes you blush a bit. You had to keep these weird feelings down because you’d be leaving in a few weeks and Reid was basically married to his job, and it wasn’t like he was going to actively date someone who committed a crime just to return something of his. He was on a whole different level than you, out of your league, plus he didn’t even know you.</p><p>You somehow persuaded Reid to let you braid little braids into his hair while waiting for the pizza. How you were able to do that was a question itself. From the short period of time together, you learned that Reid didn't really like to be touched.</p><p>It made you question if you had made him uncomfortable the day you formally introduced yourself to him. He didn’t seem all that uncomfortable when you shook his hand, but maybe he was just really good at hiding it.</p><p>But here he sat, in between your legs while you sat on the table. You slowly card your fingers through his hair and you're surprised that there weren't all that many tangles in it despite how it looked. When you did encounter a small tangle you carefully detangled it no problem.</p><p>It was quite a sight honestly. If someone walked in, it would look quite intimate if they knew Reid and his aversion to physical contact.</p><p>Reid had tilted his head back a bit so you could reach better and you notice that his eyes are closed and that he has a small smile on his lips. He must be enjoying it or at least some part of what you're doing so you continue.</p><p>You leave the braids untied just incase Reid has to undo them all quickly. By the time the pizzas arrive, there's quite a lot of braids in his hair in all different sizes. </p><p>Reid ends up leaning against the table right next to you as you both enjoy a few slices of pizza. </p><p>"I think I eat the most pizza in the world every year, I just can't get enough of it,"</p><p>"Well, the US approximately sells about three billion pizzas a year and that roughly translates to two hundred fifty-one million seven hundred seventy thousand pounds per year and about thirty-six percent of pizza is pepperoni."</p><p>You blankly stare at him in awe and smile widely before taking a bite of your own slice. </p><p>"Amazing" you mumble, blushing pink after realizing what you've said and ducking your head down and trying to hide behind your pizza slice.</p><p>Reid also blushes, turning his head to look out the glass door to hide his own face. It's a bit childish honestly like you were back in elementary school with a silly crush on a boy who just looked at you and smiled. Reid and you finish your pizzas and usually around the time you both finish dinner is when Reid headed home.</p><p>He still had the luxury of returning to a nice bed in his own home while you slept in the conference room on a portable cot that Morgan had brought out from storage.</p><p>But this time, Reid was hesitating, he was lingering and making slow work of tidying his things. Fumbling around with his papers and flipping through his journal, it was quite a spectacle.</p><p>Even when Reid was awkward, his movements were fluid, he moved with purpose, but now you watch as his movement is stuttering, like watching a film that hasn’t quite caught up with the sound, choppy. You watch as Reid basically paces back and forth in front of you from behind your computer, keeping a watchful eye on the tall man and pretending you don’t notice how he keeps returning to the spot right in front of you.</p><p>After a while, you decide to put the poor man out of his misery and ask what’s going on. “Doctor Spencer Reid, are you prolonging your time in the office? Are you getting overtime for this?"</p><p>You snicker as when you see Reid fumble with his journal, dropping it onto the table with an unceremonious thump.</p><p>"N-No! I mean, working here increases productivity that's all,"</p><p>The blush forming on Reid's cheeks doesn't escape your sight and you go back to acting like a bunch of kids again. </p><p>"You're free to hang out some more Reid, it's not like this <em>is</em> my apartment," you quickly return your focus on your computer, hoping Reid doesn't also have superhuman hearing as well as being a genius because you felt as if your heart was going to beat out of your chest from even just suggesting that it was okay for him to stay with you.</p><p>He smiles softly and returns all his things back onto the table, reorganizing his papers into how he had them sprawled out. You learned that Reid enjoys a little chaos when it comes to paperwork, likes his papers spread out so he can simultaneously look at all the information at once. While he rearranges his papers again and scribbling things down in his journal once again you return your attention to your work.</p><p>Waiting to see if the program works now with the new input, you finally get the chance to check your email, scrolling through meaningless emails, one of them catches your eyes. It was like the last email you had received, one with just a bunch of code, but this one was definitely some sort of problem. </p><p>"Reid, can I have some paper and a pen?"</p><p>He nods, handing over a different journal and one of his nicer pens. You felt bad about using up such nice paper with your chicken scratch but you accept it nevertheless.</p><p>Getting to work, you begin to scribble down the code. There are some parts to the problem that is a little convoluted but you make due anyway. You power through getting nearer and nearer to the end of the problem. You were so interested in the problem that you didn't even notice that Reid had migrated towards you and was peering over your shoulder, or even your computer beeping signaling that the program you tested was successful.</p><p>"Um... Reid. When I was picked up from my apartment... I didn't take my stack of papers did I?"</p><p>He shakes his head no and recites what he had seen you bring, "Bag, computer, jacket, your phone, and keys. When I went back I saw the stack of papers on your kitchen table though."</p><p>"I got an email again. With a problem this time, not a code. It says I'm in and gives me an address."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An emergency meeting had been called and the team huddled around the small journal you had written in, examining the problem and looking a bit confused at times. Garcia was the only one to really understand what you had written but there had been some points in the problem where you had explained your reasoning for. </p><p>"If this is a threat we have to go to the address and see for ourselves. There haven't been any issues with security so far but it's better to be safe than sorry, they might just be sending random people emails to cause panic" JJ says, taking a crack at the problem and immediately sliding it over to Reid. </p><p>"I know I'm not a part of the BAU and all, but you guys have no idea who you're dealing with right now. I don't even know who they are, I can't trace the email back to anyone solid, they're all throwaway email accounts and I've done some digging in some underground sources and none have been getting the emails. If this is for mass hysteria don't you think more people would be talking about it online or at least having some news presence on it, or even just reporting it to someone?"</p><p>"She has a point if our unsub wanted to cause mass hysteria to distract us they would have sent it out to more people. Seeing we didn't get any reports or any radio chatter about it, it must have meant that they sent this email out specifically for Y/N," Reid says, flipping through the journal and concentrating on deciphering a bit in the problem he didn't quite understand, the little wrinkle in between his eyebrows appeared again. "Our unsub is probably targeting people who are in the same line of work or at least have enough skill to be able to solve something like this."</p><p>"Garcia check if anyone in the line of work that Y/N does has gotten something similar or related to the last previous emails," Hotch says and immediately Garcia nods, already halfway out the door, "On it,"</p><p> </p><p>You couldn't stay in the room while they discussed any more theories or profiling so you sat in the other conference room. They had asked that you leave your laptop for Garcia to examine and you happily let them. You didn't want to hinder the investigation anymore than you thought you were doing so you just sat quietly and wrote down some ideas in one of Reid's abandoned journals. It didn't really look like it was important so you opened to a fresh page and began to write what you were thinking.</p><p>
  <em>Find a job. Or something? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dinner. Pasta? Salad? Pasta and salad? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What would Reid want for dinner? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Make sure to thank Reid for staying with you. Maybe get him a gift or something. Journal maybe, some fancy pens. A new book?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It must be a big inconvenience for him to be staying with you at all times of the day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lonely.</em>
</p><p>You couldn't really concentrate anymore on the page in front of you so instead, you just doodled tiny little creatures around the margins and you even drew a poorly shaped shoe. Mismatched socks. Tiny robot.</p><p>Someone finally walks into the room, but instead of the usual Reid, or even someone else from the team, an agent you didn't know walked in and dropped off a sandwich for you to eat. </p><p>Reid must be too busy to eat with you today so you slouched a bit in disappointment. You tried to look out the window to see if you can spot Reid from the other room but to no use. </p><p>The sandwich didn't taste all that well, or maybe it was because you ate it alone but either way you left about half of it in the plastic container.</p><p>Seeing you couldn't really do anything of use, you ended up just laying down on the cot that was situated in the corner of the room and counting the ceiling tiles until you fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>Spencer felt bad that he left you alone for so long without anything to do. From what he's observed in the little time he was with you, was that you were a busy body and he thought you'd be pacing back and forth by now. He hoped that you had eaten something while he was away, he didn't think going over what he profiled with Hotch and JJ would take that long so he asked one of the agents outside to get you something. </p><p>He carried your laptop with such care, he knew it meant a lot to you. He never really asked why it was so important but just the way you handled it and routinely cleaned and updated it was evident that it must mean something significant to you. </p><p>He pushes the door open and finds you missing. He gently sets the laptop on the table, back in its usual spot, and finally notices you curled up in the cot. The blanket had fallen off at some point so he quietly makes his way towards you, picking up the discarded blanket and draping it onto you. He makes sure that you're fully covered and he notices your hair laying across your face.</p><p>He thinks that it'll annoy you at some point and end up waking yourself up so he gently pushes your hair away from your face. His fingers just barely brush against your skin, fingers lingering a bit, and you stir in your sleep a little. He thinks that he's woken you but you return to your previous state. </p><p>Reid thinks his hearts going to beat out of his chest as he retracts his hand. His fingers reach up and loosen his tie a little bit as he thinks to himself, "When did the office turn up the temperature? Why is this room so stuffy...?" </p><p>He prolonged leaving work for so long, he couldn't really think up any more excuses to stay longer now that you were asleep, but he just didn't have the heart to leave without saying goodbye.</p><p>He noticed the half-eaten sandwich on the table and his journal right next to it. Curious to why it was there, he picked it up and flipped it open to see what was inside. When he got to the page where you had written something, it felt as if he was intruding. Sure it was <em>his</em> journal, but you had written in it, probably thinking that he wouldn't find it. His curiosity got the better of him though and carefully read over your writing. </p><p>His finger carefully traces over the words, scared he might smudge it, and slowly reads the entry a few times. Sure he could read it in a second and fully remember it, but you had written it. It came from your thoughts and wanted to savor it before tucking it away. He wanted to burn the word "<em>lonely</em>" into his brain.</p><p>He never knew you were lonely.</p><p>Sure everyone gets lonely from time to time, and people hid it quite well. But you just didn't seem lonely at all. If he treated you like one of his profiling cases he would say you were just a normal adult who was trying to get up on their feet. Someone unsure about their future. </p><p>He shakes his head, trying to stop himself from prying any deeper without your permission and goes to admiring the doodles in the margins, smiling as he sees the miss-matched socks. </p><p>He should probably leave the journal for you instead of taking it. But he didn't have the heart to leave the book where anyone could flip through it, so he ends up tucking it into his messenger bag and if you were to ask where it had gone he'd just return it again. </p><p>He takes one more look at your blanketed figure, smiling as he adjusts the blanket once more before heading home for the night. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sleeping early definitely had some good things about it. It’s not like didn’t welcome a restful night's sleep, it’s just that your brain was always thinking, unable to shut off until you desperately needed sleep.</p><p>It was around four in the morning when you woke up. Your eyes straining to see in the dark room. Usually, the lights out in the bullpen would be turned on when you woke up, but this time, the main building lights were all shut off.</p><p>You could only see the occasional desk light on and it felt eerie. Reluctantly, you got out of your cot, folding up the scratchy blanket they provided before placing it at the end of the makeshift bed and grabbing everything you needed for a shower. </p><p>They had let you use the agent shower rooms while you were staying in the building. It was a bit weird having to shower in a locker room, and it only reminded you of when you went to college which just brought up the memories of the uncomfortable few years.</p><p>It would be too early for anyone to really be in the building except for security and a few straggling agents working overtime. So you took your time, walking at a slow pace down the halls and down the stairs to where the locker rooms were located. Not a soul in sight, you walk into the shower rooms, hanging your towel up onto the rack before stripping down and stepping into the little stall. </p><p>The water was freezing when you turn the knob, you jumped back a bit as the water rained down onto the tiled flooring and you gathered all your courage before sticking your hand into the cold water to turn the knob to the hot water. Once satisfied, you fully step under the spray, washing off your body with soap and washing your hair.</p><p>Usually, when you were in here, you tried to be as quick as possible, afraid to be taking up a stall from another agent who really needed it. But this time, you took your time. Letting the water run down your back and taking the time to actually run your fingers through your hair to detangle it a bit. </p><p>"Y/N?" You hear faintly as if someone was calling for you from out of the hall. </p><p>"Y/N? Are you in there?"</p><p>You weren't quite sure what to answer. Your brain was a bit fuzzy from sleep still and believed that maybe you were just imaging someone calling out for you. </p><p>Maybe it was just your brain playing tricks on you because even though you didn't want to believe it, you missed Reid a little. You thought it was your brain subconsciously thinking that it was him calling out for you.</p><p> </p><p>Reid had gone to the office early. Way earlier than usual.</p><p>He didn't really know why, but he was feeling uneasy in his apartment all alone. Like the apartment was too big for him. He had filled the empty places in his apartment with books and knickknacks that he had picked up over the years. It filled the space but it just seemed like a temporary fix. This feeling has never happened before, and it never really bothered him all that much in the past, so it just made him even more uneasy staying there, like it wasn’t his house, like he was just staying in a strangers' home.</p><p>He thought that if he was going to be productive, he should at least come to the office to keep you company. It never really crossed his mind that you would still be asleep until he had slid his keycard to enter the building.</p><p>It was a little too late to just turn around and return at his usual time. He could have. He could have gone to a coffee shop and waited, or gone to a park to watch the sunrise.  But he didn’t. He pushed the door open to the office and walked towards the conference room.</p><p>He was a bit nervous. He wasn't quite sure why he was nervous. He could easily watch someone and determine if a person was hiding something or even notice small things about them, but he couldn't really figure it out for himself.</p><p>It was a bit awkward really. How could a profiler be so confident in providing a personality profile for an unsub but when it came to his own feelings he had no clue what was happening. </p><p>It took Spencer approximately fifteen minutes and twenty-six seconds to gather the courage to walk to the door of the conference room. </p><p>He didn't want to intrude while you were sleeping and it felt a little weird just walking in so he ends up poking his head in and glancing around the room to see if you were awake already. When he sees no movement in the room, he cautiously walks in.</p><p>A few steps into the room, he notices that your cot was made and you were missing. At first, it worried Spencer to see you missing from the room you basically lived in for now, but he realized you couldn't really get too far. </p><p>He switched on the lights in the room and tidied up a bit before going to the breakroom to get you coffee and some toast for now. He set it up on the table, waiting patiently for you to return, but after waiting for so long, he got worried again.</p><p>He decided to look for you, going through all the areas you're authorized to be in. He reaches the locker rooms and debates about going in, so he calls for you. When he gets no answer, he calls again, cracking the door open a tiny bit.</p><p>"Y/N? Are you in there?"</p><p>Reid really debates on going in. No one responded so he knows no one is really in there, but he could hear the shower going.</p><p>He runs through the scenarios in his head, "Y/N could have slipped and knocked her head on the tile. She could have forgotten her towel. She could have passed out." So without thinking, he pushes the door open and rushes in.</p><p>"Y/N?" He says, walking towards the stall with the shower running, "Hello? Are you okay?"</p><p>"Reid?" he hears faintly.</p><p>He stops in front of it, a thin opaque curtain separating him from you, and he nods dumbly before noticing you couldn't really see him. "Y-Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?"</p><p>He waits patiently for your response and it's then when he really realizes what's in front of him and what he'd done. His face turns pink, and he's fumbling with his collar, tugging it away from his neck and moving away from the curtain and turning his back to you. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I wasn't keeping track of how long I was in here."</p><p>”N-No! Don’t worry, I just got worried when I didn’t see you in the conference room,”</p><p>He hears you fumble in the shower, probably fiddling with the shower knobs, they were pretty tricky to get to the right temperature. One time he was so tired after a pretty long case and he just couldn't get the temperature right in the shower so he ended up showering in cold water. It made him want to stick his hand in and adjust the knobs so you could have a nice shower instead of worrying about the temperature.</p><p>He shook his head after thinking about helping you with the shower and the situation finally set in his mind. He couldn’t believe he had just waltz right into the ladies' locker room because he had thought you were injured or something. It’s not like you were helpless, you could have easily called out for help if you really needed it. Spencer just<em> needed</em> the reassurance that you were okay. </p><p>"I'll... um... be right out." You mumble, twisting the knobs in the shower to off and sticking your hand out from the curtain to grab your towel. At first, you don't feel anything and you feel a bit dumb just blindly groping the wall. Spencer notices the lack of running water and he was going to make his way out of the locker room to give you more privacy to change but he can hear the quiet thumping of your hand on the tiled wall. </p><p>Spencer is a bit apprehensive at first but he walks closer to the stall, reaching down for the fallen towel and picking it up and gently coaxing your hand to grab it. When you do grab it, Spencer lets go of the soft fabric and clears his throat. "I'll be out in the hall..." </p><p> </p><p>Was there a step higher than embarrassed? Mortified? You couldn't believe that he had walked in just to check on you and proceeded to hand you your towel when it had fallen.</p><p>You felt bad as well. It must be pretty early in the morning too, he must have come in for something important and you took up his time because you were missing from the conference room. </p><p>Spencer stayed true to his words and waited patiently for you on a nearby bench. You slowly walk towards him and at first, you thought he had seen you, he had such a concentrated look on his face. It seemed like he was staring right at you, but once you had stood directly in front of him, he shook his head and his cheeks flushed pink. You awkwardly smile and Spencer immediately stands up, his hair bouncing a bit from how quick he was moving. </p><p>"Sorry again. I didn't realize I was in there for so long,"</p><p>He shakes his head no and rubs the back of his neck, a smile finally appearing on his face. "Oh, it's okay. Sorry for barging in on you. About two hundred and thirty-five thousand people above the age of fifteen have accidents in the bathroom and that popped into my head and I was worried that something had happened to you so I had to go check. I would have usually just waited outside but I got nervous."</p><p>Was this Reid's way of saying he cared about you? No, it couldn't be, it's just a statistic and he probably just didn't want to get in trouble for leaving me alone and getting hurt in a government building. </p><p>Both of you fall silent, unsure about what to talk about next. It wasn't an unwelcomed silence, it was oddly comfortable. Somehow you and Spencer began walking back upstairs without even talking about it.</p><p>An unspoken thing.</p><p>He shortens his strides so you can keep up with him and you appreciate it as you tug your shower bag up higher on your shoulder. Both of you end up walking laps around the building. Past the big windows, past the conference rooms, and through the bullpen, not stopping to drop your stuff off. Spencer eventually offered to hold your bag, he insisted really. Probably after watching you hike up the straps for probably the millionth time. </p><p>You pass the big windows for the fifth time and come to stop, watching as the sun began to rise. Spencer joins you, standing back a bit and admiring the scene before him.</p><p>Unknown to what Spencer was looking at, you whisper a quiet, "Beautiful" and hear a confirmation from him.</p><p>”Yeah, beautiful." </p><p>And that was that. </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It became an unspoken thing between both of you.</p><p>Every once in a while, Spencer would come to the office early and you would begrudgingly crawl out of your cot and would walk a few laps inside the BAU and watch the sunrise afterward. You didn't talk much and neither did Spencer. It was nice. Comforting.</p><p>Sometimes Spencer would be too busy with work to hang out with you for a long time during the day. But in return, he would come early the next day, coffee in hand, and a warmed pastry for you to munch on while you walked around.</p><p>You really didn't want to admit it, but those days where you saw Spencer in the early morning light motivated you even more.</p><p>And as soon as the early mornings began, your time at the BAU had come to an end.</p><p>You had finished the last bug that you implemented in your program and downloaded the entirety of it onto the new USB you had gotten. </p><p>That was it, your time hanging out with Spencer was done. No more late-night laughs. No more early morning smiles. No more secret glances. No more looking up from your computer and seeing his unruly hair. </p><p>"Finished," you announced, unplugging the stick from your computer and holding it up.</p><p>"Whoa... that was quick," Spencer says, carefully placing his papers down and looking at the thing like it was the most important thing in the world.</p><p>In fairness, it could be the most important thing. The BAU still didn't know what they were up against and this could be the thing that would lead them to the person causing all of the turmoil. You've been taking up precious time during their cases. Taking up Reid's time. </p><p>He's been out of the field for a while his coworkers, friends, were out in the world saving lives.</p><p>"Hotch will be in the office in a little, good thing the most recent case they got was near enough where they didn't have to travel." </p><p>You nod numbly, carefully setting the stick onto the table and sliding it over to Reid. </p><p>"I should start packing up my things, I guarantee that will track the person who's doing all of this. Even though Garcia doesn't like me all that much, she can attest to what's on there. She's helped me out a few times on it."</p><p>Reid smirks, resting his elbows on the table and humming, "So, you and Garcia are civil? See, she didn't hate you."</p><p>The sight of Reid just so <em>smug</em> would forever be engraved in your brain. It wasn't like him to be so bold, even when it did come to jokes. You stumble over your words, "Sh-Shut up, I genuinely, really thought she hated me, she probably still does... Did you say something to her Reid! ....Oh my god, you did! That's why you're being so smug about it!"</p><p>The sound of Reid's laughter made your heart soar, but you couldn't hold onto these feelings anymore. You grab the closest thing to you, which was some scratch paper that you had written some math on, crumpled it up, and tossed it at him to make him stop.</p><p>"I just talked to her about you, like in general. I didn't say 'Hey Garcia, stop disliking Y/N' I didn't do it on purpose,"</p><p>You squint at him and childishly stick your tongue out at him before grabbing your bag and beginning to fold the pile of discarded jackets and sweaters that were piled on clothes chair. </p><p>Reid watched you like a hawk it felt like. You can feel his stare and it made you selfconscious. Maybe he was trying to see if you were being truthful about the USB. Maybe profiling you to see if you really meant you'd help with the investigation.</p><p>Maybe if you lingered around, slowly folding your clothes like when Reid did with his papers the other night, maybe just maybe, he'll ask you to stay longer.</p><p> </p><p>Reid didn't ask you to stay longer. He didn't even show up the day you were going home. Everything had been wrapped up, Reid had passed on the USB to Garcia, who had checked it and reassured that it was up to code. The whole team had a meeting once they had touched down from their recent case. Everything seemed to be ready to go and you were no longer needed at the BAU. </p><p>At your time there, you didn't really talk to anyone but Reid so your departure was uneventful. Without Reid there, there was no goodbye. Just a firm handshake from everyone and a confirmation that the money would be sent to you at the end of the month. </p><p>That was that. You were back in your run-down apartment building searching for a job on your laptop.</p><p>Unsuccessful with the job search you ended up as a barista in the cafe that Reid had spilled coffee on you while you search for a position that more suited your skills. </p><p>That, and you secretly hoped that one day Reid would walk in and light up when he saw you behind the counter. You never really thought of fate or things like that, but if the chances increased of seeing Reid again you couldn't pass up on that opportunity. </p><p>It had been a few weeks and working at the cafe was okay. You were restocking the cups underneath the counter, getting ready to open the cafe for the morning rush when the bell notifies you that someone walked in.</p><p>"Sorry, we're not open yet," you call out, struggling to fit the cups into the small self.</p><p>"Oh sorry, I- the door was open so I just assumed,"</p><p>You knew the sound of that voice, you've dreamt of that voice before. You quickly stand up, knocking your head on the counter and cursing wildly. </p><p>"A-Are you okay?"</p><p>You're crouching in pain, your hands cradling your head. You can feel the oncoming headache from the hit to the head and for a split second, you forget who's standing a few feet from the counter. You shoot up, laughing awkwardly as you rub the top of your head.</p><p>"Yup! Everything's great!"</p><p>You think Reid's already forgotten you. But as soon as he sees your face, a smile breaks out on his face and he's eagerly walking towards the counter.</p><p>"Y/N! I-I didn't know you worked here," he says, "I thought you'd be at like some cushy programming job uptown,"</p><p>He's right in a way, you should be in some sort of programming job, but here you are. Slaving away at a hot coffee machine and serving up sandwiches to the masses. "Yeah me too... but sometimes, that's not how life goes," </p><p>You fall into a weird silence, not sure whether to ask how he's been, or why he hasn't gotten in touch. It's not like you can ask for that, you weren't <em>really</em> friends. You just, worked with him. Nothing more. But you couldn't help wishing that he had said goodbye, or called you, or even wrote you a letter. </p><p>"Sorry for barging in again, the door was open and I just thought I beat the morning crowd," he says, finally breaking the silence between the two of you, "Um... how are you? No one's been sending you weird emails or anything?" </p><p>You shake your head no, you're glad he's taking the initiative and starting a proper conversation. It gives you time to take in the sight of him once again. His hair had grown a little, and the dark circles under his eyes had gotten a bit worse. His shirt's wrinkly and he's wearing the same jacket he gave you the first time you met. He was even wearing his glasses, something you've never seen before. </p><p>You realize that you've just been staring at him instead of actually saying anything and you can clearly see that he's getting nervous. "Sorry, uh... no, it's fine. I know you. I don't mind. So do you... want coffee or tea or something?" </p><p>"A coffee would be nice" You nod, getting to work on his drink as he takes a seat at the bar. "Have you been working here long?"</p><p>You shake your head no, carefully tamping down the coffee grounds and pressing the button that dispenses hot water. "Just a few weeks, I got hired a little after the BAU thing. Needed the money and they were hiring." </p><p>You could see Spencer fiddling with his glasses and it was endearing. You wondered if that's something he did when he was nervous. Was he even nervous? Is this a late-night coffee or an I just got up and need some caffeine coffee. You wanted to ask him, but you didn't want to poke too much into his life. The buzz from the coffee machine broke your thoughts and you carefully pour it into a to-go cup.</p><p>"Um... do you want foam?"</p><p>It looks like you interrupted Spencer from his thoughts by the way he jumped in his seat. He's shaking his head no and you carefully cap the cup and slip a holder onto it before sliding it over the counter for him to grab. </p><p>He looks hesitant to grab it, so you give him a small smile as you pull away, wiping down the machine and trying your best not to keep him here any longer. </p><p>"Do you mind if I stay here?"</p><p>Surprised, your eyes dart over to where he sat. Coffee in his hands and bag on the counter next to him, like he wasn't going to ask if he could stay and just do it anyway. </p><p>"I know you're not technically open yet, but I um... don't want to go out into the cold unless I really need to,"</p><p>You numbly nod your head, unsure if this was actually happening. He gives you a small smile before he opens his bag and pulls out the same journal you’ve seen him writing in. </p><p>Having Reid so close to you again makes you nervous. Unable to really focus on opening. Usually, you make quick work of getting everything ready before the morning rush. But today, you’re fumbling on sugar packets and the wooden popsicle sticks. </p><p>Reid doesn’t seem to mind though, the sounds of wrinkling plastic and the loud beeping from the coffee machine. He seems to be motivated by the background noise of your work. </p><p>By the time the morning rush comes, you forget about Reid sitting at the bar. You mess up a few orders near the end of the rush but luckily, the customers didn't mind at all. </p><p>You sigh quietly, pushing your hair away from your face as you wipe down the counters once again. The rush has come and gone and you thought Reid had slipped out amidst all the chaos, but no, he still sat in the same seat. It seemed like he was deep in thought and you didn't want to bother him so you work on making him another drink. </p><p>You put the drink in another to-go up just in case he has to leave before he could finish it and silently place it in front of his journal. He looks up at you and gives you a kind smile before he goes back to his work.</p><p>It's nice, not talking but being in the same place again. Silently working together. You pull out your laptop and set it up, just out of sight from customers and scroll mindlessly through job listings once again. You really debate on doing a bit of freelancing but even that, was difficult to get into unless you knew people.</p><p>"Are you looking for jobs?"</p><p>You look over at Reid and you notice that he's been watching you scroll through pages and pages of listings. Embarrassed, you shut your laptop closed and tuck it under the counter before picking up a rag and pretending to wipe down the counters again. </p><p>"Nope, I am not looking for another job while also working at this lovely cafe," you say, but you know Reid already knew what you were doing and he laughs. </p><p>"You should work at the BAU. Garcia's looking for some help I think,"</p><p>It sounds tempting. You knew the people at the BAU well enough now, and if Garcia was looking for help, then that must mean she really needs some assistance. Reid would be there, and you would be able to see him instead of just banking everything on hope. </p><p>"I'm not an agent or anything," </p><p>"You wouldn't be out on the field. You would be considered a consultant, a temp job maybe, and you'd still get paid. I can ask Hotch if you want,"</p><p>It felt unfair to go over the entire hiring process. There must be a lot of people gunning for a position and you didn't want another person to be disregarded just because you went over their heads to get the job.</p><p>"I'll just apply for it, like everyone else. I wouldn't want to step on any toes."</p><p>Reid smiles and opens his bag once again, and you think he'd be packing up to leave, but instead, he pulls out a manilla folder and hands it over to you. Confused, you take the folder and look at him for approval to open it and once he nods, you flip it open. The first thing you see is an application for the temp job along with pages and pages of requirements and a copy of an NDA contract. </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey!<br/>Just a heads up, I changed the rating of the story from "Teen and Up" to "Mature"!<br/>I also added some more tags so please check through the tags to see if there's anything you're uncomfortable with!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The application process was long-winded. Along with the pages upon pages of paperwork, there would also be a personality assessment test to make sure you were compatible with the team. The day scheduled for the interview was fast approaching and you were not taking it very well.</p><p>You still worked at the cafe, and every once in a while, Reid would come before opening and hang out before having to go into work. Some times, you'd go days without seeing him and you'd think that maybe he's tired of coming to the cafe, but eventually, he would return with a bright smile on his face and eye bags under his eyes. </p><p>He never really said what he did in between the long periods of time without seeing you, but you guessed it was case related and he couldn't really talk about it in such an open place. You didn't want to pry all that much, it seemed like he was okay with just asking you about how you were and what you've been up to. </p><p>The last time you saw Reid, it was the day before your interview. You wondered if he knew about your interview, but you didn't ask. Instead, he sat at the bar, in his normal seat, and watched you as you served another round of tea to the nice old ladies who came in around noon for their weekly catch up. It was sweet to see them be so excited to see each other every week and you tried to anticipate their needs to give them more time together. </p><p>You carefully set down the pot of tea at their table and smiled kindly before heading behind the counter once again. As much as you didn't like the job, it was oddly comforting. Seeing Reid was also a plus in your books. Every time he would come in, he brought in a new book or wrote in his journal, and sometimes he would just people watch.</p><p>If you got the job, you'd be able to see Reid almost every day. It was childish. But being apart from him, or even not seeing him on a regular basis like before really made your heart hurt for some reason. Reid probably say it was just something scientific and brush it off. So you kept quiet about it. </p><p>Today, Reid didn't have anything to do. Instead, he was watching people pass by the big window and occasionally sipping on his coffee. He wore his glasses that day, probably to hide the darkening eye bags under his eyes but you noticed them straight away and had given him a pretty strong cup of coffee to wake him up a bit.</p><p>"Are you ready for your interview?" he says, his eyes trained on a dog that stopped in front of the shop.</p><p>"So, you did know when my interview was," you say, leaning against the counter and resting your elbows on the cool granite. </p><p>"Of course I knew." He retorts, shifting his gaze over to you and blushing pink before backtracking, "I mean, I just know all the interviewees are being interviewed sometime this week, and you've been quiet and glancing at your papers when you have the free chance and I just assumed you were nervous about it,"</p><p>Spencer tried his best to hide his face, turning his head once again and looking out the window before he sticks his hand in his pocket reaching for some cash to pay off the coffee. </p><p>You can feel your cheeks warm-up and you take Spencer's to-go cup from in front of him. "Okay okay, get out of here. This one's on the house. You're being cut off, go on, shoo, get some sleep or something." You toss the cup in the trash can behind the counter and start wiping down the counter.</p><p>Spencer smiles, resting both of his elbows on the bar and resting his chin in his hands as he watches you quote-unquote work for a while before slipping out with a quiet "see you later".</p><p> </p><p>Sleep was not a thing you got last night. You spent the majority of the night tossing and turning thinking about what kind of questions they would ask in the interview. Then, your brain decided to think about Reid for about thirty minutes and then you paced back and forth for about an hour willing yourself to stop thinking about Reid. </p><p>You had decided to dress more appropriately for the interview, slacks, and a blouse, maybe even a nice jacket if you could find it.</p><p>Sure the team has seen you lounging around for about a few months in pajama bottoms and big hoodies for the majority of your stay. But maybe dressing like the job you wanted would be nice.</p><p>Maybe if you got the job you'll be able to dress more comfortably. Buying more slacks and blouses would be a big expense you couldn't really afford right now.</p><p>After fixing your hair for the fifth time, you decide that there's no use to fuss with it anymore. It's better to be early than late. Plus, if you got there early enough you could sit out on a bench at a nearby park and try to calm your nerves some more. </p><p>You triple check to make sure you have everything you need, going through your list and catching a cab to the BAU. </p><p>You fiddle with your bag for the majority of the car ride, looking out the window every once in a while to watch other people on their ways to wherever they're going.</p><p>Once you're dropped off, you check the time and find yourself there earlier than you expected, so take the short walk to the park, finding a bench under a tree. You find yourself zoning out and the sight of a hand waving directly in front of your face catches your attention. </p><p>"Oh hello," you say, looking up at Morgan who looks like he had just gone for a run. </p><p>"Hello, beautiful. What are you doing all the way out here?" He says.</p><p>You move your bag off the seat as an offering for him to sit down. "Oh, I have an interview with Hotch today for a temp job. Reid told me Garcia needed help and he got me an application,"</p><p>For a second, Morgan looks like he was caught off guard and it takes him a while to say something, "Oh yes... the temporary job. Garcia is knee-deep in work and could use another set of hands. Good thing Reid contacted you," </p><p>Something about the way Morgan said that makes you question if there really was a job, but you trusted Reid enough. It wouldn't be like him to just make up a job positioning and get your hopes up for nothing. </p><p>"Well, I should get going... Gotta finish my run" he says, getting up from the bench and flashing you a smile, "You should head to the BAU, wouldn't want to be late for your interview right?" </p><p>You nod, waving at him while he sets off and you gather your things and make a slow walk to the BAU once again.</p><p>Even though the weird interaction with Morgan, your nerves are at an all-time high by the time you are waiting for the elevator. No one was seen in the lobby and you were relieved to have the elevator to yourself to freak out for a little bit longer.</p><p>When you press the floor button for the BAU you patiently wait for the doors to shut and as soon as the elevator doors begin to close a bag is immediately in between them, stopping them from closing all the way. </p><p>"Sorry!" You hear before you see the man who forcefully kept the doors open. There goes your private panic time. Instead of seeing someone you didn't know, Reid pops into the elevator instead.</p><p>"What a coincidence didn't think you'd be here," Reid says, adjusting his shirt and fiddling with his hair. From the time you've known Reid, you never really seen him be so worried about his appearance. Maybe it's just because you haven't seen him fully at work, he did have to look respectable enough. </p><p>"You know I have my interview today Reid, oh... I saw Morgan earlier," you bring up. </p><p>You can see Reid's eyes grow wide before he composes himself once again, "Oh really, what did you guys talk about?" </p><p>"Well, he seemed really surprised to hear that Garcia needed help and that there's a job open,"</p><p>He laughs nervously, his hand reaching up and adjusting his tie and smoothing his hair down. "Well, I heard Hotch was keeping it a secret or something, weird right?"</p><p>As soon as you were going to ask if there was really a job opening, the elevator doors open. He lets you exit the elevator first like the gentleman he is, and points over to the office on the second floor, "Hotch's office is there, good luck!" he says, waving at you as he makes his way to his desk.</p><p>You shoot Reid the stink eye before you sigh and climb up the short stairs and knock on Hotch's door. It takes him a while to call you in, and it just makes you even more nervous. His eyes are on you when you push open the door and it's intimidating. After shutting the door, you compose yourself and you give Hotch a smile as you shake his hand and take a seat. </p><p>"Nice to see you again, Y/N. So, let's get to it."</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Maybe I updated twice today. <br/>Maybe I'm excited about this.<br/>¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The interview went really well you think. You didn't hesitate whenever he asked a question, and your answers sounded confident enough. Hotch didn't know much about the computer side of things, but he was confident you knew it all so he stayed clear from that topic. He had said Garcia had vetted your work and that surprised you to hear.</p><p>He had said that he would contact you with the answer of whether or not you would be on the team. The interview was cut short for a case and Hotch gives you a quick apology and a handshake before he and the team jetted off. </p><p>It had been a few days since your interview, and luckily, you didn't fully quit your cafe job. You did the math one night and if you just banked on a salary from the temp job, you wouldn't be able to afford everything, so you just asked the cafe owner for fewer hours and told him about the temp job. Luckily, the owner was extremely understanding and was okay with giving you flexible hours instead of just giving you fewer hours.</p><p>Today was one of the days where no one was really coming into the cafe. The entire day was slow and you felt like you could just close up early seeing that no one was really coming in. The last customer you had seen was about two hours ago and now it had been pushing near nine o'clock. </p><p>You make slow work of closing, hoping that no one would walk into the store. Halfway through closing the bell above the door rings. You silently curse in the back room and make your way to the front to try and get rid of the customer as quickly as possible so you could go home and relax. </p><p>Instead of a customer, Reid stands in the middle of the cafe perusing the menu even though you know he had the entire thing memorized. </p><p>“What do you recommend?” he asks, humming softly as his eyes slowly read the menu for probably the sixth time since standing there.</p><p>”Sorry sir, we’re closed. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave the premises.”</p><p>You’ve already wiped down the coffee machine so you start brewing a cup of tea for him instead. </p><p>“Long case?” you ask, grabbing Reid a sandwich from the display case that you were probably going to take home instead of throwing out. </p><p>“Yeah,” he says. You can tell by the change in tone in his voice that it was a particularly difficult case. You’re glad you made him a cup of tea instead of coffee, hopefully, he’d be able to get some sleep. </p><p>You warm up the sandwich as you pour the tea into an actual cup this time, it didn’t seem like Reid was in any hurry to return to his house. </p><p>Reid takes his usual seat at the bar and you slide the cup over to him with a soft smile. “Have you eaten? I’m warming up a sandwich,”</p><p>He shakes his head no and you watch as his hands shake as he takes a sip from his cup. It must have been a really bad case if Reid was this shaken up from it. So you make quick work on his sandwich, placing it onto a plate before you slide that over to him as well.</p><p>Reid hesitates though. You don’t say anything, too afraid to ask why he’s not eating, but you walk out from behind the counter and take a seat next to him. </p><p>“Mind if I have the other half? I haven’t eaten yet.” You say, already taking the other half of the sandwich off his plate and taking a bite from it.</p><p>You can see Reid smile a bit before he picks up the other half and finally taking a bite from it.</p><p>The both of you sit in silence, the only thing heard is the soft sound of cars driving past and the sound of Debussy playing over the speakers. You had already turned off the main lights in the cafe so Reid’s face is lit up by pale orange light from lamps and the moonlight shining through the window.</p><p>It makes your heart flutter and you desperately try to keep down the feelings as you take the last bite of the sandwich.</p><p>"The victim was a girl that looked like you,” he mumbles, as he places the left-over crust back on the plate, “I think everyone on the team was shaken up by it.” </p><p>“A doppelgänger.” you say, resting your elbow on the counter and your head in your hand, “But I’m okay... Perfectly fine... Is there anything I can do to help?”</p><p>Reid just shakes his head and sips his tea. You take this as a sign to just act like business as usual, so you stand up. You clear the plate in front of Reid and you look him in the eyes as you eat the left-over crust he didn’t eat. </p><p>“Eat your crusts. It’s good for you.”</p><p>”What’s the science behind that? Is that a recent study I haven’t seen yet?”</p><p>You laugh before shrugging and washing the plate and returning it onto the stack. </p><p>“My dad used to say that to me when I was a kid,”</p><p>Reid nods slowly before taking another sip from his tea, “I’m going to have to fact check that,”</p><p>You make quick work cleaning up. Washing Reid’s cup when he’s done and returning it back into the stack. He even helps you sweep up the cafe and mop. It all seems domestic and you daydream about doing house chores with Reid. Washing dishes together and folding laundry. It’s pretty ridiculous to be even imagining it with a man who doesn’t even look at you that way, but you continue to hope. </p><p>By closing time, the cafe is spotless. Reid lingers around while you grab your things from the back. He opens the door for you before stepping out himself and waits with you as you lock up. </p><p>He walks with you to the end of the street and you knew he didn't live on the same side of town. He’s probably been up for a while and you didn’t want him to be wasting time walking you home instead of getting sleep that he desperately needed.</p><p>“I’m heading home,” you awkwardly say as you point your thumb towards your apartment. </p><p>You can see Reid’s panic in his eyes as soon as the words come out of your mouth and he immediately says, “Wanna come over and watch some movies?”</p><p>When guys used to ask you to come back to theirs you’d instantly turn them down, but this time you hesitate. Maybe it’s the desperation in his voice that worries you, or the look on his face when you said you were going home. </p><p>You both stand there, Reid waiting for an answer and you thinking if this was a good idea when a car drives a little too close to the curb for Reid’s liking. He’s instantly in front of you, shielding you as the car corrects its course. </p><p>He’s so close you can smell him and his hand is on your hip to help you steady yourself from the sudden movement. Your body feels tingly just from the small touch and when the coast is clear, Reid apologizes quietly and takes a step back. </p><p>“Yeah that would be fun,” you end up mumbling without thinking about it, "Oh. um... Do you mind if I take a shower at your place? I've been working all day and could use one,"</p><p>A smile breaks out on Reid's face and he nods, waiting for you to walk before walking beside you. You notice that he's been standing on the side where the curb is and whenever a car would pass by, Reid would get closer to you. </p><p>It was comforting knowing that Reid was watching after you, usually, when you did work the closing shift, you'd be on high alert when walking home. But this time, you let yourself relax while Reid led you to his apartment. </p><p>Reid's apartment was closer to the cafe than you thought. He unlocks the door to his place and opens the door for you and you walk in. You've never been at his place so you awkwardly stand in the middle of the little hallway while Reid flips on the lights. </p><p>"Sorry about the mess," you hear him say while he walks around picking up stray books and straightening up papers, "It's clean, I swear but I just put books and stuff everywhere when I'm working."</p><p>You reassure him that it's okay, and say that your apartment is probably worse than his when it comes to cleanliness. </p><p>"Oh, yeah the shower. It's right this way. Just let me grab some stuff and then it's all yours."</p><p>He leads you to the ensuite, and you feel yourself blush as you watch him flit in between his room and bathroom grabbing everything he needed.</p><p>"I'd have you use the guest bathroom and stuff, but there's nothing in there right now, so um... it's all yours" he says, pushing the bathroom door open wider when he gets done with it. "I'll be in the living room when you're ready to watch some movies.</p><p>You give him a soft smile as he passes by you and you tentatively walk into the bathroom. </p><p>You make quick work with showering and find that Reid had set out a new towel and some clothes for you to change into instead of your coffee-stained uniform. You hesitate a little when you see them folded up so nicely on the counter, but the thought of just putting on dirty clothes after showering grossed you out. </p><p>The pajama pants were honestly really cute. You never thought Reid to be one to have frog patterned pajama pants, but he did. Luckily, the pants had drawstrings so you could adjust it to fit you, but the top was a different story. It was one of his sweaters. A cream cable-knit sweater. When you put it on, you look like you're swimming in it.  </p><p>Tucking your work clothes into your bag before stepping out of the bathroom. The smell of popcorn fills the air and you follow the scent. A few lights in the living room provided enough light to see where you were going, but Reid had turned off the main light.</p><p>"Hey!" He says once he sees you lingering between the hallway and the living room, "I made popcorn, wanna choose a movie?"</p><p>Even though the room was dark enough, you could still see the blush on Reid's cheeks. He doesn't stay in one place though, making it hard to really tell why he was blushing, so you nod. Reid ends up taking your bag from you and hanging it on a little hook by the door while you take a seat on the couch. </p><p>Your hands shuffle through the stack of DVDs that was left out on the coffee table and eventually settle on Casablanca. While Ried transfers the popcorn into a bowl, you get up and pop the DVD into the player, fiddling around with the buttons until the menu pops up onto the screen. </p><p>Reid goes ahead and takes a seat on the couch, and you return to your previous spot. He had placed the bowl of popcorn in between the both of you and at first, you're worried it might tip over the couch but he keeps a steady hand on the bowl as you sit.</p><p>The movie begins to play and for a while, you were too nervous to really enjoy the movie, but after a while you find yourself engrossed in the story. Your hand occasionally dips into the bowl of popcorn, grabbing a handful every time to slowly munch on while your eyes are glued to the screen.</p><p>You occasionally glance over to Reid to check if he's falling asleep, but to your surprise, he's still awake, watching the movie quietly. Eventually, your eyelids begin to droop. The day had really gotten away from you and the tiredness finally catches up to you. You thought you would just close your eyes for a little bit and at the end of the movie, you'd catch a cab and head home. You try to stay awake, but you begin to drift off to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>Reid was worried that his choice in movies would bore you. He was relieved to see that you were enjoying Casablanca so much so he relaxed some more. For some reason, it flustered him to see you in his clothes. When he was picking out something for you to wear, he made sure it was comfortable enough for you to lounge around it. He was so used to seeing you in big hoodies and pajama pants from the time he spent with you in the BAU so he knew to an extent that you would be comfortable in his clothes. </p><p>His attention was pulled into the movie once again, he knew he movie by heart but it still captured his attention every time he watched it. The feeling of something hitting his shoulder surprised him. He carefully turns his head and sees the top of your head. </p><p>Reid's face immediately flushes, and he really stops himself from bolting up from his seat but the sight of you soundly asleep stops him. The angle is a bit weird, but he can see the tip of your nose, and your eyelashes flush against your skin. It just makes him want to gently caress your cheeks but he stops himself. </p><p>He wasn't quite sure what to do, but he carefully moves the popcorn bowl onto the floor and twists his body to face you a bit before slowly laying down, his head resting against the couch arm. </p><p>Spencer is stuck on how to move his legs so you were more comfortable instead of laying on your hip with your feet on the floor. It would certainly cause some back pain in the morning.</p><p>He rethinks his moves before realizing that he should have moved your legs first before laying down, so he slowly rises, keeping an arm around your shoulders to keep you from rolling off him.</p><p>Spencer slowly shifts his body and gently lifts your legs so they're on the couch. You stir a little and Spencer holds his breath, desperately hoping that you didn't wake up. Once in position, he reclines once again, his fingers gently pushing your hair away from your face and keeping an arm wrapped around your middle to keep you secure. </p><p>Casablanca was long done, but he paid no mind to the menu playing over and over again. He was more engrossed in the sight in front of him. The sight of you asleep on his chest, he was scared that his heart beating incredibly fast would wake you, but it didn't.</p><p>He thought he could stay up and as creepy as it sounded, he could just watch you sleep. Watch as your chest rise and fall with every breath, a gentle reminder that you were still here. </p><p>The case really shook him up. He was your friend now and seeing a girl who looked like you all mangled beyond recognition and disrespected made him extremely angry and unreasonable. Hotch even had to get him to calm down before he kicked him off the field.</p><p>He wondered why he was the only one reacting so negatively to the case. Sure, the team was all surprised and upset with what had happened, but Spencer was the one who was hit the hardest for some reason. He thought about it the entire time when he went to go see you at the cafe.</p><p>His eyes didn't deceive him, you were there, making him a cup of tea. But his brain kept telling him to check for sure. Make sure that it wasn't just a dream.</p><p>Having you here with him really reassured him. </p><p>After what seemed like hours, but in actuality probably thirty minutes, Spencer had also fallen asleep with your head tucked under his chin and his arm around your middle keeping you steady, more for a reminder to Spencer that you were here with him.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reid’s the first one to wake up, slowly taking note at the extra weight on his chest and staring up at the ceiling. A sleepy smile forms on his face and he finally looks down at you. He can feel your soft steady breath on his neck and its oddly comforting.</p><p>He wasn’t all that into human contact and just the fact that he was okay with this was a feat in itself. Maybe it's because it's you, or maybe he's just getting better at other people touching him.</p><p>He couldn't understand you. It's like you were a foreign language, something he's never learned. Although he was a genius, he found himself learning new things from you.</p><p>In a way, he thought of you as someone smarter than him. You were both soft and strong. The soft smiles and the gentle voice you use when you talk to him. But you're also strong-headed. You tease him when he's too in his head. You're always moving or doing something because you can't sit still but your movements are calm and calculated.</p><p>There are things that Spencer doesn't understand about you. How you could be so smart and successful but refuse to go back into the same industry but instead working in a cafe. Making enough money to live in a way nicer apartment uptown but continue to stay in a run-down place with mold growing on your ceiling.</p><p>He just could not understand you, and it interested him. He wanted to know what goes on in your head. You were someone he could learn a lot from and he couldn't wait to see what else you would teach him without even knowing. </p><p> </p><p>When Reid is awake enough, he gently slides out from under you, leaving a throw pillow under your head and gently draping a blanket on your body. It was comforting to see you in his living room, it made his heart feel funny for some reason. Maybe he should get that checked out. He stands there for a while just looking at you before deciding to get started on some sort of breakfast for you and him.</p><p>The smell of bacon slowly wakes you. At first, you're excited to be able to eat bacon for breakfast, but then you realize that you don't have bacon in your apartment, you don't even have fresh groceries at your place.</p><p>Along with that, you would never invite anyone back to your apartment, so who would be cooking. For a while, you think that you're back home with your dad. You try to recall what had happened last night and it comes back to you. Spencer coming into the cafe all shook up, then going to his apartment to watch movies. You must have fallen asleep while watching Casablanca.</p><p>You lift your head up, your hair flopping over your eyes a bit. Reid takes notice of your head popping up from behind the couch and gives you a soft smile. Pushing your hair out of your eyesight, you sit up completely, still a little bit out of it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep last night.”</p><p>"It's no problem, it was late... I uh made breakfast if you want some."</p><p>It takes you while before you stand up, adjusting the sweater so it covers your properly instead of hanging off one shoulder.</p><p>"Thank you," you mumble, sitting at the little kitchen table and blinking sleepily. Ried makes quick work to dish out the food, a few strips of bacon, and a simple breakfast sandwich along with some fruit. A change of the normal cup of tea and whatever you could get your hands on before work. </p><p>Spencer waits until you begin to eat before placing a cup of tea in front of you just the way you like it. For a minute you wonder how he knew, then you remembered he probably memorized how you made your tea at the cafe and it was heartwarming to know that something like that took up some space in Reid's mind.</p><p>You both sit in a nice silence. The sounds of cars from the street and occasional bike are the only audible thing in the apartment. Spencer breaks the silence eventually as you work on the fruit on your plate.</p><p>"Do you want to have another movie night?"</p><p>This catches you off guard. You only thought of this as a one-time thing. You didn't mean to stay quiet for so long, you only realized this when you saw Reid pushing his fruit around with his fork. </p><p>"Oh yeah, that would be great. Just uh... tell me when you're free."</p><p>Spencer straightens up, wiggling in his seat a bit and it's terribly endearing. You can see him debating on getting up in the middle of breakfast or finish his food before getting up. Ultimately, he does get up during breakfast. When he finally stands up, he walks over to his bag and fishes his phone out and returning it to his seat. He slides his phone over to you and smiles excitedly.</p><p>You put down your fork, returning his smile and inputting your contact information into his phone. </p><p>"So, you guys are using technology again at work?" you say as you pass back his phone into his hand.</p><p>"Yeah, with your program we're confident in using our phones again, then I realized I never got your phone number... and we got a little busy at work," he replies. You can see his eyes reading and rereading the numbers on the little screen before he places it back on the table and finishing the rest of his breakfast. </p><p> </p><p>Spencer ends up giving you a new toothbrush and a new pair of pants to wear out instead of pajama pants. You make quick work of getting ready for the day as best as you can. You debate on tossing the toothbrush but you don't, instead, you place the toothbrush into the holder along with Spencers and leave the decision to him. </p><p>The frog printed pajama pants make its way into the dirty laundry basket and you switch it out with regular jogging pants. When you exit the bathroom, Spencer walks in, probably getting ready to go into work and you feel bad that you took up his bathroom time so you end up washing the dishes that were left in the sink from breakfast. </p><p>"You didn't have to do that," he says as you dry your hands on a dishtowel. His hair is sticking out in every direction and it makes you laugh. </p><p>"It's no problem, thanks for making breakfast," you say in between your laughter. </p><p>Spencer looks at you funny, wondering what's gotten into you. </p><p>"Here," you say, walking over and going up onto your tippy toes, reaching up and trying to fix his hair as best as possible, "There, much better." </p><p>From here, you could easily admire how pretty his eyes are and you immediately turn red, pulling away and acting as nonchalant as possible.</p><p>You go to grab your bag from the hook and watch as Reid grabs his from the counter and the two of you step out. You wait as Reid locks up his apartment and the both of you make small talk as you ride the elevator down. Out on the curb, you say your "See you laters," and go in two different ways. Reid off to the BAU and you back to your own apartment.</p><p> </p><p>It isn't till a few days later you receive a call from Hotch asking you if you could come in and help Garcia with some work. Excited at the thought of working on something more your speed you get to the BAU early again.</p><p>You had originally planned to return the sweater and jogging pants to Reid the next time he invited you over for a movie night, but it seemed like he was swamped at work and he hadn't made any plans for anything so you kept it in your bag just in case you bumped into him at the cafe.</p><p>Originally, you wore a nice blouse once again but had forgotten you had to work the morning shift at the cafe which made the blouse wrinkly and smelled too much of coffee which hurt your head a bit.</p><p>The only change of clothes you had was the sweater in your bag and you couldn't go all the way back to your apartment to grab anything else. So you changed into it as soon as your shift at the cafe was over.</p><p>Luckily, you had gotten the same spot in the park to calm your nerves again.</p><p>You were going to be working with Garcia today. Someone who you thought hated you but seemed okay with you now. You had to try and make up with her properly so it wasn't all that awkward when you came in to help.</p><p>She would technically be your boss as well, coming into the job with an already bad relationship and having to work in such close proximity would be extremely awkward if you didn't nip this in the bud as quickly as possible. </p><p>Once it was closer to the time you were asked to come in, you set off towards the BAU. You kept fiddling with the sweater as you walked and as soon as you get into the building, they begin the process of putting you into the system. They took their time taking your photo for your ID card and while that was being made, you signed a bunch of paperwork confirming you were here to work. </p><p>Everything was set and with the shiny new ID badge. You felt a sense of pride in how you got here as you clipped it onto your jeans. Who knew a mix up would lead to something like this.</p><p>You make your way up the BAU division. The elevator was a bit packed with agents from different divisions so you had to push your way out of the elevator once it stopped on your floor.</p><p>There are quite a lot of boxes filled with papers littered all around the bullpen, you try not to disturb any of it and see that no one is here just yet. But you notice the light in Hotch's office on so you slowly make your way through the mess and up the stairs to knock on his door. </p><p>When Hotch opens the door, it seems like he hadn't slept in days. Dark circles under his eyes and a bit of stubble growing on his face. </p><p>"Y/N, nice seeing you again. Sorry for the mess, please, come sit down. Garcia should be coming in a few minutes." he says, leaving the door open as he makes his way back to his desk. </p><p>As you sit, you move a stack of manilla folders off the chair and onto the desk. You can hear Hotch sigh when he catches sight of the stack of paperwork and it makes you wince a bit, maybe you shouldn't have moved the stack.</p><p>"Sorry, no that wasn't at you. Just at the paperwork. We've been transitioning into an electronic database instead of having boxes and boxes of paperwork." he says taking the stack and placing them behind his desk. </p><p>"How's Reid handling that, he's not quite fond of electronic devices, he's like a ninety-year-old man really." You joke, placing your bag onto the floor next to the chair. This cracks Hotch's stoic facade and he's chuckling at your little jab at Reid's phobia of electronics. </p><p>"We're working on it, he seems to be a little open to the thought of it now." He ends up saying after.</p><p>Garcia walks in after a while, a bright smile on her face and a mug in her hand filled with what seemed like coffee. "Good morning boss man, lovely day don't you think,"</p><p>Hotch formally introduces you to Garcia and you immediately stand up, offering her your hand for a handshake. It's a bit stiff and awkward when you stand, but you hope that it gets across that you're being friendly. To your surprise, Garcia shakes your hand. You can see her eyebrow raise a bit when she looks you up and down.</p><p>From there, Hotch leaves you to Garcia's care. She leads you to her cave and you're amazed at the speed she's going with a full mug of coffee. Once inside, she gently sets her mug down at her station and shuts the door behind you. Immediately she's in front of you with her finger wiggling at your outfit, "Okay, that is our boy genius' sweater! Spill! How did you get that!" She exclaims. </p><p>For a second you think she's accusing you of stealing yet another thing from him but then you realize that she has a giant smile on her face.</p><p>"W-Wait, so you don't hate me?"</p><p>The shock on Garcia's face was something you didn't expect to see. "No no no! Sure, I was a little annoyed that you got past me but that's long gone, us sisters in arms have got to stick together. This job is a male-dominated profession and I'd rather not be fighting with another goddess," she says, as she wraps her arms around you in a hug.</p><p>It's a little awkward but you let it happen, wrapping your arms around her for a bit before she pulls away and sits at her desk. "I would have come and told you when you were staying here... but Spencer said that you were very busy, which I completely understand," </p><p>Completely busy? From what you remember, the only busy time was near the beginning where the heaviest programming was done. But the rest of the time you'd have periods of time of just waiting to see if the program ran correctly. </p><p>Garcia notices your confusion and she gasps, this turns your attention at her and you walk closer to her desk. "What?" You ask, placing your bag on top of a few boxes of paperwork. </p><p>"Was Sherlock gatekeeping?" </p><p>You shake your head and laugh a bit. The statement was just so wrong but Garcia keeps insisting that it was the truth.</p><p>After Garcia is done insisting that Spencer was gatekeeping you, she shows you the desk next to hers with a computer set up and a few boxes on top of the table.</p><p>"Sorry the desk is small, since it's temp work, we couldn't get you a proper desk... but I did get you this!" She says, standing up and walking over to the small set up, and picking up a little figurine of a puppy.</p><p>"The job's grim... we're going to look at some pretty yucky stuff..." she trails off and you smile softly seeing how caring she was. You would have to go out later and get her something nice for being so nice and understanding even when you thought she hated you.</p><p>“But, that's the job! So let's get started!" </p><p>After a short explanation of what exactly needs to be done, and reassurance that if you need any help she'll be right here, you both get to work.</p><p>Garcia had asked you to start on creating a program that would help with searching for cases and she worked on an easy way to filter things. It was pretty quiet, the sounds of the keyboard were really the only thing heard in the room but a tentative knock interrupts Garcia and your attention. The door pushes open after Garcia says it's open and Reid takes a tentative step inside. </p><p>"Well well well, look who it is." you hear Garcia say, and you eventually turn around and see Spencer standing in the threshold of the room. He looks like he's on the verge of bolting right out.</p><p>"Oh hey," you say, turning in your chair and looking back at him, "I didn't know you were working today," </p><p>Reid smooths down his vest and you think that he's just about to walk right back out of the room but instead, he asks, "I was just wondering if you wanted to get lunch?"</p><p>You could hear Garcia squeal quietly before she covers her mouth with her hand and immediately turning to her computer. You know she's eavesdropping either way but it was the thought that counts. You look at the cat clock on the wall and see that you had missed lunch and you nod. "Sure, that'd be great." </p><p>Garcia hums happily and as you walk by her, grabbing your bag. "I'll get you something to eat Garcia," you say as you pass by and she just hums even louder. </p><p>The second the door closes Garcia is furiously grabbing for her phone, calling Morgan to tell him what had happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You and Spencer end up at a little pizzeria a few streets over. Something quick and easy just in case Spencer had to rush back to the BAU. Luckily, the lunch rush had just finished and the pizzeria was just about empty apart from a few people waiting in the lobby for their pizza.</p><p>While the place was nice enough, it felt a bit off somehow. Like someone was watching you, but every time you turned back to see if anyone was there you could only see people outside. It really creeped you out and you tried to stay close to Spencer just in case something would happen.</p><p>You look over the menu once again trying to figure out what to get Garcia and Reid slides up behind you, "Garcia's vegetarian," he says. You jump a bit, clutching the sweater right where your heart was. "I appreciate the information, but Reid... terrifying."</p><p>He laughs a bit before shrugging. He stays in that spot though, right behind you as if he was shielding you from something. So Spencer felt like someone was watching you too.</p><p> </p><p>Morgan was not expecting you to be wearing Pretty Boy's sweater. Garcia had immediately called him when the two of you left the BAU and he immediately walked to Garcia's office to get all the information.</p><p>Somehow, Garcia got him to "accompany" her to a store right across the street from the place they were having lunch at. It's not like they were spying on you and Spencer. No, nothing like that. They were just here looking at ceramics, nothing more than that.</p><p>Just two friends looking at all these delicate ceramics. He felt like he was a little out of place, but Garcia fit in perfectly. If Garcia wasn't so invested in Reid and Y/N she would most definitely be shopping around.</p><p>"You don't think they noticed us do you?" She asks, pretending to look at the mug. </p><p>"Maybe if you agreed to put on a hat and some sunglasses,"</p><p>"Darling, you and I both know I would never be caught in such drab clothing,"</p><p>Morgan rolls his eyes a bit, but it's the truth. Garcia would never wear something so plain, it was a wasted effort to even ask her of that.  "I don't think we've been spotted," he says, trying to hide behind a stand of postcards and key chains, "Spencer's looking around a lot though, so I have a feeling he knows he's being watched though."</p><p>They stand there for a while hoping their cover isn't blown but eventually, the crowd thins out and eventually they move into the next shop. </p><p>"Did she say why she was wearing Spencer's sweater?" Morgan asks, picking up a newspaper and reading a few things, occasionally looking up and seeing Spencer laughing through the window. Their position is odd, but they could still see Spencer pretty well.</p><p>From what they've seen, Spencer is interacting with someone on purpose rather than being pinned into a conversation. It was a new thing. Although Spencer was personable enough, he didn't actively seek out someone to hang out with.</p><p>When Garcia had called him, Morgan could not believe what he had heard. Spencer? Asking someone to lunch instead of just tagging along with someone from the team or just eating lunch in the office. </p><p>"I didn't really pry into why, but it is most definitely his sweater. I remember him wearing it a few times in the office and you teased him about changing his style and he stopped wearing it for a while, also. Hello? It's pretty huge on her so, I'm pretty sure that it isn't <em>hers</em>," she emphasizes.</p><p>They watch as Spencer talks animatedly, his hand gestures are big and open and from a profiler perspective, Derek instantly notices how comfortable he was talking to someone in such a public space. Whenever they did go out, Spencer would curl into himself. They were always able to see how uncomfortable he was but now Spencer looks genuinely happy to be with someone, especially someone who he's met in the past few months.</p><p>Morgan asks, "Does he look like that when we eat lunch together?"</p><p>Garcia shakes her head no, adjusting her glasses and squinting as if that would help her see the pair better, "No, never. I wonder what they're talking about,"</p><p>She tries her best to lip read but the things she's getting are absurd and definitely not something Spencer would be saying.</p><p>They keep a watchful eye on the pair and when Spencer and Y/N leave the pizzeria, Y/N carrying a takeout bag, Morgan and Garcia duck their heads down, hiding behind the newspaper. They watch as the pair walk slowly back to the office and Garcia notices the soft smiles they exchange and the fond look in Spencer's eyes.</p><p>Garcia gasps, slapping Derek's arm, "We gotta get back before them, they're bringing me lunch,"</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, Derek and Garcia make it back to the office before the highly speculated love birds and discuss their findings at Derek's desk, keeping a watchful eye on the elevator. </p><p>"Did you see! Did you see the way he looked at her!" Garcia exclaims and is immediately shushed by Morgan.</p><p>"Not so loud, what if someone hears and asks them about it... but yeah, Pretty Boy was making some pretty eyes at Y/N."</p><p>Garcia squeals, trying to compose herself after a stern look from Morgan but she continues to make excited noises. "Do you think she knows?" She asks as she leans against Morgan's desk.</p><p>"More importantly, do you think Boy Genius knows,"</p><p>The elevator doors open once interrupting their conversation and Y/N walks out with Spencer right behind her now carrying the take-out bag that they had seen Y/N carrying out of the pizzeria. Morgan's eyebrow raises and he takes a seat at his desk, pretending to be extremely interested in his paperwork while Garcia averts her eyes and looks at the things on Derek's desk. </p><p>"Your lunch Garcia," Spencer says as he holds out the plastic bag. </p><p>"We got you a salad and some cheese pizza," Y/N says, smiling softly and saying a quick hello to Derek. </p><p>Luckily, Derek's a fantastic liar and smiles at the pair as Garcia thanks Spencer before dashing off to the break room to eat. </p><p>"She's not going to eat out here like usual?" Spencer says as he watches Garcia exiting, "She didn't stay around to chat either, is everything okay with her?"</p><p>"I should get back to work," You say, giving Morgan a wave and a soft smile to Reid before making your way back to Garcia's cave.</p><p>Spencer stands next to Morgan's desk though waving at you as he watches you walk away, and once you're out of sight, his attention is on Morgan.</p><p>"Why were you spying on Y/N and me, if you wanted to come to lunch with us, you could have just asked. It wasn't a secret we went out."</p><p>Morgan looks exasperated, placing his paperwork on his desk and closing the manilla folder it came in, "I wasn't spying on you. I was shopping with Garcia and we saw the two of you making googly eyes at each other the entire time."</p><p>Reid looks confused and Morgan pretends to be him, smiling widely pretending to be overly in love.</p><p>"I wasn't doing that. We were having lunch.," Reid interrupts before Morgan's charade gets too much attention from the other agents. "We were talking about how pizza is made and how we should try to make some the next movie night we have."</p><p>This surprises Morgan. New information about the relationship whether or not Spencer really understands. Spencer inviting someone to <em>his</em> apartment and inviting them again? Morgan has known this kid for years and he's never gotten invited over. Sure he's seen the place, but he's never invited by Spencer himself.</p><p>"Movie night? Mind if I come?" Morgan asks, a small smirk on his face.</p><p>He can see the hesitation on Spencer's face. The small nose scrunch and the fiddling with his fingers. He's clearly torn on inviting Morgan. </p><p>"I'd like to get to know Y/N too. It'll be a good bonding thing, we should invite the rest of the team." He tacks on, watching as Spencer gets more and more hesitant. </p><p>Even if Spencer didn't invite him, he'll probably still show up and hang around to see what's happening with the pair. He was curious, sue him. From the many years of knowing Reid, Morgan's never seen the kid show any interest in having a love life and he just wanted to know if he was in good hands really. Sure he knew Y/N, but he didn't <em>know</em> Y/N. </p><p>"We don't really know when the next one will be... so I'll keep you updated," he says, before smiling awkwardly and walking back to his desk.</p><p>Morgan knew the kid would most definitely lie and say he had forgotten to text him because phones aren't his thing. He would have to figure out when this movie night was going to happen on his own. Maybe he could get Garcia to look into it, he had a feeling she'd want to be included in this plan.</p><p> </p><p>There were only a few things in life that you could name off the top of your head that gave you pure unfiltered joy, and this was not one of those things. After Garcia had finished eating her lunch in the breakroom, which was weird according to Reid, she came back to her office and has been silently staring at you for about fifteen minutes now. When you'd look up you'd catch her avert her eyes and pretend to be typing away at her computer. </p><p>"Okay, spit it out. The whole staring thing has gotten really weird," you say after sighing and turning in your chair to face Garcia.</p><p>This only prompts Garcia to squeal and roll her chair over to yours and taking your hands into hers, "Okay, first off! The sweater? Pleeaase explain this to me. It's been bugging me all day!"</p><p>You promptly explain what happened, starting back at the movie night and then going into not finding time to return it, then to today. “I would have worn a blouse or something but it got really wrinkled under my apron and was worried that the coffee smell would be too much,” </p><p>Garcia is bright-eyed and listening intently, hanging on to every word you say and at first you find it uncomfortable. But you keep going nevertheless and after a while, it became comforting. Knowing that you’re being listened to.</p><p>"So, what you're telling me is. You had a sleepover with Sherlock and you took his sweater and he isn't asking for it back <em>and</em> you guys went out for lunch."</p><p>You nod, smiling softly as Garcia basically vibrated in her seat. "Yeah, I think we're gonna have another movie night next week if he isn't on a case. I think he wants to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show." </p><p>"Good for you. Good for our boy! Oh man, I am excited."</p><p>It seemed like Garcia wanted to say more, but she held back and gave you a quick hug before rolling back to her station. You look at her for a while and all she does is smile and furiously type away on her phone. It was a bit ominous honestly. The lack of explanation of why Garcia was praising you and Spencer. Isn't that what friends do? Hang out and have fun?</p><p>You thought for a while as you stare at your keyboard. Maybe you should invite Garcia, maybe that's why the conversation ended so fast? Was she waiting for an invitation to hang out? You didn't want to invite someone since you weren't the one hosting so maybe you should ask Spencer if she could tag along.</p><p>Throughout the entire day, you really debate asking Spencer. On one hand, you wanted to get to know Garcia some more, she was fun and nice and it seemed like she wanted to be friends with you. But you also didn't want another person hanging around during your movie night. It meant Spencer's attention would be either divided or he would be uncomfortable.</p><p>When the workday was done, Garcia was the first one to leave, giving you a tight hug and a big smile before packing her things up and heading home. You secretly hoped that Reid stuck around for a little bit more so you could see him one more time before going home. </p><p>Grabbing your things you notice the little figure Garcia gave you and smile. Maybe inviting her wouldn't be so bad. She was really nice and you enjoyed her company and Reid seemed to be okay with his coworkers enough to invite them over as well. Right then and there, you decide to text Reid later and ask him if she could invite Garcia to the next movie night. </p><p>Asking Reid if Garcia could come to movie night was harder than you thought. It had been a few days already and you still haven't gotten the courage to send the message. You've also seen him a few times over the past few days as well and you just couldn't bring it up. Movie night was fast approaching and you sit on your bed staring at your phone that lay on top of your nightstand. It would only take a few messages and it would be over but you just couldn't figure out how to ask.</p><p>Grabbing your phone, you compose the text three times, reading rereading then erasing, and starting all over again.</p><p>You stare at your phone reading the message you think is good enough before sending it, a simple "Hey Reid. About movie night, do you mind if Garcia tags along? It seems like she really wanted to come when I brought it up a few days ago."</p><p>After sending the message, you turn up the volume on it before shoving it into your nightstand drawer. You go around tidying things up and hoping you didn't say anything wrong. Thinking about the message, you remember that Reid was a technophobe and you desperately hope that he knows how to respond to text messages.</p><p>A shrill ring interrupts your thoughts and you just about fall out of your bed as you pull open your drawer. You fumble around with your phone until you answer, not bothering reading the caller ID.</p><p>"Hello?" You say out of breath, running your fingers through your hair to push it out of your face.</p><p>"Y/N? Hey, it's me"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You could feel your breathing stop. Your chest feels like it's tightening and it made it difficult to breathe. Fear wracked your body and made it difficult to move.</p><p>"How you've been? ...Hope you're doing good. I was just thinking about you, dad seems good. I saw him a few days ago, he seems to be getting better... he's up and moving, running errands. I saw him at the little market the two of you used to go to? The one down Third and Main? Yeah, he was with his caretaker and couldn't go say hello... what a waste."</p><p>After what seemed like hours, you're finally able to get something out, "How did you get this number?"</p><p>"Oh easy, don't even worry about it. Listen, I need some cash."</p><p>"I don't have any" you mumble, pulling at a loose thread in your comforter.</p><p>"Just three thousand, you have that. I'll come pick it up."</p><p>The call ends suddenly and you sit there, phone in hand. You go over your options, give him the money or don't. Leave the apartment or stay. Your mind goes a mile a minute and you quickly get off the bed. Sure you had the money to give him, but it meant it would encourage him to keep asking for money. How did he find out where you lived. How was he able to get that close to dad. </p><p>You rip open your closet, shuffling through the hangers and grabbing as much clothing as you could. Tossing it into an empty bag, you grab all your valuables and placing them into the bag as well. You didn't really have a place to go, but anywhere would be better than here when he comes. </p><p>The clock was ticking and you knew if you didn't get out sooner than later, you'd be in big trouble. As you place your laptop into your bag and zip it up, a knock on the door echos through the apartment.</p><p>You could feel your body freeze for a second and your brain is yelling at you to move, go out through a window and down the fire escape. Do something. Anything. But you're frozen in your spot and the knocks on the front door have escalated to banging. </p><p>Eventually, the door gets ripped open. Crashing into the wall and leaving a big dent into the drywall. Cole saunters in, dusting his pants off with his hands and laughing a bit.</p><p>"Why didn't you open the door? I called you saying I was coming. There goes our warm welcome, quite disappointing." he says as he sighs.</p><p>You watch as his hands' trail over your things. The back of your couch. The countertop. His fingertips drag against the wall. </p><p>"So, the money?" he says.</p><p>"I don't have it," you reply, tightening your grip on your bag.</p><p>This ticks off Cole. Immediately he's slamming his fist against the wall and leaving another hole in the wall.</p><p>"Money," he repeats</p><p>You keep your lips shut, looking away from Cole's stare and this just gets him even angrier. He begins throwing things against the far wall. Your things are shattering and the debris is flying, all the things you've bought, all the things you thought would make your apartment feel more like home. You shield your eyes from it the moment he begins and he's flipping your coffee table over and smashing your television. </p><p>"Get me my money," he says as he walks over to you.</p><p>You're shrinking in fear and for a second, you see the man who Cole used to be. The man you would see in the late-night light when you went downstairs to get a drink of water, who would smile at you and carry you back upstairs and tuck you in. The man who would kiss your skinned knees when you'd fall off the swing from trying to go around the bar. But that illusion is cracked as soon as he shoves you against the wall a little too hard. You think he's satisfied with the damage done but instead, he swings his hand and slaps you, the skin tingling already from it.</p><p>"I'll be back." is the last thing you hear and as soon as you hear the door rattling in the doorframe, you find yourself on the floor. The feeling of stinging on your cheek keeps you aware of what happened, but you can't really feel anything else. You feel as if you're just watching the scene instead of being in it.</p><p>A viewer of your own life and you're desperate to take control and get up but your limbs are too heavy. It felt like you were sinking into the floor and all you could do was sit and watch as your eyes grow dimmer and dimmer.</p><p>Your ears are ringing as you breathe shaky breaths and you're curling into yourself. Knees against your chest, arms around them. You've cried your share of tears years ago, thinking that if you got it all out then, you wouldn't have to cry anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Reid was in the neighborhood when he got the text. As much as he wanted to spend more time with Y/N, he thought it might be a good idea to invite more people so you had more friends. He didn't want to keep you all to himself no matter what Garcia said about gatekeeping you.</p><p>Reid was going to reply, but he thought it might be better to see you in person. Sure, it would be easier to just send a message back or even call, but before he could really think about it, his legs began walking towards your apartment. </p><p>On the way up he bumps into a man who gives him a death stare and a cold, "Watch where you're going." Spencer doesn't mind all that much so he apologizes and watches as the man stomps down the stairs. He seems familiar with the building so Spencer concludes that he's probably a tenet in the building instead of someone visiting. He watches as the man exits the building and once out of sight, Spencer continues upstairs to your apartment.</p><p>The moment he sees the door, he knows something was wrong. A bootprint stark against the wood and the door warped was something that wasn't there the last time he came. It had been a while since he was there, but you didn't seem like a person who would keep a bootprint on the door.</p><p>He approaches carefully and hopes that you're inside and not some intruder who was looking to make a few quick bucks from a burglary. Even if it was his day off, Reid was prepared with his pistol strapped to his leg. Even if he was armed, he didn't really want to use his gun, hoping to just talk down the intruder instead, maybe going as far as a scuffle. Somedays he wishes he was as strong as Morgan. He would have to quickly think of ways to take down someone stronger than him.</p><p>As soon as he's next to the door, he listens in, only to be met with muffled cries. Spencer takes a deep breath, preparing for what's on the other side of the door before knocking softy on the door. The sound frightens you. It scares you so much that you scramble to the furthest place you could think of at the moment. Dashing off to the bathroom, you shut the door and hiding behind the shower curtain clutching your bag with dear life. Maybe if you were quiet enough Cole would leave you alone.</p><p>Spencer of course hears the sound of footsteps receding and it worries him. He tests the knob and finding it unlocked, "Y/N? I'm coming in" he calls out as he pushes the door open.</p><p>The sight of the apartment being torn apart like this worried him even more. He slowly makes his way through the apartment, checking out all doors to make sure no one else was in the place. He calls out to you in a soft voice, "Y/N? Are you in here?"</p><p>There were no signs of struggle if it was an abduction. Sure the apartment was a mess, but it was done on purpose, not caused by someone struggling. Spencer had to act quickly, but carefully. He wasn't even sure you were in there, it could be someone else. He had to be prepared for anything in this scenario.</p><p>The bathroom was the last place to check, he quietly walks over knocking on the door and waiting for some type of response. "Y/N?" he calls out, pressing his ear against the wood, straining to hear anything on the other side. </p><p>"Reid?" he hears and the moment he hears your broken voice, he's twisting the knob and pushing the door open. </p><p>He doesn’t spot you immediately, not until he pulls back the curtain to find you curled up with your things. It breaks his heart seeing you look so defeated. </p><p>He doesn’t make any sudden movements, slowly crouching down next to the tub and giving you a soft smile. “You're okay,” he whispers, resting his hand on the lip of the tub. From here he can get a proper look at you. </p><p>A bruise had already begun to form on your cheek and it seemed like there was blood trickling down your neck. He would have to check for signs of a concussion, but right now he was more focused on getting you someplace safe.</p><p>It took a while for Spencer to be able to coax you out of the tub. He always had an eye on the door, making sure that no one was coming in. By the time the two of you were in a cab back to Spencer's apartment, you were able to mumble out a quiet "thank you" to him. </p><p>Quickly as he could, he opened his apartment door for you and placed your bag on the counter. You watch as he grabs a first aid kit from above the fridge and he gently leads you over to his couch. You've had your fair share of bumps and bruises, but never one that made you bleed. Normally, you'd just brush it off and say you don't need something like bandages, but the worry in Spencer's eyes shuts your mouth from protesting. As gentle as he can, he parts your hair and finds the wound and cleaning it up.</p><p>"It doesn't look like it needs any stitches which is good." He whispers. </p><p>The closeness worried you, too afraid that if he gets any closer you'd just collapse into his arms and cry. Years and years of holding back the tears could resurface when Spencer was right in front of you showing you compassion and care. </p><p>"I need to check if you have a concussion Y/N." </p><p>He goes through the list of signs that signify a concussion, asking if you have a headache, dizziness, nausea. You admitted to feeling an impending headache and this worries Spencer even more.</p><p>So far, the only thing you've done to Spencer instead of making him smile is just worrying him, it made you feel like a burden and as soon as he's off to the bathroom to grab some aspirin, you're trying to grab your stuff to leave him alone for the rest of the day so he could relax on his day off. </p><p>"H-Hey, where are you going?" You hear right as soon as your hand is on the doorknob. The look on Spencer makes you falter, your hand trembling as you slowly let go of the knob and awkwardly standing in the hall before reluctantly going back to your seat on the couch.</p><p>"Where were you going to go? The hospital? I-I mean I can take you, but I'm pretty confident with my first aid," he says taking a seat next to you. The gap between both of you seems big and you just want to come in closer and be able to feel vulnerable for a little while longer before you're forced to face the reality of your life. </p><p>"I don't want to bother you," you end up saying. Reid gives you a sad smile before he puts a few aspirins in your hand and getting up quickly for a glass of water. </p><p>When you put the pills into your mouth, a glass of water is being handed to you. </p><p>Reid stays quiet for a while and it's making you anxious. You knew that the next thing Reid would do is question you about what happened and you didn't <em>really</em> want to talk about it. Your life situation was none of his business and you were already taking up too much of his time. Maybe that was the downfall of all your personal relationships, not being able to connect.</p><p>Sure you can create systems that protect people and write lines and lines of code to help others connect with people, but when it came to you talking about your life? That was too much for other people to know. Too much information that would certainly crash servers and databases. A virus that no one should have access too. If you kept it to yourself, if you suffered in peace, fewer people would be corrupted with the information you lived in.</p><p>You wait for the fated question, staring down at the half-empty glass of water.</p><p>"You don't have to tell me what happened right now, but... you can't go back there." </p><p>That was something you didn't expect to hear even after what Spencer had seen. You knew Spencer deduced enough from what he had seen at your apartment. Sure, it wasn't the full story, but it was enough to know you were cracked. Cracked under the persona you presented to the world.</p><p>"I have a guest room you can use... the bed's good, and the bathroom in there is clean... I just- I just need to know you're out of harm's way Y/N," </p><p>All your life, you waited for someone to care. Whether you actively searched for it or not. You just wanted someone to ask you if you were okay. If you were safe. Even though you knew Spencer for the short time together, you didn't expect it to be him. A germaphobic technophobe who could outwit everyone you knew with a smile.</p><p>Who you had a soft spot for whether you admitted it or not. Someone who if they asked you to do something, you'd do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked.</p><p>The look he gave you slowly eroded the wall you put up to keep everyone safe.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe... You wouldn't corrupt Spencer.</p><p>"Okay," you whisper.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few days were a whirlwind. Spencer had contacted Hotch and informed him what had happened without going into it so much. He even called the cafe and explained that you were very sick and wouldn't be able to come in.</p>
<p>What surprised you the most was he stayed home for work. He said he had accumulated a lot of vacation time, and why not use it now all things considering. </p>
<p>After the incident, Spencer returned to your apartment to pick up anything else that was left behind on accident and had seen the place trashed even more. The person responsible must have come back and freaked out after seeing that you were long gone.</p>
<p>Spencer desperately hoped you would talk to him about it with him so he can ask Garcia to keep track of this person, do something instead of being a sitting duck. Another precaution that would make both of you feel better. But he didn't push on it. He knew that you'd tell him sooner or later, and he wasn't in a rush. He was there with you to keep you safe right now, and that was enough for now. </p>
<p>It had come up to four days since the incident and the first few nights were a bit rough. You constantly had nightmares and it made it difficult to even get a few hours of sleep. Coffee was the only thing that kept you a little bit sane, that and reading a few books that were laid out on the coffee table.</p>
<p>You suspected Reid switching them out every few days to keep you preoccupied. He probably heard you crying in the middle of the night and wasn't all that sure how to comfort you. His own way of saying "Hey, it's okay. I'm right down the hall if you need me," </p>
<p>By the second week of staying at Reid's, you got a bit more comfortable. You still haven't been sleeping much but living at Reid's gave you a lot of things to do, things to look at. You've read a fair share of books, even began reading a few of Reid's dissertations from college.</p>
<p>You also got a bit anxious and felt like you needed to clean everything to feel clean. Clean yourself from your past. Reid would tell you that you didn't have to do anything, but you felt bad for mooching off him, and deep down, you felt like it something you needed to do to feel more at home at the apartment. </p>
<p>What surprised you the most was on the first night of staying there. Since your new room and bathroom was void of any necessities, you went to use Reid's bathroom and found the toothbrush that he had given you that one morning still sitting in the holder right next to his. It felt weird taking the brush from the holder and placing it into the guest bathroom so you just left it there and it just became a thing.</p>
<p>Every morning and night, usually, both of you would go to the bathroom together to get ready and brush your teeth together. At first, it was awkward, but eventually, it was comforting, a routine that you looked forward to. You would stand to the right and Reid the left and make funny faces at each other as you brushed your teeth.</p>
<p>One night, you were extremely tired and were brushing your teeth poorly, or at least that's what Reid said and took your toothbrush in his hands and brushed your teeth for you. His toothbrush still hanging out of his mouth, one hand on your toothbrush and the other holding your chin.</p>
<p>Living with Reid was easy. Honestly, everything with Reid was easy. There was a period of time where it seemed like he was walking on eggshells, unsure how to approach you, but now that was long gone and the two of you acted like you've been living with each other for years. It was just easy.</p>
<p>Now, the biggest thing on your calendars was the movie night with Morgan and Garcia that Spencer kept pushing back to make sure you were okay enough to see other people. </p>
<p>When the team heard that you were "sick", they all sent messages of reassurance and making sure if there was anything you needed to call them. It was really sweet and it made you feel bad about lying to them about what really happened, but you think that telling Spencer first was the most important thing right now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Movie night was today and Reid had promised that you didn't have to lift a finger. But you insisted you help with dinner at least so you didn't feel all that helpless. After a few minutes of hard stares and Reid giving you the poker face, he finally gave in and let you help cut up veggies for the pizzas.</p>
<p>Even though working on dinner preoccupied your mind from worrying, that feeling was still deep in your brain. Worrying about the bruise on your cheek, it was still pretty predominate on your skin and you knew that it was something that a persons eyes notices first. Worried about if this was really something that was real. Worried that if you fell asleep, you'd wake up in your apartment with Cole tormenting you.</p>
<p>But right now, the bruise was the most pressing issue, sure it was healing pretty nicely, but you could still clearly tell that you were slapped pretty hard. You tried covering it up with concealer, but the undertones of the bruise still showed up. Reid reassured you that Morgan or Garcia wouldn't ask about it, but you couldn't help but be nervous about it.</p>
<p>You were sitting at the kitchen table helping Reid cut up some tomatoes when the knock on the door happened. For a minute you think you're back in your own apartment with Cole breaking down your door until a warm hand on yours snaps you back to reality. </p>
<p>Spencer's soft smile reminds you that you're at his and that you're safe with him, "That's just Morgan and Garcia," he says quietly, his thumb gently rubbing circles onto your hand.</p>
<p>You nod, standing up and wiping your hands on a dishtowel while Spencer goes and gets the door. You falter a bit trying to decide if you should go and greet them as well, but while you're double thinking about going Garcia comes in and in a flash, she's wrapping her arms around you in a tight embrace.</p>
<p>It's comforting and you sink into the hug, wrapping your arms around her as well, and eventually, she pulls away with a soft smile on her face. You take a good look at her and notice she's fully decked out in pajamas and look over at Morgan who is also in his. </p>
<p>"Hey, dollface," Morgan says walking over and giving you a hug as well. Lots of hugs were exchanged, and in Spencer's case, short hugs before he's back in the kitchen with Morgan to resume on the pizzas.</p>
<p>You keep Garcia company while she pursues through Reid's movies. You can clearly see the hesitation in her eyes when she notices the bruise on your cheek, but she says nothing and continues to talk your ear off filling you in on what you missed while you were out of the office. The transition was going good albeit slower now that you were out of office. She reassures you that it's completely okay and Hotch understands and your position is still in good standing. </p>
<p>While Garcia and you are talking in the living room, Morgan begins his interrogation on Reid who was busy putting spinach on your pizza. </p>
<p>"So, what's up with the long vacation kid?" he asks as he picks at the mushrooms on the cutting board. Reid can see where he's going with this, but he doesn't let him get too far so he doesn't assume anything bad about you. "Y/N needed a place to stay so I offered her the guest room. Nothing going on."</p>
<p>This surprises Morgan. He thought he would have to poke and prod a little bit more to get information out of him but Reid's willingly giving information out.</p>
<p>"And does this have to do with the bruise on her cheek?" </p>
<p>Reid hesitates and Morgan notices. He thinks he's on the nose about it and expects Reid to deflect or move the conversation along but instead, he sighs and looks right at Derek, "I can't talk about it,"</p>
<p>So Spencer was deflecting a bit, but Derek watches the kid's actions become less fluid and natural. He knows that this is eating up at Spencer and that he can't do anything about it until something is resolved. So instead of digging any deeper, Derek washes his hands and helps out with the pizzas.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night had become a sort of a getaway in a sense. You didn't feel any pressure about talking about what happened, no one pushed and it felt as if the incident didn't even happen. Garcia had decided on a few episodes of Star Trek and then Rocky Horror Picture Show. Garcia and Reid were the most interested in Star Trek while you and Derek focused more on the pizza. When it came around to Rocky Horror Picture Show, everyone was singing along to the music and having a few drinks. </p>
<p>You were a bit hesitant about drinking but you had a few glasses of wine while Garcia and Morgan got a little too drunk. It was interesting seeing Garcia turning up her charm and Morgan reciprocating. Sure, they flirted pretty heavily while at work from what you've seen, but this was a different level. It didn't bother you all that much but Spencer looked a little lost at their flirting and had gotten up to use the restroom in between the heavy flirting.</p>
<p>"Y/N, don't you think Spencer looks cute in his pajamas?" Garcia asks, humming happily as she takes another sip of her wine.</p>
<p>"Well, I... they're just pajamas. I'm pretty sure he washed them a few days ago when he found them shoved all the way in the back of his closet."</p>
<p>This piques Garcia's interest and she's putting her wine down and turning her full attention to you. "How do you know that?"</p>
<p>Morgan looks like he already knows, so he just sits quietly as he nurses his beer and you look at him, pleading for a lifeline but he just shrugs and sits back.</p>
<p>"I uh... moved in a few weeks ago or something?"</p>
<p>This information makes Garcia gasp, taking both of your hands into hers and giving them a squeeze. “Is everything okay?” she whispers. You’re lucky that you aren’t all that drunk yet, if she had asked you that when you’ve had too much to drink you would absolutely sob into her arms in a second. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m all good Garcia, really.”</p>
<p>She doesn’t look like she fully believes you but it’s a good enough answer it seems because she nods and gives your hands another reassuring squeeze.</p>
<p>Once Spencer sits back down beside you, half of his body is touching yours. His couch wasn’t necessarily built for four people but everyone squished into it. You could basically feel Reid’s breath on the back of your neck, it gave you goosebumps and you leaned into him more without even thinking about it. </p>
<p>As it got later in the night, the few glasses of wine turned into a handful of glasses of wine. You could feel yourself relax even more against Reid. This group of people really made you feel comfortable, maybe it was the fact that two of them were agents and the other was someone who spoke in code like you, you just knew you could relax and not worry about looking behind your shoulder. </p>
<p>Slowly, Garcia and Morgan said their goodbyes, hugs, and smiles exchanged with leftover pizzas. Even though you didn’t feel all that drunk, your movements would show you otherwise. Getting off the couch was a whole thing. Walking to the bathroom was another. Reid ended up helping you to the bathroom to brush your teeth and get ready for bed.</p>
<p>It was sweet, he sat you down on the edge of the tub and sat with you while both of you brushed. You would sneak glances at him and watch as he would look down at you before you averted your eyes. </p>
<p>He helped you into <em>his</em> bed because you claimed yours was “too far away," and that my legs would probably fall off, in which he replies a pretty interesting fact,</p>
<p>“Well there are four muscles just in your leg and they’re connected to your bones by tendons, so unless your entire bone falls off or it gets cut off, I don’t think they'll fall off.”</p>
<p>Although he thoroughly explains that your leg won’t fall off, you continue to press that it feels like they will be if you walked all the way to your room. He gives you a soft smile as he tucks you into his bed, and as soon as he turns to leave the room, your hand catches his. </p>
<p>"Stay?" You whisper, lifting up the other side of the blanket. Reid hesitates before getting into bed as well. It's quiet for a while and the gap between you and him seems like a canyon, sheets folded onto itself and imitating a mountain range and after a while, you roll over to face him. His eyes are shut and you can hear his quiet breathing, but you just know he's not asleep just yet. </p>
<p>"Cole" you whisper, breaking the silence finally, and Reid stirs a little, turning his head towards your voice and opening his eyes to look over at you. </p>
<p>"My biological father. He called me asking for money."</p>
<p>Reid feels like the silence in between your words is deafening, too long of a pause for a story that seems to have no end, but he stays quiet only rolling over to face you. The gap between you and him gets smaller and you can see the slight stubble growing on his face. It's cute and you just want to feel it under your hand, but you hold back and rub your cheek against the pillow under your head.</p>
<p>"I said I didn't have enough money but he came over anyway,"</p>
<p>You watch as Reid does his nose wrinkle and it's terribly endearing. He says it's from wearing his glasses and had subconsciously started doing it even when he wasn't wearing them but you don't believe him, he probably knew that it was endearing and continued to do it.</p>
<p>"My grandad is the one who raised me so I don't think of Cole as a father-figure... but somehow he found out that I started working and kept hounding me for money, and uh, for a while I gave him the money to get him to leave but then dad- my um granddad, needed more help so I got him a caretaker and that's already a lot of money," you say quietly, your voice trailing off at the end of your sentence. You seriously think of just shrugging it off and telling Spencer to forget it, but one look at him laying there listening to your every word as if it was your last keeps you going.</p>
<p>"I don't have the money and he got angry and Cole has a past of getting violent... so, yeah..." For a moment you think you've overshared and you squeeze your eyes shut hard enough that you begin to see dots, but what after seems like a lifetime, you hear Spencer's voice.</p>
<p>"Thank you for telling me... I'll... I'll make sure Cole doesn't find you. You can stay here... this could be your home if you want... you don't have to go back. You're safe here Y/N,"</p>
<p>Maybe you've been waiting for someone to reassure you that you're okay, or maybe you've been waiting for someone who chose you despite your family drama and your imperfections and say that you're welcome in their space and mean it.</p>
<p>Either way, the words you hear are like a prayer finally being answered, a drink after trekking across the desert. The moment you hear the words the tears you've held back come flooding out. Years and years of tears caused by painful memories that plagued your life.</p>
<p>Reid closes the distance between you and his arms around you the instant he hears you choking down a sob. He holds you in his arms, his hand slowly rubbing your back as you hiccup and sob into his shirt. A warm embrace in a warm bed in a house that felt like home. </p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I forgot to update yesterday because I had a wicked migraine and didn't edit my chapter!!<br/>But now, I finished editing it and it's good enough lol.<br/>Also, I'm gonna try to keep a schedule when it comes to updating probably Monday/Thursday!</p><p>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The headache the morning after is something you never wanted. Sure the wine let you be vulnerable and finally tell Reid what had happened, but was it worth the wine hangover? No.</p><p>Luckily, the windows in Reid's room had curtains and stopped the morning sun from shining right into your eyes. It takes you a while to really wake up and by the time you're ready to face the reality that you slept in Reid's bed with him in it, the door cracks open a tiny bit and a little puppet pokes its head in. For a minute you think you must be extremely drunk still but you blink your eyes a few times before the puppet's hand pops out and waves at you. </p><p>"I would like to announce that a wonderful breakfast is served and the doof of a man that calls itself Spencer has made it just the way you like it." </p><p>You can't help but crack a smile and roll out of bed. "I'm on my way, please tell Reid that I appreciate the breakfast." </p><p>The puppet disappears as you pick up a sweater from a clean laundry basket that Reid has yet to fold and put away. Once the sweater's on you make your way out to the kitchen, the smell of pancakes and eggs fill the air. The puppet in question that called you out of the bedroom sits abandoned on a chair and the sight of Reid at the counter, placing a few pancakes onto a plate makes your heart soar. </p><p>You slide onto the stool by the counter and Reid serves you your share of breakfast with a big smile. It's endearing watching him walk around in the kitchen, making sure his eggs don't burn but also checking on the coffee brewing. By the time you notice you've been staring at him, Reid asks, "Is everything okay with breakfast?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah sorry... yeah everything's great, sorry, I'm kinda hungover."</p><p>Reid gives you a smile of pitty before pouring you a cup of coffee just the way you like. While you both enjoy your breakfast, Reid finally speaks up about last night.</p><p>For a moment you think he's going to ask you to move out and find a different place to live but instead, he asks you if he can tell Garcia to track Cole's movements. </p><p>"I just think it... it would give you some peace of mind along with me," he says as he pokes his fork into the yolk of his egg. Having Garcia track his movements on a computer that was made for keeping track of people was a pretty smart idea.</p><p>You've thought about it before after one night where Cole came barging into your apartment reeking of booze and cheap cigarettes but you knew your laptop couldn't handle running the program the entire time if you were going to work on freelancing. </p><p>At the time, it didn't seem like a viable thing, but now. Now that you knew Garcia and Spencer and Morgan and the rest of the BAU. It was a thing you could have now and it gave you hope on living more freely. </p><p>"Yeah, that's a good idea," you say smiling softly at Reid as his face lights up in a big smile. </p><p> </p><p>It's been a few weeks since Garcia had started tracking Cole's movements. In between that time, Spencer went back to work on a case while Hotch asked you to work from home rather than coming into the office since Garcia would also be busy on the case.</p><p>While you worked on the digitalizing software, you realized this was really the first time you were alone in Reid's place. It really gave you time to take in the apartment. After working a full workday on the kitchen table, you finally decided to look around to get used to where everything goes.</p><p>Spencer said he had no real way of organizing his books, but you could tell that was a lie after watching him putting away a few books left out. So you took time going through the shelves and shelves of books finding that he had been putting books away with the dewy decimal system. You were a bit hesitant to put your books onto the shelves, thinking you would be messing up his system so you decided to just call him later and ask him if you could. </p><p>Tidying up the apartment was easy, things had their places and usually, Reid was really good at putting them back in their places when he was done using it. You took your time opening kitchen drawers and looking at how things were organized and took stock of the things needed in the kitchen.</p><p>Making a list, you write down some basic necessities and a few things that would make it easier to organize and grabbed everything you needed before heading out the door.</p><p>Being able to go out without constantly looking behind you for Cole was so nice. The absolute freedom you felt was incomparable to anything you’ve felt in your life. Realizing this gave you a new outlook in life and it felt like so many doors have opened for you.</p><p>The cab ride to the store was uneventful, you watched as cars drove past the cab and once you're in the store you quickly map out all the places you needed to go.</p><p>Although you planned your trip out, you found yourself stuck in the snack aisle looking at all the things you could get but unsure about getting just in case Reid didn't like it. The shrill sound of your phone going off in your pocket interrupted your thoughts and you check the caller ID before answering.</p><p>"Hey, Reid."</p><p>"Y/N! Hey, sorry. Am I calling at a bad time?" you hear. It sounded like he was walking away from some crowd. Maybe he's on the way back to his hotel room, or maybe he's going to do another all-nighter. </p><p>"Oh, no. I'm just at the store. What's up?"</p><p>You could faintly hear Morgan in the background yelling at Spencer to tell you that he says hello and it makes you smile, you bring the phone closer to your ear and tuck yourself into an aisle that no one really went down. </p><p>"Morgan says hello, anyway. I just.. I just wanted to know if you're doing okay by yourself in the apartment." You can hear the concern in his voice, and you can imagine him hiding away, like you, speaking into his phone as if he were telling it a secret. </p><p>"I'm okay Reid, promise. Thanks again for letting me stay."</p><p>“Are you sure? I mean, uh... I mean are you really okay? I know I was supposed to go back to work a little later, but Hotch called and he asked if I could come in earlier,” </p><p>“Yes Reid, I am perfectly fine. Garcia’s tracking Cole and... I feel, I feel a lot better about this side of town,” you say. </p><p>Even though you can imagine Spencer tucked away somewhere private while he called you, the sound of his name being called from the background reminds you that he was out doing his job and you were bothering him chatting. </p><p>"Sounds like someone's trying to get your attention" you joke. You can hear Reid laugh and it makes you smile, "Before you go, my books? Do you think I can put it on the shelves?"</p><p>"Of course you can Y/N, it's your home now too- I gotta go though, Morgan's been trying to get my attention. He can be very needy when he isn't flirting with Garcia."</p><p>It's your turn to laugh now and you look a bit silly standing in the middle of the box hair dye aisle laughing. "Okay, okay. Be safe," you reply.</p><p>"Always, I'll see you in a few days."</p><p> </p><p>As you check out, you notice that it's such a nice day out. Grabbing your bags, you make the decision to walk home instead of taking a cab. Sure it would take longer, but the feeling of the sun on your face was so nice. On the way back to the apartment, you notice a table set up with a few plants for sale. It isn't until you begin looking at them you realize that Spencer had called his apartment your home.</p><p>The realization makes you blush. Even if Spencer didn't know how it made you feel, you wanted to commemorate the feeling of having a home by purchasing a plant. Something alive. Something that grows along with you. Something that reminds you that it's okay to lean on others sometimes just like how plants sometimes rely on people to grow. </p><p>By the time you get <em>home,</em> you're all smiles. Spencer had given you a key a while ago, but this would be the first time you'd actually be opening the door for yourself. As you balance the plant in your arms along with the groceries, you put the key in the hole and twist it.</p><p>For a second you doubt that it's the right key, maybe he had given you a fake key all along and the second you left the apartment you wouldn't be able to get back in. But you turn the knob anyway and quietly thank Spencer as the door pushes open. </p><p>After you placed the groceries on the counter, the first thing you did was place the new plant on top of a little end table by the window. It just seemed like the right place. There wasn't anything there previously and the end table just looked a little off standing by itself. A little friend for the table, you thought.</p><p>The next thing you put on the table was the little puppet that Spencer used to announce breakfast. Propping it up and tucking it right next to the plant was something you never thought you'd be doing, but here you are with a smile on your face as you adjust the puppet.</p><p> </p><p>It isn't until a few days later Spencer gets home. It was late at night and you couldn't really fall asleep. Sure, things were a lot better but you still had a really hard time falling asleep at night too afraid that when you wake up, everything would have been a dream and you were back in your old apartment. </p><p>Laying down on the couch was one of the places that you were able to get at least a few hours of sleep. Your bed was just a little too nice, and going from a ratty old bed to a practically new one was an adjustment your body was having trouble with.</p><p>As you were drifting in and out of sleep, the rattling of the door woke you up. The sound was terrifying honestly, you would always associate the sound with Cole trying to open the door, so you freaked out a little bit and sat up just in case you needed to bolt.</p><p>It isn't until the door swings open and a haggard-looking Reid comes into view. His hair disheveled even more than normal and tie loosened. It must have been a difficult case. </p><p>Spencer notices you right away, "Hey, what are you doing still up? It's like three in the morning," he says, placing his bag onto the counter.</p><p>"Couldn't sleep"</p><p>Reid nods a bit before plopping down next to you and resting his head against the back of the couch, "Wanna hang out?"</p><p>It was ridiculous. Spencer coming home from a case and clearly looking like he could use a good night's sleep but instead asking you if you wanted to hang out. These were things that you could only imagine from a romance novel or something.</p><p>"It looks like you'd fall asleep right now Spencer."</p><p>The sound of his first name from your lips is something that Spencer never thought he'd hear. You'd only usually call him Reid and he was okay with that, but this, this was new.</p><p>"I don't mind, tell me what you did while I was gone,"</p><p>It was a slow start honestly. You weren't quite sure what to tell him, but after a while, you began telling him about what you did. Telling him about how you bought groceries. How you put your books up on the shelves. How you bought a plant and then named Snooter. Somehow between the talking, your eyes grew heavy, and as you were telling Spencer about how Garcia had snuck in a little message of hello in code for you and about the things you've been up to in work. While talking about what happened your voice slowly trails off and eventually, you find yourself asleep.</p><p>Sun shining into your eyes was something you've grown accustomed to since you began sleeping on the couch. The living room had curtains, but they were always wide open to let in as much sunlight as possible and you kept it like that. The most unfamiliar thing was the weight on your stomach. Did you fall asleep reading a heavy book? You try to sit up to remove the thing on you but you find yourself tangled up by not only a blanket but also a human. </p><p>The human in talk of was the one and only Spencer Reid. Right then and there, you remember last night and how you talked his ear off about what you did and then promptly pass out. The poor guy probably got pinned down by you and he had to endure sleeping out on the couch instead of his bed. You felt really bad about it. It really looked like he could have gotten a good night's sleep from how he looked last night. </p><p>You didn't want to interrupt his sleep so you return to your original position. You watch as dust particles float around in the sunlight, watching as they dance around each other gracefully. Your hand finds its way to Reid's hair, your fingers slowly carding through the tufts of hair. As rowdy it looked, his hair was surprisingly soft. You're thankful that you messing around with his hair didn't wake him up, how would you even explain this to him, "Sorry, your hair is just so soft to touch so I did it while you were sleeping"? No that would be extremely creepy. </p><p>Laying here with him on top of you was something you never thought you'd enjoy. It was nice, relaxing even. The comforting weight of him on top of you and the feeling of him breathing became an aid to you. It made you sleepy, and while you're in and out of sleep, you would check on Reid. He still seems very much asleep and you didn't dare to move and interrupt his slumber.</p><p>The sun slowly made its way across the sky and yet Spencer slept. Throughout the time he'd shifted in his sleep four times, but some part of his body touched yours. Legs slotted in between yours with his head on your stomach. Head pressed against your neck as he moved onto his side while his back was pressed against the back of the couch. Arms wrapped around you with his chin on top of your head. And the final position, after Reid rolled partially on top of you, his arm under your head and nose pressed against your neck.</p><p>Around three is when Reid slowly to wake up. His nose slowly ran up and down your neck, his breath tickling your skin. You stay still, smiling softly as Reid sighed and snuggled in closer. He'd probably apologize when he realizes that he's pinning you down and get all flustered, you stay quiet though as he slowly regains consciousness. </p><p>Maybe it's the way the sunlight shone through the windows and onto the couch, but the sight of a sleepy Spencer Reid made your heart seize.  Fluffy bed head and sleepy eyes, an indent in his cheek from the couch. You can't help but smile. </p><p>"Well good morning bub," you whisper.</p><p>Spencer takes a while to respond, still a little out of it.  When he finally realizes that he's pinning you down, he's scrambling off of you, basically falling off the couch. "I-I'm so sorry, oh my god."</p><p>"Reid, it's okay. Best sleep I've had for a while. Don't worry about it." You explain, sitting up a bit and resting your weight on your elbow. Reid's still on the floor and it feels a bit weird so to make it less weird, you get up from the couch and lay right next to him. Limbs spread out, your arm and leg laying on top of Reid's back. It just felt nice being so close to him for some reason. You silently hoped that he wouldn't get weirded out from it, but he didn't. Instead, he rolls over onto his back and follows your lead. His arm on laying on top of your neck and his leg under yours.</p><p>"Was the case long?" You ask. </p><p>Reid sighs before turning his head to look at you. His eyes following the curve of your nose and admiring the way the sun backlit your profile and smiling a bit before clearing his throat and replying, "Yeah, but I'm okay now."</p><p>The two of you lay there in quiet for a while, staring up at the ceiling together, "We should get glow in the dark stars to put on the ceiling" you whisper. It felt childish to be even bringing up a thing like glow in the dark stars, but it just felt right in a way. "It'll make staring up at the ceiling a lot more fun." You say.</p><p>"Only if we make a scale model of all the constellations." </p><p>"How many constellations are there?"</p><p>"Eighty-eight."</p><p>Reid's a bit worried about how quickly he answered that. People tend to tell him that his genius was intimidating, that sometimes he should just not answer. He expected you to laugh at him or maybe go as far as to call him weird for knowing that. He knew you weren't like that, but there was always an underlying fear.</p><p>"I think... we're gonna have to extend the stars throughout our bedrooms if we're going to do all eighty-eight."</p><p>Spencer releases the breath he didn't know he was holding and laughs. </p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Monday!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Returning to work was good. The owner of the cafe gave you a warm welcome upon your return, a warm smile, and an even warmer cup of tea. It was business as usual. Working in the mornings at the cafe and working at the BAU in the afternoons. The only change really was you went home with Spencer. </p><p>You would wake up earlier than him, quietly sneak through his room to brush your teeth, make breakfast for both of you, and then Spencer would wake up and the two of you would eat and you'd take off while he got ready for work. Then after work, you'd either walk home together or do errands together and just hang out for the rest of the night. A routine you never thought you'd have in your life. </p><p>Reid stayed true to his word when he said he wanted eighty-eight constellations on the ceiling. One afternoon, Reid comes bursting through the door, a little out of breath, and waving around what seemed like an industrial bag of something. </p><p>"Look!" He yells as he shakes around the bag before placing it onto the counter and ripping them open. The one afternoon you don't go shopping with him for groceries, and he returns with this instead of food. His hands are cupping light green stars and the look on his face was too endearing to really be angry with him. </p><p>You get up from lounging on the couch and walk over getting a better look at the size of the bag. You had thought that Reid had forgotten that conversation ever happened, well more like hoped that Reid's sleepy brain just imagined that conversation, but you knew better. </p><p>"Spencer, what about food?" you ask as your hand dips into the bag and grabs a handful of stars. </p><p>"We'll order out tonight, look!" He says excitedly as he peals the back of a star and sticking it to his tie. The look of pure joy on his face is contagious and you can't help but smile as well. The rest of the evening was spent on a rickety ladder and following Spencer's instructions about where to stick the stars. He even got so into the stars he created a little constellation map in one of his journals and would refer to it every so often to make sure the stars were going in the right places. It was a system, Spencer pealing the glossy backing on the stars and you sticking them onto the ceiling. </p><p>When the living room and the kitchen ceiling was absolutely covered in green plastic stars the two of you lay on the living room rug sharing a pizza and admiring all the hard work.</p><p>"Where did you even get that many stars?" You ask, taking a bite of your slice.</p><p>"Local toy store, I asked them the day after you brought it up to order a lot of stars."</p><p>Spencer remembering such a little thing, an insignificant joke, was something you'd have to get used to now. It made your heart feel tight knowing that from now on Spencer would remember all the little details you talk about even having it take up even a tiny portion of his memory. </p><p>It took some while to fully cover the total expanse of the apartment ceiling with stars and constellations, but after it was done, every time you'd look up at it your heart would skip a beat. </p><p> </p><p>Finishing the digitalizing of case files was a feat of itself. Garcia and you would get so close to finishing the program but coming up with a better way to do things, but in the end, the program ran so smoothly. Garcia had the pleasure of announcing the completion while you stood back and watched as the team congratulated you two and that was the end of that project. Garcia kept you updated on what was happening at the BAU while you were gone. She explained that implementing the new system was easier said than done. Well more like, everyone was okay going paperless except Spencer.</p><p>It made you laugh and suggested that Garcia should just let him have his old paper ways and take what you can get with him.</p><p>Being away from the office was weird after spending almost the majority of your afternoons there. It was weird for Garcia as well it seemed. Whenever she had the free time she would call you up and chat about anything that came into her mind. It got to the point where even Morgan was feeling neglected by her. </p><p>One afternoon, Garcia calls you as you were putting in a load of laundry with an exciting proposal, or at least that's what she claims.</p><p>"Y/N! Fantastic news!" She says. You could just imagine her spinning around in her chair and a big smile on her face, "Girls night! You, me Prentiss and JJ! We were going to cancel and reschedule for another night because JJ forgot to get a sitter, but Reid offered! Sooo, us girls at the bar downtown!"</p><p>"I don't know Penn, I just put a load of laundry in the wash..." It wasn't like you enjoyed their company, it's just. Bars and crowds weren't much your scene. That and even though you had become good friends with Penelope, Prentiss, and JJ were just your acquaintances right now. </p><p>"Please Y/N! For me? It'll be fun!" Garcia says, and you just can't say no. Reluctantly you agree and she tells you she'll be picking you up and dropping off the kids with Reid at seven. Waiting for seven o'clock felt like a lifetime. Mentally preparing for the crowd and the loud noises made you unaware of the door opening and closing. </p><p>"Hey," Reid calls out as he places his bag onto the counter, "Girls night huh?" </p><p>"Oh, yeah. Not really my scene, but Garcia really wanted me to go," you answer as you stand up.</p><p>You got dressed up a bit, it felt like the type of night that didn't call for one of your jackets and jeans. More a type of outfit that hugged you, tighter shirt, tighter skirt type of situation. When you look over at Reid, he's standing there dumbstricken just as he sets his bag down. It made you feel self-conscious. </p><p>"Does it look bad? I should change." You quick say scurrying off back to your room until Reid's hand catches your wrist. </p><p>"No, uh. No. It looks good."</p><p>Reid's eyes slowly go up and down your body, following the curve of your hips and tracing your collarbone with his eyes before he snaps out of it, blushing red, and letting go of your wrist. "It looks really good," he says after clearing his throat and smiling. </p><p>The knock on the door is what really separates the both of you. Reid quickly at the door and opening it for JJ and her kids Henry and Michael. </p><p>The handoff was easy, you say a quick hello to the kids, one of them, which you learn is Henry, says hello before running into the apartment, and Michael who was attached to JJ's hip just stares at you before Spencer smiles and grabs the toddler. </p><p>"Thanks for doing this Spence, I'd have you at our house, but Henry really wanted to come here, I hope you don't mind," JJ says, watching Henry as he reaches the living room.</p><p>"I don't mind at all," Spencer replies as he takes the baby bag in his other arm, "I hope you guys have fun."</p><p>You smile at the sight of Spencer with a kid, it seemed natural. You wonder if he had always been a natural, probably not. You could imagine him freaking out about the proper way to carry a baby and teaching everyone how to do it, but when it came down to actually holding a baby himself, he would have absolutely panicked. </p><p>"Well be back in a few hours, see you later you guys," JJ says excitedly as she grabs your arm and waves back at the kids and Spencer who was left at the threshold. </p><p> </p><p>Spencer's babysat before, of course he has. He was Henry's godparent after all. But he's never really babysat without someone else or even for a long while. He wasn't quite sure what to do really since they weren't at JJ's house where there were multiple ways to tire out the kids.</p><p>Here, there were only really books and stacks of paper. Some movies too, but he doubts that the kids would want to watch an old film of his. He could do some magic tricks for them, but he had a feeling that they would grow tired of it eventually, but it was better than nothing.</p><p>Spencer sets up a small theater for them. Henry and Michael wanted to be a part of the construction so they had the executive job of doodling on the board with washable markers and the leftover glow in the dark stars. The magic show lasted a lot longer than he thought it would. Henry was a lot interested in how he did it and Spencer spent quite a long time helping him do simple magic tricks.</p><p>After a while, he notices the look on Michael's face and made Spencer realize that it was nearly time for bed. JJ had said they would be back before bedtime, or at least a little after but it was nearing eight-thirty. </p><p>Luckily, the baby bag contained pajamas and everything needed for bed. Spencer was unsure how to bathe both boys simultaneously, he's read many articles about babies and kids drowning without proper supervision when it came to baths, and well, he didn't want to risk it. He bathed Michael first, having Henry lead the bath, telling Spencer what his mom does.</p><p>Most of the information that Henry gave was helpful, but he also tried to include some things Spencer knew JJ would never do. For example, Henry said that if Michael smiles while getting his hair washed, bedtime would be pushed back an hour.</p><p>Getting Michael to bed was pretty straightforward, a bottle of milk and a few backrubs had the kid out like a light. Henry on the other hand was a different experience. The excitement of being a new place and trying to get him to sleep was tough. He wasn't quite sure how JJ did it.</p><p>Eventually, he did fall asleep. Although it took having Henry lay on him as they sat on the couch. It was way past ten by the time he knocked out, and Spencer couldn't really get anything done with Henry asleep in his arms and Michael asleep in his bed. He debated on getting up and putting Henry in bed next to his brother but he was worried that Henry would wake up and he didn't really want to deal with putting him to sleep again. </p><p>The sound of keys jingling gave him hope that JJ was back to get the boys and let Spencer stretch his arms out. But instead of JJ and you, it was just you.</p><p>The sight of Spencer and Henry on the couch was something you didn't expect to see at this hour. Upon closer inspection, you realize that Henry was asleep and you were thankful that Spencer was able to get him to sleep.</p><p>"It's not like I'm not excited that you're home, but uh... No JJ?" Spencer whispers as you take off your heels at the door and quietly pad over to the two.</p><p>"Unfortunately no, they're on a warpath tonight Spencer. Looks like we're both babysitting for a while." You carefully move a few of Spencer's magic props from off the couch and sit next to him, sighing happily and resting your head on the back of the couch. "I enjoy their company, but bar hopping is not my speed." You whisper. </p><p>Spencer smiles and follows your lead, resting his head back down and nodding a bit, quietly answering, "Yeah, me neither. I'd rather go to a movie or a museum." </p><p>The both of you are quiet for a while, you could hear Henry's quiet snores and you glance over at the two. It looked <em>really</em> natural for Spencer. You briefly wonder how Spencer would be as a dad, if he ever wanted kids, if he could do both his job and raise a family. You're stuck in your thoughts for a while, before Spencer turns his head and looks at you.</p><p>"What's wrong?" He asks.</p><p>"How do you know somethings wrong?"</p><p>"You get this crease in between your eyebrows when you're thinking about something difficult,"</p><p>Just knowing that Spencer knew about the little mannerism you had made your stomach flip, "Are you profiling me, Spencer Reid?"</p><p>Reid just shrugs a bit causing Henry to shift in his sleep and the two of you freeze, holding your breaths hoping that he doesn't wake up. When the coast is clear, Spencer laughs a bit and shakes his head, "Not profiling, I just noticed it."</p><p>You sit there with red cheeks hoping that Spencer didn't look over at you. You're glad you drank enough to get drunk and if needed, blame the blush on your cheeks on it.  Another good thing about being this drunk was getting enough for the courage to lean against Spencer and lay your head on his shoulder. "Thank you for noticing." Spencer could feel his heart skip a beat from the small contact.</p><p>Sitting on the couch was honestly tiring, especially while holding a sleeping child, but the moment your head touched his shoulder, he got a second wind. He carefully shifts a bit, a little more comfortable with moving Henry now that he probably entered deep sleep and wrapping his now free arm around you. Reid never thought he could have this. A family.</p><p>When working in the FBI, the likelihood of having a functioning relationship was extremely low. Then double that extremely low odds when starting a family. Partners just had to understand that the job came before personal relationships sometimes and a lot of relationships are doomed from the beginning when they don't understand that. A lot of the members of the BAU were married to their jobs and there were only a few rare cases, like JJ, where they make it work.</p><p>This causes the evolution of members of the BAU acting as interim family members, and as much as Spencer loves them all, it didn't stop the fact that he wanted something like what JJ has.</p><p>A family to come home to. Someone waiting for him when he comes home and kids running around and the unconditional love that comes from it. He wanted that. Someone to curl up with on the couch. Someone to start a family with. Someone that makes it worth getting up in the morning and working in a grim profession. Honestly, if he met the right person, and they asked him to leave the job, he'd probably do it, just to have something like that.</p><p>"I think I have a section of my brain that just has information about you now," He whispers, resting his chin on the top of your head, "A permanent place in my brain Y/N."</p><p>People often say that love at first sight was plausible, but Reid knew it was a hoax. Or at least he thought its a hoax, he couldn't really speak about other people's experiences. Reid didn't really believe in falling in love in general really. It just wasn't something he thought about. He thought about facts, things he can compartmentalize and put into boxes in his mind. Love was not something he could easily grasp and put into a single box. Sure he loved his team, his friends, his family, but it wasn't the same as romantic love.</p><p>But right now, with you curled up next to him and the moonlight shining through the windows, casting shadows onto your cheeks and a soft smile on your lips, he thought that maybe, just maybe it was plausible. </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not me taking things that happened when I shifted into my dr and writing about it.</p><p>Enjoy!</p><p>Also Happy Halloween!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Transferring Henry to bed was easy now that he was fully asleep. Now he had to carry you to bed, it wouldn’t be fair for Henry to get carried and have you walk. In one swift movement, Spencer hooks his arm under your legs and around your back and lifts you. He smiles when he realizes that you snuggle in closer and hold back a smile. </p><p>“Are you awake?” He whispers, slowly making his way down to your bedroom.</p><p>It’s probably the alcohol talking, you knew if this happened while sober you’d be trying to get out of Spencer’s hold. </p><p>“No, I’m very much asleep,” you whisper back, and for good measure, you imitate snoring. </p><p>This only makes Spencer laugh, and you can feel the vibrations of it on your cheek. You could hear his heart beating steadily, just like a metronome. It was comforting. Something you can definitely see yourself falling asleep to. The walk was short and you wished it were longer just so you can hear the steady rhythm of his heart for a little bit longer.</p><p>He carefully sets you down in bed and tucks you in. The next part happened so quickly that you weren't quite sure if it was real or if you just imagined it. Spencer smooths down the blanket and smiles, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. </p><p>"Good night Y/N," he whispers as he pulls away and the next thing you knew, the door to your bedroom shuts.</p><p>It must be the alcohol in your system. There was no way that Reid kissed your forehead. Your hand slowly reaches up and your fingers gently touch the area that Reid's lips touched.</p><p>On the other side of the door, Reid was having a bit of a crisis. He couldn't believe he did that without even realizing it. One moment he' tucking you in and the next was his lips on your skin. He silently wished that you asked for him to stay for the night and before he even knew it, he was kissing your temple.</p><p>Hopefully, you didn't bring it up in the morning, it wasn't a really good conversation with two kids in the vicinity. Spencer didn't want anything to be weird between the both you, so hopefully, this thing gets resolved quickly so things could go back to normal or at least pretend that everything was okay.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Spencer didn't get a wink of sleep. He kept a close ear for the kids as he sat on the couch reading a few books. He realized he had been reading the same sentence over and over again and gave up and tried to sleep, but his brain kept repeating what happened. The soft look you had when he laid your head on the pillow. The way he thought it was cute that you pretended to be asleep just so you wouldn't have to walk to bed. The way the corner of your lips were upturned in a smirk when he laid you down. He was lucky that he didn't end up kissing that smirk right off your face. </p><p>Kisses weren't something that interested Spencer all that much honestly. There were a few instances in the past where he was curious about how it would feel but after the years and a few short-lived relationships, it wasn't all that interesting to him anymore. But now, it was different. There was just something so intimate when he kissed your temple. It made his stomach flip and his heart race, something he didn't experience before you. He wanted to try it again to see if that reaction was still the same but he was unsure about how to approach the subject.</p><p>Breakfast was an event. The kids were up the moment the sun rose and Spencer up with them, well, he didn't sleep at all last night, but that wasn't the point. Spencer made breakfast for everyone and the kids quietly watched the morning cartoons on the television as you lay in bed with a hangover. The smell of bacon enticed you to finally crawl out of bed and face the situation of last night. Quickly donning an oversized t-shirt on top of yesterday's clothes, you leave your room.</p><p>"Good morning sleepyhead," you hear as you stumble out of your bedroom. Spencer was still dressed in yesterday's clothes as well, which meant he probably didn't get any sleep last night, and an apron on top of his clothes means there was food. </p><p>"Morning bub," you mumble before smiling and sliding onto the counter. You watch as Spencer flips a piece of bacon and you swing your legs back and forth. The sound of sizzling and the dull sound of whatever the kids were watching in the living room were virtually the only things you could focus on. Would now be a good time to talk about what happened last night? Or would Spencer just brush it off? </p><p>Your thoughts were interrupted when a piece of bacon enters your sight. "Thanks," you say as you grab the bacon and take a bite from it, "You think we should give the kids some?" You joke, and Spencer smiles. </p><p>"They wanted smiley-faced breakfast so it'll take a while" </p><p>"And I don't deserve a smiley-faced breakfast?"</p><p>The sight of Reid wearing an apron and slaving away at the stove was something you didn't see often, but it was a sight. He didn't really cook much, he mostly relied on take-out and premade meals that he would pick up before and after work. So seeing him standing at the stove with your apron on was something else. It made it feel like you were playing house really. It was a domestic sight to behold.</p><p>"I'll make you a smiley-faced breakfast as well, don't worry," he says as he walks closer and hesitantly presses another kiss onto your forehead.</p><p>So it wasn't a thing you imagined last night. It was a real thing. Spencer really did kiss your forehead last night and he was doing it again. At once glance, you could instantly tell that Reid was nervous. He had enough courage to do it again, so that must mean he enjoyed it to some extent. You were just staring at him and making him even more uncomfortable about it. </p><p>Reid felt like he messed up. He just couldn't help himself. The sight of you on the kitchen counter, swinging your legs back and forth just did something to him. His body moved before he even realized what he was doing just like last night.</p><p>The awkward silence was not doing anything good for Reid's self-confidence and you realize that after you've been staring at him for the past few minutes.</p><p>"So, I wasn't imaging that last night," you say quietly before taking another bite from the bacon in your hand, "I thought I was way drunker than I thought and just... imagined that it happened"</p><p>Spencer still looks like he's holding his breath and he immediately turns his back to you to get the bacon off the stove. "Sorry, I didn't know what I was doing."</p><p>This was something you expected Spencer to say, but how could you tell him that you were okay with it. It was nice. Reassuring even. Tell him that it was okay and you liked the kisses. You wish you were still a little bit drunk, just enough to get the courage to tell him. It was now or never, if you didn't say it now, Spencer would stop and there would be no more touches like that.</p><p>"S-Spencer?" You say hesitantly. You wait for him to turn around like he usually does when you talk to him. Whenever you said anything, Spencer would turn all his attention on you, turn his entire body to face yours to say that he's listening. But not this time. His back still faced you as he worked on breakfast. </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>You're finally able to spit it out. Tell him about the kisses, "I don't... I don't mind the kisses. They're nice, I enjoyed it."</p><p>Spencer halts his movements right as he's checking the eggs to keep them from burning. He stands there a while, dumbstruck that he heard that. Is his mind playing tricks on him? He had to make sure. "W-What? Can you repeat that?" he whispers, finally turning to face you.</p><p>"The kisses... uh... I don't mind them. They're nice..."</p><p>A nervous smile breaks out on Spencer's face and his cheeks turn pink. The two of you smile at each other and it feels like time stops. Stuck in a little bubble of your own where the only thing that mattered was the two of you. But while the two of you are in a trance, the two kids begin screaming as the fire alarm goes off.</p><p>"S-Shoot!" Spencer says turning around and removing the pan of eggs off the fire. You're immediately off the counter, rushing towards the two screaming children and shielding them from the smoke as best as possible. While Spencer fans away the smoke from the alarm, you make sure the kids are okay, smiling kindly to reassure them that everything fine and that there was no danger. Eventually, the alarm stops but the apartment is still pretty smoke-filled so the kids make it a little game and help Spencer fan the smoke out the opened windows. </p><p>While the boys are busy with that, you begin on breakfast again. Luckily, only the eggs were ruined and you could easily whip that out as quickly as possible. As you plate the food into smiley-faces, the kids take their seats at the table, along with Reid. As you place a plate in front of the boys you leave Reid for last. This time, it's you who's initiating contact, see how far Reid was willing to go. As you pull away from putting the plate in front of Reid, you hesitate and press a soft kiss to his temple before walking back to the kitchen to grab your own food to hide the growing blush on your cheeks. </p><p>The boys "Ooooh" at Reid who sat still with red cheeks unable to move or utter a single word. </p><p> </p><p>Breakfast was a success you think. The boys ate every last bite and were content with quietly drawing until Will came to pick them up. Apparently, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia were all out of commission until further notice. When you met up with the girls, Prentiss said that girls night was going to be one you'd forget, you weren't quite sure what that meant until now. They must have drunk the entire bar if it meant that they were still asleep at this hour.</p><p>After the goodbyes and sweet smiles of the kids who wanted to stay longer, Reid and you were all alone in the apartment again. At first, it was easy, Reid busy with cleaning up the mess in the kitchen and you cleaning up the drawings in the living room. You didn't throw out the drawings, they were just too cute so you hung them on the fridge. Reid notices and smiles, his arms deep in suds from washing dishes. </p><p>"Cute right?" you say, hopping back onto the counter a few spaces away from the sink looking at the crayon drawing of a little family. </p><p>"Yeah cute," he says. He isn't even looking at the drawing and you kick him a bit. He laughs, catching your ankle as you try to do it again. After he dries his hands and your ankle, it's his turn to test out this new thing.</p><p>He slots in between your legs and smiles nervously. He doesn't move for a while giving you time to tell him you didn't want it, but you say nothing and smile up at him. His hands are shaking a bit but he slides them on either side of you. His fingers are sprawled out on the granite and he seemed nervous but you don't rush him. At first, you think he'll actually kiss you. You can see his eyes glancing down at your lips and back up to your eyes as if he was asking for permission. He slowly leans in, his head turning to the right a bit and you think this is it, he's going to kiss you, and your eyes flutter shut. But at the last second his lips deviate and he gently presses a soft kiss to your cheek. </p><p>To say you were disappointed was an understatement. You wanted nothing but to kiss Spencer right then and there, but you didn't want to rush into it. Rushing into things typically ended up poorly for you and you felt like Spencer knew that. Maybe that's why he didn't kiss you. Maybe both of you weren't ready for anything more than this right now and honestly, it was nice.</p><p>Just from that, you can feel your skin tingling right where he kissed you. The soft smiles you share right after he pulls away are something else. Private smiles. An exciting new thing that neither of you knew about and was excited to be able to explore.</p><p>From then on, the kisses became more frequent. A kiss to the cheek or forehead before you left for work, a kiss when Reid came home, a kiss just because on the couch. It became a thing for the two of you.</p><p>When Spencer would realize you were too stuck on a programming problem, he'd press a kiss to the top of your head and you'd look away long enough from your screen to get a new point of view when you returned your focus on it. And when Spencer would come home with a tired look on his face, you'd kiss his cheek and he'd get a second wind and help you with dinner. When Spencer went away for a case, you'd welcome him home with a hug and a kiss to his cheek, when you pass by him reading on the couch you'd press a kiss to the top of his head. When you went to bed before him, Spencer would kiss your temple.</p><p>The kisses stopped at the office though, wanting to keep it professional there. Hotch would call you in a few times a week to help Garcia with whatever she needed and when Reid was able to, he'd have lunch with you. Sometimes you would go out to a cafe or restaurant and the days where Spencer needed to be in the office, he'd order take out for the both of you and eat in an empty conference room together.</p><p>While you were in the middle of helping Garcia with some programming the team gets called out to Waco, Texas in a rush. Watching them get ready to leave was incredible, it was watching a switch being flipped. You had no clue what the case was, you weren't cleared for that, but you just knew it was an urgent one. </p><p>When everyone is ready, you watch them pass by with smiles and a quick goodbye to you and Garcia. When Reid passes by he falters, lingering by the threshold. The rest of the team waits for him, but he stands there. </p><p>"Reid?" Prentiss says, "You coming?"</p><p>Reid turns around to face you and smiles nervously as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead before saying a quick, "See you soon,"</p><p>The team is dumbstruck as they watch the interaction between the two of you. Garcia's next to you, eyes wide as saucers and mouth open, Prentiss has a smirk on her face, JJ is thoroughly surprised her eyes wide with disbelief, Morgan has a smile on his face that just screamed "I knew it", Rossi didn’t seem phased and just whistled, and Hotch, well you couldn't figure out what he was feeling but you could see his lips turned up a bit in a smile.</p><p>They didn't know the extent of it. They probably made assumptions that the two of you <em>kissed </em>from the small display of affection, but in reality, it never got that far, not on the lips just yet. You liked it that way. Having spent time with a bunch of profilers who can pick up on the slightest mood change, it was difficult to keep things for yourself, and well, getting to keep this small thing a secret is something you really appreciated. They can assume all they want, but only you and Spencer knowing the truth was something that infinitely made you happy.</p><p>Hotch ends up clearing his throat and the two of you basically jump apart, Reid puts on his bag and gives you one last smile before he heads off and you call after him, "Be safe!" </p><p>He turns and waves at you, as he walks backward and calls out, "Always!" </p><p> </p><p>Not knowing how Spencer was doing was terrible. You had learned that the team was at a religious cult where the cult leader was holding hostages and that two FBI agents had gone undercover to try and deescalate the situation. You never really believed in a higher being, but right now, watching the news reports in the breakroom, you prayed that they were okay. </p><p>Garcia had been working overtime on the case, gathering as much information as she can to help with the case and you stuck around to help out, and being at the BAU meant that you would hear the information first instead of waiting by the television. Seeing you weren't allowed to touch any information during a case, you were just stuck sitting around for a while. During that time, you went on food runs for Garcia, tidied up her office, and slept in the breakroom, and desperately tried to keep yourself preoccupied.</p><p>In the next few days, it was radio silence from the team and a few news reports about the situation. You couldn't sleep much while you stayed at the BAU, there was just too much on your mind to even think about shutting your eyes. Around three in the morning, a news report plays on the breakroom television. An explosion is replayed over and over again during the report. Clear as day, behind the reporter, the church that held the hostages, and the two unnamed FBI agents go up in a cloud of smoke and fire.</p><p>Your ears tune out whatever the reporter is saying, watching as the building crumbles in the background, and immediately, you're running into Garcia's office.</p><p>"Please tell me they're all right!" You say, out of breath and panting.</p><p>The look on Garcia's face was one you didn't ever want to see, tears streaming down her face and makeup smudged. The newscast plays on one of her monitors and pages upon pages of information about the religious cult on the others. </p><p>"Y/N..." She whispers sorrily, she keeps talking trying to give you information about the situation but you don't hear anything she's saying. The way she said your name meant something bad happened. There was no going around the tone her voice held.</p><p>At this point, your heart crumbles, you can feel a sharp pain in your chest and you can't breathe. You had to see it for yourself. Had to be there to see with your own eyes that things were okay. "Garcia, a-a flight... a car, anything. Get me anything." </p><p>The moment the words left your mouth, Garcia's typing away at her computer to get you the fastest mode of transportation. You were grateful you had packed a go-bag while you stayed. You thought it was silly to be even doing that, but after watching Reid do it so many times and helping him sometimes, your bag became a go-bag as well by habit. You're quicky tossing your things into your bag when Garcia comes rushing into the breakroom with a plane ticket and hands it to you as you give her a quick goodbye and rush out the door.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Mondaayyy!<br/>I hope everyone has a great week!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The flight was about five hours. The longest five hours in your life. You couldn't stop fidgeting in your seat and looking out the window. The other passengers became warry by your actions and the flight attendant had to ask you to calm down a bit for the sake of the other passengers. You tried your best, but it just resulted in you chewing on your thumbnail and hunching over with so many scenarios playing out in your head. </p><p>When your flight lands, Garcia calls you immediately updating you on the situation. The team was all gathered at a hospital. Apparently, Prentiss was beaten, Morgan was getting checked, and Reid had to go into surgery. Hearing that Reid was in surgery panicked you and you asked the cab driver to step on it the moment you entered the cab.</p><p>When you rush into the waiting room, Morgan and JJ are the first to spot you. They must have thought you were crazy showing up out of the blue but the moment they see you, JJ has her arms around you. Maybe it was her motherly instincts kicking in and could obviously tell you were in distress, but nevertheless, the hug was comforting.</p><p>"Spencer's in surgery. There was shrapnel lodged into his side and they needed to get it out." </p><p>"I-Is he okay?"</p><p>"Doctors are confident that they'll he'll be okay" Morgan reassures you, placing his hand on top of your head and giving you a sad smile. </p><p>Just hearing that made you feel better. You weren't all that excited that he had gotten himself into enough danger where he had to get surgery, but it seemed like everything was fine. A breath you didn't know you were holding escaped your lips in a sigh and you slump into JJ's arms.</p><p>"And Prentiss?" you mumble,</p><p>"She got a few broken ribs and some bruising, but she's fine. She's getting checked right now just to make sure." </p><p>JJ sits with you in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs and it feels like you've been sitting there for hours. You watch as Morgan slowly paces back and forth and eventually, Hotch and Rossi make their appearance. </p><p>The moment you see them, you're up on your feet and stumbling over your words to explain why you're here but Hotch just gives you a small smile and ruffles your hair. "Garcia's already explained the situation, it's okay." He says and you nod. Rossi's the one that wraps you up in a hug with a quick kiss to each of your cheeks before patting your cheeks. "He'll be fine. He's strong"</p><p>If the situation wasn't like this, you'd probably poke fun at how Rossi sounded like an old Italian grandmother, but your mind is still preoccupied with the whole "Spencer's in surgery because he was in an explosion" thing.</p><p>The team says their greetings to each other and updates about the case, but you don't pay much attention to that. Your eyes are trained on the floor, tracing the lines in the flooring and the fluorescents bouncing off the while tiled floors makes your head hurt and it makes gives you the feeling of wanting to throw up. Although you've never been to hospitals very much, just being here made you uncomfortable. </p><p>Uncomfortable about knowing that people died in these walls. These walls have seen so much death and despair, hope, and love, so many emotions all wrapped up into a building. It made you overwhelmed just knowing that Spencer could be one of those cases. One of those cases that seemed good, but go south at the last moment. </p><p>"He'll be fine, don't worry about it," You hear. Your head snaps up and your eyes land on Prentiss all bandaged up with a soft smile on her face. Even though she looked like hell, she looked like she could still beat up everyone in the room with ease. A smile of courage on her face. For a second, it reassures you that everything was okay, but as soon as your mouth opens to ask her if she was okay the doctor walks out of the operating room. </p><p>"He lost a lot of blood and he got a few broken ribs, but he'll be fine. The surgery went well and you can see him after he gets transferred to his room, he may be a little out of it, but he's okay."</p><p>It felt like a giant weight off your shoulders when you heard the words come out of the doctor's mouth. The team is all smiles and JJ is hugging you, it seems like a blur honestly. A moment ago you were on the verge of crying, afraid of what would happen, but now you're being led to Spencer's hospital room. You falter at the door, scared to see Spencer laying helplessly on a hospital bed but you feel a reassuring hand on your shoulder and it gives you the courage to push the door open.</p><p>As everyone piles into the room, you stay back a bit waiting as everyone makes sure that Spencer's okay in their own ways. He's all smiles. He definitely looks like he just was in an explosion, you could tell from the bruising on his arms and the bandages on his face, but he still has that dopey smile on his face.</p><p>When it's Morgan's turn to say hello, he looks strained. The team notices and makes their quiet leave, promising they'll be back with food for Spencer and as soon as you turn to leave with them, Spencer accidentally lets out a strained noise. </p><p>Everyone stops and turns to look at him, and his cheeks turn red. "So-Sorry, it's nothing. I just, Y/N?" This gets everyone's attention and they all get that look of knowing before nodding and saying their goodbyes again. This time you hang back.</p><p>It still looked like Morgan really wanted to talk to Reid so you point your thumb to the other side of the door, "I'll be on the other side of the door,"</p><p>Reid nods and watches as you open the door and he can still see you through the window in the room so it makes him feel better. When he makes sure that you won't be leaving so soon, his attention turns to Derek. </p><p>"What's up? He says raspily. </p><p>"I just... wanted to thank you," Morgan says as he takes a seat right next to the hospital bed.</p><p>"For what?" Reid says, smiling.</p><p>"For helping me out of the explosion. I could have gotten way more hurt if not for you."</p><p>"You'd do the same if it were me, Morgan, it's nothing,"</p><p>Morgan looks at Reid with a face of disbelief. Nothing? This could have seriously injured him or even killed him. He knew that were the options when he came storming back into the chapel and helped him get the rest of the woman and children. </p><p>"Kid, it's not nothing. It was a big deal. And... and well now, you have another person worried about you and you could have been seriously injured."</p><p>Spencer didn't really think of it that way honestly. He just knew he had to help, his body moved before he even thought about it. He just wanted Morgan to be safe, but Morgan was right.</p><p>Now, Y/N was waiting for him to come home safe and sound. He wanted to come home to you and see you curled up in his bed with a book. He wanted early morning breakfasts and soft smiles. He wanted late-night movies and pointing out constellations on the ceilings. He didn't want something like this to prevent that from happening. Not now. Not when he had so much to lose now.</p><p>"You're right. But... I don't regret doing what I did Morgan." He says quietly, "I know people are waiting for me to come home, but you needed help."</p><p>"I know Kid, but just... maybe think a little bit more when it comes to things like this."</p><p>Spencer nods but Morgan knows that he's just trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. He probably wants to speak with Y/N instead and he gets the message. He gives Reid a pat on the shoulder before he gets up and says goodbye before opening the door.</p><p>"Pretty Boy's all yours Y/N," he calls out as he passes you.</p><p>The moment you see Morgan step out of the room, you're walking through the threshold. Waving at Morgan as he walks down the corridor and you shut the door when you can't see him anymore. Unsure about what to do you linger by the door. Too afraid to look up at Reid and see him in a hospital bed.</p><p>If you looked at him, if you really saw with your own eyes, then it would be real. It'd be real that Reid got hurt on a case. Real that he could have died out there while you sat waiting for him back home.</p><p>"Y/N" You hear him say, "I-Is everything okay?"</p><p>Typical Spencer to be worrying about someone else while he's laid up in a hospital bed. </p><p>"Are you serious?" You find yourself responding. Your tone is harsh and cold and the moment the words leave your mouth you regret it.</p><p>"W-What?" He stutters out, sitting up a bit in bed and looking at you worriedly. </p><p>"Y-You're hurt, Spencer! You went into surgery and lost a lot of blood! Broken ribs!" You say. Now that you've gotten started, you can't stop. The worry gets translated to anger and hurt and you don't mean it, but it just ends up that way. "I sat in the BAU with Garcia not knowing if you were okay. If any of you were okay!"</p><p>Spencer's quiet. Listening and watching as you work yourself up. Was it bad that he thought it was cute how much you were worried about him and the team? Maybe he shouldn't bring that up but it certainly made it difficult for him to keep a smile off his face.</p><p>"Y/N," He says after it seemed like you were finished with your rant, "I'm okay." </p><p>“You could have died in an explosion, Spencer!”</p><p>”But I didn’t,” he retorts, a smug smile on his face.</p><p>“You- You big... dummy!”</p><p>This startles Spencer. He’s looking at you with big eyes and mouth agape. Sure it wasn’t a curse word or anything like that, but he’s never heard you even say anything remotely bad. It makes him laugh. A big hearty laugh that hurts his stitches. He winces as he laughs, but he’s to the point of tears by now. </p><p>You couldn’t believe that he was laughing at you. The moment you hear him wincing in between the laughter, you’re at his bedside fussing over him. He really did look bad, his hair had matted down and there was a bit of soot and grime on parts of his body. The bruising around his eyes were prominent on his face and it made it seem like he had gotten into a really bad fight.</p><p>He just didn't look much like himself and it made your heart hurt.</p><p>“Don’t ever do that again,” you warn him. Finally sitting down in the chair next to the bed and resting your head on the edge of the bed. </p><p>“I’ll try not to,” </p><p>You feel Spencer’s hand carefully running through your hair and it makes you sigh happily, leaning into his touch a bit more and smiling softly as you look up at him. </p><p>"I'm home." Spencer says quietly as he slowly twirls strands of your hair between his fingers.</p><p>You didn't understand it at first. There was no way Spencer would be calling a hospital room in Texas his home, especially since he'd be leaving in a few days.</p><p>It takes you a while to figure what he meant honestly. Not when the team returns with take-out and coffee. Not when they leave for their respective hotel rooms. It’s when you're alone once again with Reid and he's quietly sleeping in the bed while you lay on the makeshift cot and staring at his profile you understand.</p><p>You knew he should be getting as much sleep as he can, but you find yourself at his bedside again, wrapping your hand around his and gently laying your head onto the side of the bed. The action causes Spencer to stir, slowly shifting his attention to the newfound weight on his hand and finding you smiling softly up at him once again.</p><p>"Do you mind if I sleep next to you?" You whisper. </p><p>Reid doesn't hesitate. He's instantly scooting over enough for you on the small hospital bed. As you carefully climb into the bed, Reid's lifting the thin sheet over you and you laugh a bit as you snuggle in closer to him. </p><p>"Shouldn't I be the one who's supposed to be taking care of you? You're all bandaged up and out of commission."</p><p>"No, I'm perfectly fine Y/N"</p><p>His answer makes you roll your eyes but you let him have it. As you lay your head on his chest, you press a soft kiss onto his jaw, too afraid to move anymore now that you've both settled and afraid that it might hurt Spencer's stitches. It was at that moment you hear Spencer's heart rate monitor pick up in speed. It seemed like Spencer's embarrassed about it so you don't bring it up, but it makes you smile.</p><p>You were mindful as possible of his injuries, trying to keep some distance between both of you, but Spencer just pulls you in closer and rests his chin on the top of your head. </p><p>"Welcome home." You mumble and Spencer just holds you closer and presses a soft kiss to your temple.</p><p>And when the team arrives in the morning and finds the two of you wrapped up together snoring quietly, they don't say anything, but they do take about a billion photos.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a while until Spencer’s discharged from the hospital, and the moment he isn’t required to be on bed rest he’s moving around. On the plane ride home, he insisted on carrying your bag in which Morgan took the moment he picked it up, which meant Morgan was carrying his own bag along with Spencer and yours. It made you feel bad, but Morgan reassured you it was fine. </p><p>The plane ride was something else. You've never been on their jet and in a way, it felt like you were intruding but Rossi smiled at you as you passed by him and you took it as a sign to relax.</p><p>Everyone was in their own little worlds on the plane. JJ and Prentiss chatting, Morgan was very much asleep, and Hotch and Rossi were quietly reading. Reid on the other hand was very much trying his best not to worry anyone. </p><p>You could tell the minute he sat down that he was uncomfortable. You guess that sitting up all the way was irritating his stitches and he was trying his best to hide it, but you noticed. Maybe you could get him to shifts positions so he was more comfortable, but you knew that if you brought it up he'd deny it and say that he was fine.</p><p>How would you be able to get him to move without actually asking him to move? The team had even given the both of you the biggest seats so Reid could be comfortable, but Reid being the gentleman he was let you take up the majority of the seat even though you said it should be for him.</p><p>"Hey bub, mind if I lay down?"</p><p>This was the only possible way you could think of that Reid would shift so he would be a pillow of some sort and be more horizontal than upright. The moment the words left your mouth Reid nods, scooting a bit and leaning back into the seat with his legs lifted.</p><p>This was perfect. He had moved without even thinking about his stitches and he was in a better position so he would be more comfortable, but now, you had to lay down. You were reluctant at first but Reid gives you a soft smile and pats his lap as an invitation for your head. It was a bit weird to be laying down on the plane with your boss literally a few seats over but if it made Spencer feel better then it would be worth it.</p><p>You lay your head in his lap and give Spencer a soft smile as his hand finds its way into your hair and playing with it as he uses the other hand to support his own head.</p><p>Being on a plane so small, the moment Spencer had moved, the team notices. They keep quiet but they're taking note of how relaxed Spencer looked now. Of course they noticed that he was uncomfortable the moment he sat down, but they knew him.</p><p>If they had brought it up, he would insist he was okay and make it harder to help him later on. It was a pleasant change in Spencer's behavior. Sure, he's a great guy all around, but they knew that he would rather carry all his burdens and not share when he needed help in favor of "bothering" anyone about it. He didn't want to put more issues on his friends and that's just how he is and the team would try to reassure him that if he ever needed anything, just say the word, but he never does. </p><p>Seeing you not even batting an eye to Spencer's behavior and just working around his issue without asking if he needed help was something they never saw coming. Spencer must have known this was your ultimate goal, but he didn't even question it. If anyone on the team pulled what you did, Spencer would call them out for treating him like a kid. </p><p>It was just like an unspoken thing between the two of you and it certainly fascinated the team. They were quite sure the two of you were in a relationship with how comfortable you are with each other, but they didn't pry. It was nice. Nice seeing Spencer look so genuinely happy again. They didn't want to ruin anything by inserting themselves into the quiet thing between the two.</p><p>Even if they were wrong, it was the beginning of a nice romance and they couldn't wait for you and Spencer to publicly announce the nature of the relationship to them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!</p><p>Contact me!<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, I am very tired :)<br/>I am feeling very discouraged about writing and am struggling :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reid did not listen to the doctor's orders when they said to lay low and relax to let the stitches heal properly. The moment you were home, Reid was throwing his clothes in the wash and planning when he could go back to work. Hotch had given him some days off to recover along with Prentiss, but you just knew that the both of them would show up to work way earlier than expected.</p>
<p>You couldn't take it anymore when you see Reid trying to lift his basket of laundry. If he kept up like this he would most definitely rip open his stitches and you did not want another trip to the hospital. </p>
<p>"Reid, okay. Okay, that's enough. Put it down," You say as you close your book and set it down on the kitchen table, "You need to sit down and relax," </p>
<p>"No, it's fine. I got it. It isn't even that heavy," he replies, bending over once again to try and pick up the laundry basket. </p>
<p>You can see him wincing as he stands back up properly and by then you're taking the basket from his hands and shooting him a look. Luckily, that stops him from trying to reach for the basket again. He looks a little bit like a hurt puppy as you shoo him from the machines and onto the couch. </p>
<p>"You need to stop moving around so much bub, you're going to rip open your stitches."</p>
<p>Reid huffs as he watches you place the laundry basket down on the coffee table and pull the table closer so Reid can rest his feet on it. He doesn't lift his feet up though and you give him another pointed look before placing a throw pillow on the hardwood and placing Reid's feet on top of it.</p>
<p>"See, relaxing is easy," you say as you grab your book and place it in his hands, "Read to me while I fold your laundry, it's only fair."</p>
<p>Finally, Reid cracks a smile as he thumbs through the paperback and finding the dog-eared page you left off on. His voice is soft but strong, smooth just like honey and it made it difficult to multitask when he was reading. His voice just had that tone that commanded people to listen. He even began creating voices for the different characters and it was extremely charming.</p>
<p>Your hands finally dip into the laundry basket and you begin folding his laundry. After a while, the basket of laundry was now folded and placed back into the basket to be returned to Reid's drawers. You typically didn't like folding laundry all that much, but this time was different. You were sad to see that there were no more clothes in the basket.</p>
<p>You expected Spencer to stop reading after noticing his laundry was now folded. But Reid kept reading, his voice steady and calm and you lean back into the couch and quietly listen to his voice.</p>
<p>Somehow, the two of you end up tangled up together mindful of Reid's stitches, but nevertheless, the two of you intertwined with each other while Reid reads out loud. His chin rests on top of your head and you rest your head on his chest. You knew you'd have to get up some time so Spencer could check on his stitches but right now you were savoring the way it felt to be held in his arms. The way you just slot in perfectly with him, like two puzzle pieces that were made for each other.</p>
<p>When Spencer finishes reading, he presses a soft kiss to your forehead and gives you a soft smile. He can see your eyelashes flush against your skin and for a second he thinks that you're asleep, but the smile on your face gives you away. He's reluctant to get up, but he really needed to check on his stitches. The quicker the stitches dissolved and healed up, the quicker he can get back to work. But right now, with you in his arms, he didn't care much about getting back to work.</p>
<p>"Do you want to go to the museum? They're opening a new planetarium wing in a month or so and I wanted to go check it out," he whispers before pressing another kiss to your forehead.</p>
<p>The feeling of Reid's lips on your skin again makes you smile, "Y-Yeah, I.. Yeah that would be really cool"</p>
<p>Spencer's lips turn up in a small smile and he's clearly trying to stop himself from smiling. He presses another kiss to your head before he's reluctantly peeling himself away from you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been a few weeks since the explosion and Spencer was fully healed and returned to work much to your dismay. You'd miss being able to hang out with him for the most of your day, but you both had jobs to do albeit his was more important than slinging coffee out to the masses.</p>
<p>Reid would try to swing by as much as possible while he worked. One day he had come in three times for coffee and tea claiming that the drinks here were better than the BAU's stuff, which was true, but still. Sometimes he'd bring someone along when they had the time, but usually, it was just him.</p>
<p>In your free time, you were able to get a few freelancing jobs and occasionally help out Garcia but your time at the BAU offices was dwindling now that the database you created with Garcia was up and running properly. </p>
<p>The owner of the cafe was really nice and allowed you to work on other things as long as there weren't any customers in the shop that needed assistance. Luckily, right after the morning rush and before the lunch rush was prime time to get things done. You were able to work on coding during those times and barely had to pay attention to customers.</p>
<p>Today was not one of those days. A man who had walked into the cafe during the morning rush still sat in the far corner sipping on his fourth cup of tea and reading the newspaper.</p>
<p>You had your laptop out but just out of sight from the man in hopes that you could work on a bit of code for a start-up company that hired you but every time you'd type a line of code, the man would be up on his feet ordering something or asking you questions. This meant you would have to stay up later than usual to get this section done to meet the deadline and you were dreading it. You hoped that you could just hang out with Reid when you got home. </p>
<p>He had been busy with a case recently. Luckily, the case didn't take him very far and was able to get home every other day and you'd try to be free during those days so you could help him relax a bit before going back to work and putting himself in the line of danger. </p>
<p>By the lunch rush, you thought the man sitting in the corner would have left, but instead, he sat there on his phone and you didn't think it was weird at first but he began staring at you. When you caught his eye, you quickly averted your eyes you pulled out a sticky note and wrote down that you were feeling uncomfortable and describing the man to pass on to the owner.</p>
<p>You've had a fair share of people lingering in the cafe to pick up other people, it was normal, but usually, they'd leave when they couldn't get anyone to flirt with. This case felt different though. For some reason, it made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and made your stomach churn. </p>
<p>When your shift ended and your coworker switched out with you, you warned her about the weird customer but as soon as you step out of the cafe, he follows. At first, you don't notice. You swing by the grocery store and pick up some apples to make some mini apple pies later and while you're bagging the apples, you notice the man from the cafe linger around the produce. </p>
<p>By now you realize that he had been following you. You weren't quite sure where to go that would discourage your newfound stalker until you realize you had your ID badge with you. You could go to the BAU and wait it out and go home with Reid so you weren't alone in going home.</p>
<p>As you check out, you keep checking behind you to see if the stalker was still following you and when you realize that he is indeed still following you, you make a B-line straight to the office. Hopefully, someone was there to reassure you it was okay for you to stay there, but the likelihood of that was slim because they were on a case.</p>
<p>Getting into the BAU was easy enough. The security gave you a warm welcome as soon as you showed them your ID and you felt way better now that the stalker wouldn't be following you into the building. </p>
<p>No one was inside the office when you arrive, not even Garcia. They were probably working in a remote area so you kept to yourself in the breakroom waiting to see if anyone was going to return tonight.</p>
<p>You and Reid had exchanged a few texts since living together but there were just usual things that needed to be done at home or things either of you needed to pick up. Spencer usually called if he wasn't going to go home but this time, he sends a text instead. A quick, "Hey I won't be coming home tonight. We'll hang out when I get back!" </p>
<p>Now this made things complicated. You were banking on Spencer coming home tonight so you didn't have to walk home alone in hopes that the stalker was discouraged and stopped following you around. Getting a cab was another option, but it still meant the guy could follow you, but for right now, it was the safer option. </p>
<p>You grab your things and your bag of apples before heading out of the building wishing the security a good night and giving them a few apples before hailing for a cab at the street. Keeping a good eye on your surrounding you didn't see the man so you thought you were in the clear and when the cab pulls up, you smile and get in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spencer desperately wanted to get home as quickly as possible. You had told him that you were going to make mini apple pies when he got home and he could not wait to have some. The whole team knew how much he wanted to go home and well, it seemed like they also wanted to finish the case and see their own loved ones. The biggest problem they had was gathering enough evidence to be able to pin the crime to the unsub. The unsub was already in custody, but they needed a little bit more evidence. In a stroke of luck, the evidence came rushing in at once, and everything fit perfectly.</p>
<p>As the team said their goodbyes at the office, Spencer notices the security snacking on apples. It may have been a coincidence, but he had to ask, "Hey was Y/N here?"</p>
<p>The security smile and nod, and tell Spencer that you were here not too long ago with a sack of apples and that you looked a little worried when you left. This was information to him, usually, you'd head home from work, maybe get a few errands done but coming to the BAU even when he had said he wasn't going to be able to get home was odd. Why would you go straight here?</p>
<p>"Do you know why she came here?" he asks.</p>
<p>The security officers shake their heads, "Well, she seemed really relieved when she got in. Nothing out of the ordinary really." </p>
<p>This wasn't normal for you. Spencer nods slowly and begins thinking of anything that would make you come to the office instead of home. Prentiss notices Spencer lingering in the lobby and pats Spencer on the back.</p>
<p>"Are the mini apple pies not waiting for you Spencer? What are you still doing here?"</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah... Y/N was here and left and I'm just confused as to why she came."</p>
<p>"You could call her?" Prentiss says as she smiles.</p>
<p>Spencer nods again before pulling out his phone and pressing a few buttons to call you. He's a bit nervous by the fifth ring, by then you would usually answer. When the phone call brings him to your voice mail he tries again, and again, and again.</p>
<p>"She's not picking up," he says quickly before turning and rushing towards the elevator and rapidly pressing on the button. Prentiss is right behind him, pulling her own phone out and calling the rest of the team and updating them about what's happening. She tries to call you as well only being met with ringing and then your voicemail, "Hey it's Y/N Y/L/N. I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message!"</p>
<p>Luckily, Garcia was still in the office packing up her things when Spencer comes rushing in, "Garcia, can you track Y/N's phone and pull up security footage from the lobby and the breakroom."</p>
<p>Prentiss is not far behind him with Hotch in tow and the worry on Spencer's face makes Garcia drop her things and immediately turn to her computer and pulling up the latest location of your phone along with the security footage.</p>
<p>They examine the footage first, watching as you push open the doors and glance behind you. There was fear in your movements and the look of worry in your face by the looks of it. The second the door shuts behind you, they can see that your demeanor shifts to a more relaxed one.</p>
<p>"Someone's following her," Hotch says as he stops the footage right as you're pushing the door open, "See, furrowed eyebrows, glancing behind herself not once, but twice. Garcia, pull up security footage from the exterior."</p>
<p>Garcia nods, pausing her search for your phone and instantly opening the exterior security footage, "No one without a badge can enter the premises so if anyone was following her, they would have to be on the outside." Her hands make quick work on pulling up cameras from the street cams and security footage from stores surrounding the area. </p>
<p>"There," Spencer says, immediately pointing out you walking briskly towards the BAU, "She's glancing back every so often and her shoulders are hunched inwards. Can we see if the person following her shows up in the camera?"</p>
<p>"I'm not seeing anything," Prentiss says as she watches the footage, "If someone was following her, they're staying in all the blindspots which mean they know where the cameras are."</p>
<p>"Could it be Cole?" Spencer asks.</p>
<p>"No, Cole's phone places him a few towns over. If it were him, I'd get some sort of alert." Garcia replies, pulling up the last phone conversations you had, "The only people who've contacted Y/N was Spencer and Prentiss. Nothing out of the ordinary."</p>
<p>"Cole?" Hotch asks, keeping an eye on the footage playing. </p>
<p>"Y/N's dad... Uh, well. Biological dad. I asked Y/N to move in when her biological dad had broken in and got violent." Spencer replies. He didn't want to tell them, but if it meant finding you quicker, it was worth it, he would have to deal with the consequences later. </p>
<p>Garcia's quiet until a ping alerts her of the last location your phone was in.</p>
<p>"Guys... Her phone? It's saying it's right outside."</p>
<p>The moment Spencer hears this, he's rushing out the office and pushing the front doors of the building. He quickly calls your phone and hears nothing until he walks to the street. He hears your phone but doesn't see it until he kneels down onto his knees and peers into the storm drain.</p>
<p>The moment he sees your phone down there he's up on his feet, hands in his hair as he glances around. It felt like his vision was blurring and everything was too bright like he had tunnel vision but could see everything but not focus on a singular thing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm on social media now by the way! <br/>Come say hi!!!<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! Thank you so much for your kind words and for making me feel better about writing. I really appreciate the kindness and it made my day reading comments from you guys.<br/>As a treat, I decided to update early!! <br/>I have a new wave of inspiration and am bursting with new chapters and I cannot wait for you all to read them. </p>
<p>Enjoy, and thank you again, for everything!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the tapes that Garcia pulled up, they notice that you had gotten into a cab instead of walking home which you usually did. Unluckily, the cab number was obstructed from view but Garcia was able to see the drivers who were in the area around the time someone picked you up. </p>
<p>"There's about seven who were lingering around, but it doesn't seem like anyone's missing work because all their GPS in the cab systems are still running and with the number of stops they make a day, I can't tell if the unsub or Y/N got out." </p>
<p>Prentiss nods, as she takes another look at the footage trying to pick out any people who looked out of place or acting strangely but coming up with nothing, "Usually, the cabs are registered to a specific driver right? But that isn't always the case, right? Another person could be driving the cab and the cab company wouldn't even tell the difference. What if our unsub is pretending to be a cab driver and picking up people."</p>
<p>Garcia thinks about this for a minute before her fingers are flying across her keyboard pulling up the cab company and getting a list of drivers. "But, what about that person following Y/N? Isn't that why she came in? She looked scared when she opened the doors."</p>
<p>"We could have multiple unsubs. Or between the time she was inside, the stalker could have stolen a cab? How long was she inside?"</p>
<p>"About forty minutes. Would that be enough time?"</p>
<p>Prentiss paces in the small room before Spencer walks in with a pained look on his face and a now evidence bagged phone, "Found her phone," he says "Down a storm drain right outside. Did we get anything on the cab driver?"</p>
<p>Garcia shakes her head no as she works as quickly as possible to narrow down the suspect pool. Hotch was able to get through to Morgan and JJ and after a while, they show up as well all cramming into the small office space. </p>
<p>"Okay, here's something. A few streets over, the car drives past quite a few cameras and look who's inside," Garcia says, instantly pulling up a bigger picture of the street footage and you were sitting rigidly in the backseat of the cab.</p>
<p>"Can we see the cab number?" Spencer asks,</p>
<p>Garcia nods her head this time and zooms into the cab number and pulls up the corresponding driver information. "This cab is under one Michael Pollet. Works with Sunny Cabs Company and has no outstanding records, he hasn't been using his phone or making and bank transfers, nothing definitive on him."</p>
<p>Hotch nods, "Find him, Garcia. Send all of us all the information you have along with Cole's information. Rest of us, round table in ten."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After gathering at the round table, everyone can tell how stressed Reid is. His hair is a lot messier than usual, probably because he's been constantly running his fingers through it. His shirt was untucked and his tie was almost undone. He was just radiating stress just by sitting near him. It isn't until Garcia comes rushing in with a paper file for Spencer along with more information about the situation that Spencer's finally preoccupied instead of wallowing in his own thoughts. </p>
<p>He's immediately up by the board, writing down everything he knew, occasionally looking through the new information and writing it down as well. He starts off with a preliminary profile. Male, mid thirty's, white, has some knowledge of street cameras, local to this city. </p>
<p>"Michael Pollet has no paper trail as well, either he's completely off the grid, or he's missing," Garcia informs as she pulls up what she gathered on the two suspects. "Cole hasn't moved from where he is. The last call he made was to one Robert Minette who is apparently his friend from high school, they both have pretty lengthy records but nothing places them here at the moment."</p>
<p>"Have you talked to the cafe owner where Y/N worked?" Morgan asks as he reads through the little information Garcia was able to dig up on Michael.</p>
<p>"Yes! Apparently, Y/N wrote a little note to pass onto him that said there was a man in the cafe that stayed her entire shift. The note had a short description of the man, along with a personal note that said Y/N was feeling uncomfortable with his presence in the cafe. She even let her coworker know before leaving."</p>
<p>"What was the description?" JJ asks.</p>
<p>"White, about thirty, white collared button-up, brown mid-length hair, has a patchy beard."</p>
<p>"That's not Michael," Spencer says, pulling out a photo of Michael from his file.</p>
<p>The team continues reviewing the information, coming up with an even better profile, and every minute the team is brainstorming, the more and more anxious Spencer gets. He even has to step away a few times when it came to talking about if the unsub was torturing you and even worse if he was getting off because of it. He couldn't even stomach the idea of him touching you. Even though Spencer had worked thousands of cases like this one, just imagining what could happen to you if he didn't get to you in time made his stomach churn. </p>
<p>A short description of the man gets released to local police and agents are alerted to keep out for suspicious activity around the area. Around that time is when Garcia's phone lights up like a Christmas tree. Alerts begin flooding the systems along with all the tablets that the team has and a panicked look is on Garcia's face before she's rushing to her office.</p>
<p>Hotch and Spencer are immediately after her and once in her office, all her screens are spazzing out. </p>
<p>"Someone's in the system. I don't know how... I beefed up security after the Y/N incident." She says as she's trying to regain control but is immediately blocked from trying anything, "Y/N set up a tracker last time so hopefully, the system security is strong enough to keep our information but leave a bread crumb trail to this hacker."</p>
<p>Garcia watches as the person tries to dig through information but is confused as to why the person immediately stops. The flashing on the screens stop and the alerts popping up on her phone go quiet. "Something's wrong."</p>
<p>The moment the words leave her mouth, all of Garcia's systems shut down. She's panicked and desperately trying to turn everything back on but nothing's working and after a few minutes of Garcia flitting around the room, her main screen lights up.</p>
<p>Spencer's okay with computers. He had to adapt to reports being submitted digitally, he had to learn at least that much. That's just how it goes. But it didn't mean he was an expert.</p>
<p>The moment Garcia's main screen flips on, he thinks everything's okay with the system but upon closer inspection, the screen isn't open to the FBI database, or even Garcia's cute cats background. Instead, it was open to a grainy video. More specifically, a grainy video of Y/N strapped down in a bed with tape covering her mouth.</p>
<p>Even with the terrible quality video, Reid can tell you're struggling to break free from the restraints. He can see you thrashing around and pulling your arms towards yourself to try and loosen whatever held your arms apart.</p>
<p>Everyone in the room is at a standstill, watching as the video cuts in and out. Spencer could hear Garcia's quiet gasp as she watches you thrashing around on the bed. All Spencer could focus on was the pained look in your eyes. How you're probably screaming at the top of your lungs and how the bruises will fade around your limbs but the feeling will never go away.</p>
<p>"Garcia," Hotch says, and it snaps her out of her trance before she's quickly working to try and pinpoint where ever the video is coming from. </p>
<p>"I-It's not a video. It's live." Spencer chokes out, he's gotten closer to the screen and points out how the sheet on the bed gets progressively untucked after every minute.</p>
<p>"I-I don't know where it's coming from. It's bouncing off of multiple towers and the IP address leads me to some offshore internet accounts all over the country. He must be using a VPN or proxy websites to stream this, sir."</p>
<p>Spencer's nervously fidgeting with his fingers, he occasionally tugs at his hair as he watches you trying to break free and sobbing. He can just tell. He can tell how much pain you're in, crying out for help and no one coming to save you.</p>
<p>Morgan and JJ walk into the room to see why everyone's taking so long and the moment they lay their eyes on the screen, they're frozen in their places. Morgan can tell how much this is hurting Spencer just by looking at the kid and there wasn't much he can do to help but to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the live feed cuts, and from the look on Garcia's face, it was not done on purpose by her. It takes some time but as Garcia tries to pull up the feed once again, a shrill sound rings from the computer speakers. So shrill that it instinctively causes the team to shield their ears by how high-pitched it is. </p>
<p>"Garcia!" Morgan yells.</p>
<p>"Y-Yeah! I'm trying!" She responds.</p>
<p>The sound cuts off after a few minutes and the live feed is back up on the screen, but this time with a timestamp and audio. Another difference was the lack of clothing on you along with the loss of duct tape on your mouth. The sound of your screams ring throughout the small office. For a second everyone is transfixed on the video, it isn't until you're screaming bloody murder and calling out for Spencer, anyone really, that the team snaps out of it and Garcia resumes trying to pinpoint where the live feed is being broadcasted from. </p>
<p>"Morgan. Talk to Y/N's coworker, see if she saw the man who was sitting in the shop. Spencer and JJ, keep working on the profile so we can issue a working profile for the police. Garcia, when you're done trying to get the location of the live stream, pull up the cafe security tapes."</p>
<p>The team gets to work on their tasks, in between the time Rossi shows up with coffee for everyone along with food to snack on. Spencer had only downed the cup of coffee and resumed looking through possible unsubs and it was concerning.</p>
<p>JJ had picked up on the frantic behavior Spencer was exhibiting and was a bit worried that the close personal connection would inhibit him to see things a little more clearly. It was so bad that it got to the point where he asked Garcia to play the live stream in the conference room to keep him motivated. </p>
<p>She understood how badly he wanted to find you, she'd do the same if it was Will or one of her kids but this was running him to the ground at this point.</p>
<p>Prentiss and Rossi were the ones who were able to get Spencer to take a short break. He didn't leave the conference room though, he sat numbly on a chair watching you sleep on the television. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We have to do something," Rossi whispers, cautiously glancing over at Spencer and frowning, "Reid's been watching the feed for hours and I don't think he's eaten in days."</p>
<p>"Well, we're coming up empty. Morgan had talked to the coworker and she didn't see the man. The cameras in the cafe had a blind spot and that's where the unsub sat. We don't have enough witnesses for a rough sketch or anything and Garcia's worried that if she digs deeper into the feed the unsub will be able to have enough time to break our firewalls and bypass the security measures that Y/N did." Prentiss says.</p>
<p>"But we have enough for a working profile. This guy is probably working alone, smart enough to elaborate such a long-running plan. He is also skilled in programming and hacking so we can assume he's in the same work field. Has a lot of time on his hands so we know he's either working part-time or is recently jobless. We know he's local because he knows where the street cameras are located." JJ reads off a paper as she glances back at the board. </p>
<p>"He's probably after something if he's also the person who caused such a ruckus in our system a few months ago. So we might be looking for someone who's already in the system or on a watchlist." Morgan chips in. </p>
<p>It takes a while for the team to get the profile out. With the limited information, they had and the difficulty pinpointing where the broadcast came from they had to cast a pretty wide net when it came to location. Garcia was still working on finding where the broadcast came from but with the different and many proxies, the unsub had it made it virtually impossible at the moment.</p>
<p>The broadcast is still the same. The quiet audio plays in the conference room twenty-four seven along with the video, Spencer demanded it. He didn't leave either. Most of his nights were spent in front of the screen, watching you struggle, cry, and yell. There would be times the broadcast would cut off, those were the times where Spencer truly expressed his feelings. The first time it happened, Spencer had thrown a chair at the wall and yelling for someone to fix it so he can see you again.</p>
<p>After that, Morgan had to calm him down and express how concerned they were about it. After that incident, he resulted in slamming his fist against the hardwood table, and curse to himself quietly. He'd sometimes cover his eyes with his hands and the team just knew he was crying.</p>
<p>They would try to get him to calm down whenever he got angry enough to showcase it, try to preoccupy him with case stuff, but they knew, they just knew that he was being torn apart from the inside out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was nearing a week since your disappearance. Spencer looked rough. Rossi suspects he hasn't slept and has only been surviving off of coffee and nuts. Around then is when Garcia was able to find the broadcast on porn sites. It absolutely crushed Reid and he had to step away from it while the team discussed what the next move was while the multiple porn sites were up on the monitors. People would turn up to the live stream and watch as you struggle. Luckily, there was no sex involved on camera, but they knew people got off to the fact that you were tied up and struggling to break free. </p>
<p>Garcia was able to pull the viewers' information and the BAU began bringing them in for questioning. This was the silver lining in the situation. A mistake that the unsub finally made and it allowed Garcia to narrow down the search. A smaller pool of suspects that brought it closer for them to find you.</p>
<p>Getting information from the people brought in was easy after Garcia was able to pull child porn off their hard drives, which resulted in a name. Albeit it wasn't the unsubs real name, it was a name nevertheless, it narrowed the search drastically.</p>
<p>Spencer was that much closer to seeing you again. Holding you in his arms and comforting you. Making sure you're safe and that you <em>felt</em> safe. That much closer to having you home. </p>
<p>He wasn't allowed in the interrogation rooms. At first, they originally had Spencer and Prentiss in one room but Spencer's emotions had gotten the better of him. It resulted in him pinning the man up against the wall with his forearm crushing the guy's throat after he refused to answer any of the questions asked. Morgan had to step in and help Prentiss escort Reid out the room, he didn't go easy either. </p>
<p>"Reid, you have to calm down. We won't be able to get anything if you keep losing your cool. This is our turf, we can run circles around these people easily. We'll get her back Spencer. Trust us."</p>
<p>After that incident, Spencer chose not to return to the interrogations. Instead, he stood behind the one-way mirror and watched his friends get as much information. Learning about the unsub and his behavior. The unsub would place megabytes of different things onto his "customers" hard drives to test their loyalty. If they were able to keep those quiet, he'd give them the harder stuff. It disgusted Spencer. It made him want to inflict so much pain on the low lives who were in their custody. But he persevered and watched the interrogations behind the glass with the thought of you in his mind.</p>
<p>It takes some time, but Garcia finally finds it. The true location of where the broadcast was streaming from. It takes about a few days but she has it.</p>
<p>It was after the interrogations and days upon days of all-nighters and pep talks from Morgan. But she got it.</p>
<p>"Guys, I got it. She's in a warehouse a town over." She says quickly as she bursts through the conference room doors, "I sent the location to your PDA's already and-and everything's set!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will still be updating on Monday (10/12)<br/>Just wanted to give you guys something to read now as a thank you.</p>
<p>Also to all the new people who found me on tumblr, hello, thank you for reading!</p>
<p>Where to contact me!<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, happy Monday!<br/>Thank you all for the comments! I really enjoy reading them and it makes my day :)<br/>I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I cannot wait to see what you guys say!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The team doesn't waste any time. Garcia pulls the blueprints of the warehouse and immediately the team comes up with an extraction plan. Spencer's there, eyes scanning the blueprints and offering the best possible way to get you out of the building safely.</p>
<p>It was the most important thing in his mind. As much as he wanted to catch the unsub, you were his top priority. He would leave the unsub to Morgan and Prentiss. He just knew that they would give the guy hell. </p>
<p>"We know our assignments. We'll leave in twenty." Hotch announces, immediately leaving the conference room and calling his sister to tell her he'll be unreachable for the next few hours. The whole team does. Morgan to his new girlfriend, JJ with Will, even Prentiss and Rossi calling off their evenings.</p>
<p>Spencer, on the other hand, stares down at his own phone with your contact information pulled up. It was pointless to even have his phone out. It's not like he had anyone to call and say he'd be late. </p>
<p>Prentiss is the one to snap him out of his thoughts. A firm but comforting hand on his shoulder and a smile. </p>
<p>"We'll get her back Spencer. Don't worry that pretty little head of yours." She says before giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and leaving to change into her gear.</p>
<p>It takes a while for them to arrive at the warehouse. There were no landmarks or even street signs signifying where they were but once the GPS signals that they're at the right coordinates, the team goes over the plan making sure everyone knew what they were doing. </p>
<p>The warehouse is run down and feels like it could collapse at any second. With a building so big, the team, along with a few more agents were spread out thin. As they clear the rooms one by one, Spencer hears the sound of music playing down a corridor. Morgan has to hold him back, he knew it Spencer would take off running at any sign that you were here. </p>
<p>"Wait," Morgan whispers harshly, "It could be a trap."</p>
<p>It takes everything in Spencer to not go off running towards the sound. As they clear the second to last rooms, they find the camera equipment and a computer set up. This was definitely the place where the broadcasting was coming from, they didn't doubt Garcia, but it was nice to see that the information was correct and that it just wasn't some elaborate ruse. The techs they have on hand are quick to shut down the broadcast while the rest of the agents head off to the next room.</p>
<p>When they reach the end of the corridor, the muffled sound of music is heard along with quiet mumblings. As Morgan and Prentiss take their positions, Spencer is right behind them, his hand firmly grasping his revolver and praying to whatever was out there that you were okay. He wasn't religious. Not at all really. He believed in facts and science. But right now, he scrambled for something to pray to. Something out there that might hear his pleas and take pity on his soul. </p>
<p>As Morgan backs up a bit, getting ready to kick the door down, Spencer gulps. The moment the door is kicked off the hinges, Prentiss is quick to enter, checking the surroundings and waving in the rest of the team. Morgan next, keeping an eye on their six. Finally, Spencer. He's immediately through the door, revolver at the ready and scanning the room to see if you were in there.</p>
<p>The only items in the room was a couch and a small radio that played the top fifty hits of today. It was grating to hear honestly, it was mostly just static and an occasional line from a song. It took everything for him to not smash the thing with his bare hands.</p>
<p>The last door left was next to the couch, this door though was locked with not only a standard lock, but also multiple deadbolts.</p>
<p>The team is quick to unlock the door, and they repeat the actions once again. Morgan, then Prentiss, then Reid. This time, they get it right. </p>
<p>A bed is placed in the middle of the room and the stained sheets that are stark against your skin. The moment Reid spots you, he hostlers his gun and is immediately next to you, checking to see if there were any wounds on your body.</p>
<p>"Spencer?" You say drowsily. </p>
<p>He must have given you something to keep you from fighting back. He can clearly tell that you weren't all quite there. There were no tears, no shouts of protests, no struggling. As he carefully undoes your restraints he immediately spots the bruising that circled your limbs. It was heartbreaking. </p>
<p>"H-hey, you're alright now" He whispers as he wraps his arms around you, shielding your exposed body from any more eyes. Prentiss is the one to drape her FBI jacket over your shoulders and Spencer's immediately zipping it up, "Y/N? Can you hear me?"</p>
<p>He can faintly hear Morgan calling for medical, but his focus is on you. Tripple checking to see if there were any open wounds and checking your pulse. </p>
<p>It only takes a few minutes for the medical team to rush in, and in an instant, you're laid on the stretcher with a blanket covering the rest of your body. Spencer is immediately at your side, firmly grasping your hand and walking with the stretcher as they wheel you into the ambulance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luckily, the ambulance ride felt like a few minutes. Spencer watched as the paramedics check your vitals and make sure there were no immediate signs of you in danger. He can't really hear what the paramedics are saying, he's too focused on your appearance. How pale and weak you looked. How the bruises were extremely prominent on your wrists which meant you tried harder to break free of your arm restraints than your legs.</p>
<p>Reid walks right next to you as they wheel you through the emergency room, his hand never leaving yours, but it gets to the point where he's not allowed through. It takes about two nurses to hold him back and stop him from rushing into the room. They try to get him to wait in the waiting room, but after an argument, that he is honestly not proud of, they let him stand in the hall while they conduct their examination. </p>
<p>He can hear your heart monitor and it's concerning. It seemed like you had bradycardia, a slow inconsistent heartbeat. The doctors and nurses in the room work to bring your heart rate back up while trying to flush out all the drugs that were injected into your body. They would have to do a tox screen to see what exactly what they were working with, but for now, their main concern was getting your heart rate up. </p>
<p>As the doctors send for a tox screen, they're finally able to get your heart rate to a comfortable pace instead of hovering dangerously low. This is when they let Spencer into the room. It felt like a lifetime, but he's finally inside, sitting at your bedside and holding your hand patiently waiting for you to open your eyes once again.</p>
<p>He wasn't quite sure how long he was waiting really. It honestly could have been hours but the sight of Garcia notifies him it couldn't have been more than a few. </p>
<p>"How is she?" Garcia whispers, placing her bag down. She carried the bouquet of flowers in her arms and as she takes the other seat from across him, she gently lays the flowers onto the rolling table.</p>
<p>"She's been drugged. A mixture of drugs, her heart was beating at an alarmingly low rate... if we... if we didn't get to her in time, she could have..."</p>
<p>"Spencer, you got to her in time," Garcia says, cutting off Spencer, "She's okay."</p>
<p>He leaves it at that, not wanting to snap at Garcia. She was right, but it still terrified him. You were near death when they found you. If they wasted a second longer, he'd be cradling your dead body instead of sitting here in the hospital listening to the constant beeping from your heart rate monitor.</p>
<p>It was a blessing honestly, the sound of the beeping coming from the machine. Whenever he did land in a hospital room, the constant noise that it emitted was mind-numbing, but now? Now it was a reminder that you were still here with him. </p>
<p>After a few hours, the rest of the team slowly trickle into the hospital room. It was nice to see everyone okay. After the rest of the sweep of the warehouse, they found nothing else that connected a person to the crime, but they were able to bring back all the computer equipment so Garcia could go through it.</p>
<p>It made Spencer's blood boil, but now was not the time to get upset. There were other things to be worried about at the moment. He had to prioritize what was more important to him, and it was an easy choice. He'd leave the case to his friends and he'd take care of you. He was in no rush to return to work, he wanted you to feel okay. </p>
<p>The doctor returned with results from the tox screen and Spencer's original thought was correct. An IV was inserted into your arm and repeatedly ripped out when finished pumping a concoction of upper and downer drugs. The list was lengthy and concerning. </p>
<p>"It might take her a while... to, be herself again..." The doctor informs them, "She'll be suffering from withdrawals for a while. We can recommend a rehab program and support groups but ultimately, it comes down to if she wants to."</p>
<p>Spencer knows how it felt to go through withdrawals. He didn't really speak about that time with you, it was still painful and sometimes it felt as if he'll relapse again. But you knew enough. </p>
<p>There was a night where you were having a few glasses of wine and you had offered him some. Spencer just smiled and politely refused as he sipped on some juice. The wine had given you enough liquid courage to ask why.</p>
<p>It resulted in Spencer telling you about his torture. What had happened and how he struggled for a while and no one noticed. Spencer reassured you that he was clean now, but he admitted how sometimes, late in the night, he craves the feeling of it. It was why he denied himself anything that would be considered a crutch to make sure he doesn't relapse or get addicted to another thing.</p>
<p>It was the first time Spencer really cried in front of you.</p>
<p>Glossy eyes and juice stained lips. Moonlight shining through the windows and bathing the both of you in its light. Intimacy.</p>
<p>Spencer cried into your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him. Quiet words of reassurance and the sound of him sniffling were the only things heard in the apartment that night.</p>
<p>In the morning, when you woke up, Spencer was still soundly asleep, his nose pressed into your neck, and the feeling of his breath tickling your skin. It was then you decided, no,<em> promised</em>, that you would try your hardest to take care of this man who had gone through too much too quickly. Be there when no one would be. Learn how to differentiate when he's stressed or struggling because no one should <em>ever</em> go through something like that alone.</p>
<p>Just from remembering what had happened that night, how he spilled his vulnerability, and you not questioning a single thing only to take him in your arms and comfort him; Spencer knew you would immediately refuse any type of help because the two of you were just so similar in that way. Stubborn and independent. Would rather suffer silently so friends wouldn't worry because they have other pressing things to be worried about and you didn't want to be another thing they would have to keep track of.</p>
<p>He began quietly thinking of different ways to get you help if you needed it. He wouldn't be able to rest knowing you were struggling. He would be there every step of the way of recovery because he knew what it was like to be alone.</p>
<p>Luckily, Hotch is the one to take control of the conversation with the doctor, stepping out into the hall to get the full list of drugs in your system. Spencer was thankful that Hotch was the one taking charge. If it were him, he wouldn't be able to focus properly, he'd probably be glancing over at you every few seconds just to make sure you were there and it wasn't just his imagination.</p>
<p>"Is there anyone we can contact for her Spence?" JJ asks, gently placing a hand onto his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Uh... Her granddad... but from the sound of it, I don't think he'll be able to travel here."</p>
<p>JJ nods nevertheless, immediately pulling her phone from her pocket and also stepping into the hall to make the necessary calls. </p>
<p>Morgan and Prentiss squish together on a small pull out couch and wait patiently for anything Spencer can ask for, but he doesn't speak a word, his eyes trained on your pale face. </p>
<p>It was nearing eight when Spencer speaks once again. Morgan's focus is immediately on Spencer when he hears his voice.</p>
<p>"You guys don't have to stay here. You should get some sleep."</p>
<p>"We're not leaving you here alone, Kid." He replies, leaning back into the uncomfortable couch and Prentiss agreeing, "I don't have anything going on but this."</p>
<p>Spencer can see Garcia smile from where he sat and he smiles a bit before gently squeezing your hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The entire night passes and Spencer hasn't yet gotten a wink of sleep. The rest of the team slept quietly in their places, they looked extremely uncomfortable but they stayed. Spencer just couldn't stop staring at you. How your cheeks had sunken in and the darkening circles under your eyes. It just didn't belong on you.</p>
<p>You just always looked golden. Sunkissed. Like you spent your days laying in the grass under a tall tree and sunbathed in the rays. Whenever he pictured you in his mind, he would see you lounging in the living room with a book cracked open on your lap and the morning light spilling through the windows and bathing you in its soft light.</p>
<p>Not this. Not you laid up in a hospital bed with wires connecting you to machines and the sound of a weak heartbeat that lulls everyone into a false sense of security. It looked like all the life had been sucked out of your body and he hated it. </p>
<p>Around four in the morning was the first sign of you waking up. The hand Spencer was holding twitched a bit and immediately Spencer's at the edge of his seat and waiting for any sign of you fully waking up. But to no avail, your eyes stay shut and Spencer is sighing quietly as he rests his forehead against the edge of the hospital bed.</p>
<p>The team slowly wake around six in the morning. First is Morgan who gently places a hand on Spencer's shoulder as a sign of reassurance, before he's heading for the toilets and to stretch his legs. Then it's Prentiss who sits with Spencer for a little, talking in hushed tones and exchanging sad smiles. Then it's Garcia who rubs her eyes, smudging her eyeliner and mascara before heading out with Prentiss to grab everyone something to eat. </p>
<p>Spencer stays.</p>
<p>He sits in his chair waiting patiently for you to open your eyes and sob into his arms. He expects it. It's a typical case. Tears, anger, guilt, sadness, blame. He was ready for all of it. He had to stay strong so you could express your emotions openly. He was ready for the relapses of the judgment of meeting him. He was ready for you to scream at him to get away. He was ready to soak up all the resentment of associating with him. </p>
<p>If you never met him. If you just kept the jacket. If you just never came into that cafe that day. He was ready for you to tell him you wished you never met him. </p>
<p>It would hurt. Of course, it would. But he was the one who signed up for this. He <em>chose</em> to go into this profession. You didn't.</p>
<p>If you had never met him, you would still be safe. You would still be the girl who worked a regular job in the tech industry and not the girl whose life was put in immediate danger and was exposed online both physically and emotionally.</p>
<p>His thoughts were eating him up from the inside out.</p>
<p>He didn't want to be forgotten or cast away in all honestly, he didn't want you to tell him to leave.</p>
<p>He doesn't regret spilling the coffee all over your nice blouse that day. It was the best day of his life. If it weren't for that day, he wouldn't have met you.</p>
<p>He wouldn't have gotten to see your sleepy eyes in the morning, or the late-night conversations where the two of you would talk about your days. He wouldn't have been able to sit at the kitchen table and watch you carefully cutting up fruit for breakfast with such a concentrated face. He wouldn't have been able to lay on the floor and spend hours staring up at the make-shift night sky the two of you created together.</p>
<p>He wouldn't have been able to fall in love.</p>
<p>In love with the way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you're sitting at your computer. In love with the way you pick the left side of the couch to sit and read because it's furthest from the windows and you enjoy seeing the rays of light that shine through the window move slowly across the apartment. In love with the way you make silly faces at him in the mirror when both of you brush your teeth together. In love with waking up every day waiting to see your smile and the crinkle around your eyes when you're laughing. He's just so in love with you.</p>
<p>It was like his future flashed through his mind at that moment when he realized.</p>
<p>He saw late nights where you'd wait up for him with a cup of tea and a quiet, "Welcome home." He saw early mornings in bed where your hair is sprawled on the pillows and the tip of your nose red because you kicked off the blanket sometime during the night. He saw dancing in the kitchen at three am with the moonlight illuminating the two of you like a spotlight. He saw soft touches and his hands slowly traveling down your sides, fingertips tracing the soft curves of your body. He saw the kisses shared throughout the day. He saw laughter and love in an apartment that never really felt like home until you came and filled the empty spaces that bugged him with plants and books and picture frames of the life he desperately wanted to have with you.</p>
<p>He's in love with you.</p>
<p>God, is he in love with you.</p>
<p>But if you told him to leave. Told him you regret meeting him. Told him to never speak to you again. He would listen. </p>
<p>It would hurt.</p>
<p>But if you asked him to.</p>
<p>He would.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I very much teared up while writing this.<br/>I also listened to "Mr. Loverman" on repeat while writing this so that may also be why I got all teary-eyed.</p>
<p>Come say hello on social media, sometimes I'm funny!<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I hope everyone's week is going well so far!!<br/>I hope you enjoy this chapter and I would just like to say that I have a beta reader now!!<br/>Her name is Daniella and I would really like to thank her for helping me edit this chapter.</p><p>I accidentally posted my tumblr post announcing this chapter is updated bc i don’t know how to schedule posts correctly 🙃</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Breakfast was a quiet affair. Reid picked at his peach cup and stayed pretty quiet while everyone talked amongst themselves. It was worrying in all honesty. He had clearly lost weight. The hollows of his cheeks seemed more prominent as the team studied him with a worried gaze. Morgan tries to get him to eat more of the breakfast sandwich he was able to get his hands on in the hospital cafeteria, but Reid just gives a tight-lipped smile and takes a few more bites of it before discarding it on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Prentiss and Morgan are called back into the office to finish up some paperwork. Only Garcia and Spencer stay, Garcia having refused to leave and JJ hadn’t even bothered to call Spencer. The two sit quietly after they leave, it's a bit awkward but Spencer is glad he isn't alone again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia quietly works on her laptop as Spencer sits unspeaking at your bedside with his hand intertwined with yours once again. It is around then your fingers twitch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Y-Y/N?" Spencer says quietly, he's halfway out of his seat and Garica immediately abandons her laptop and is next to him in seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights make it practically impossible for you to open your eyes. It feels as if you were asleep for only a few seconds, but god… those few seconds. Memories of what had happened flooded back in those few seconds in a hazy daze. It was intertwined with dreams you think. It felt real. It gave you whiplash. Memories of being strapped down onto the disgusting bed by a man in a ski mask, to Spencer coming home with a new plant for you to dote over. The man stabbing your arm repetitively, to Garcia gushing on and on about how Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off of you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can faintly hear people talking, but you were just... so tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As scary as it sounds, if the person who took you killed you, you didn't want the last thing you see to be his eyes. You want to see Spencer. Just Spencer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A busybody who just can't sit still. Spencer who stays up with you when you have a tough time falling asleep. Spencer who has impossible hair that won't sit properly but ends up looking boyish and cute. Spencer who presses his nose against your neck when you're on the couch with him cuddling. Spencer who kisses your forehead every morning and night. Spencer with the impossibly pretty eyes you see when you close your eyes for a moment of salvation while the man who took you stabs yet another needle into your arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warbled voices float in through one ear and out the other and you pay no attention to it, too tired to fight back, too tired to even move a muscle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Spencer," you choke out, your voice rough and quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment his name is called, Spencer's up on his feet, toppling over the chair he sat on and squeezing your hand in hopes that your eyes would finally open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Y/N? Can you hear me?" He replies, his voice raw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can hear him. He seems so close. Do you dare open your eyes?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels as if your brain is mudding the lines of reality and fantasy. The pressure on your hand feels different, not like the leather bracelet that was wrapped around your wrist. This was warm. Like a warm hand wrapped around yours. Were you saved? Are those the noises you hear? People talking not the radio that played behind the wall? Someone was holding your hand, not the cold feeling of the restraints?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly. Slowly and carefully, you peel your eyes open to be met with bright white lights above you. It makes it difficult to see and your ears are ringing, it makes your brain hurt like it is trying to escape through your skull. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights are immediately dimmed making it way easier for you to open your eyes. A ceiling you've never seen before is the first thing you see. And the first thing you hear is the annoying sound of beeping that won't stop. You squint trying to find the noise and your eyes land on Garcia. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope Garcia.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately tears spring from your eyes and you're sobbing uncontrollably. Choked sobs escape your lips and Garcia is closer to you and smiling softly as your shoulders shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The weight on your hand stops you from bringing it up to your face to wipe the tears running down your face and your eyes dart over to it to see what's stopping you from moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer Reid with his hand in yours. Tears are falling from his eyes, the moment you see the tracks down his face another wave of emotion threatens to break free from your chest. Your eyesight begins to blur as you feel the familiar sting tugging behind your eyes. You can't stop yourself now. There is no more hiding the fact that you were sobbing. He has seen it. There is no more going back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How are you feeling?" He chokes out as he gives your hand a squeeze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You're only able to squeak out a quiet, "Spencer." in between the sobs. You're desperately trying to sit up, wanting to wrap his arms around you to feel something but it feels as if you're just thrashing your limbs about. Words refuse to come out of your mouth, you can't form proper sentences, too overwhelmed to speak. Instead, you're repeating his name over and over and crying uncontrollably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer was something you never thought you'd see again. After being there for so long, you thought that was it. The only way to be able to get out of that place was dying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's torn about whether or not to come closer. He wants to take you into his arms and whisper words of reassurance into your hair. The pained look on your face stops him from doing it. In his mind, this was your way of telling him to leave. His mind had already made the decision hours ago, he didn't want to hurt you anymore, but it pains him to see you like this, calling out for him and Spencer just watching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Spencer." You say, sniffling and trying to move your arm again, but at most your fingers twitch, "Please."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He retracts his hand as if he's been burnt. He takes it the wrong way. The please that left your mouth sounds like you're telling him to stop and it breaks his heart as he's pulling away. When it comes to things like this, sometimes the right answer is to pull away. Let the victim wallow in their sadness for a while and help when they ask for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The loss of contact causes you to choke on your tears once again and you're squeezing your eyes shut trying to move. Trying to reach out to him again and take his hand. Take his hand. Do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your hand lays still, moving only a fraction and Spencer looks sullen, a frown that he isn't hiding very well. But he stays and chews on his bottom lip as he wipes away the tears forming in his eyes as Garcia frantically presses the nurse button.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer gave you hope while you were tied down, giving you the strength to keep going, now it seemed like the two of you were strangers once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you didn't say something now, everything the two of you worked on would disappear in an instant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you didn't do something now things would be irreparable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Spencer," You say, your throat throbbing, "I want... I want to hold your hand." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks hesitant though, glancing over at you and fiddling with his fingers before he's gently wrapping his hand around yours once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile forms on your lips as your eyes shut again, tears spilling out from the corners and trying to give his hand a squeeze. It must have gotten the point across because he's grabbing the chair that toppled over with his free hand and sitting back down, tightening his grip on your hand as you silently cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next time you open your eyes, the first thing you see is Spencer's head resting on the edge of the bed. The next thing you see is Prentiss quietly reading over paperwork on the couch. You try your best to speak up but your throat is dry, with all your effort you aren’t even able to drag a sound out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your limbs are still heavy and you don't want to disturb Spencer from his nap. The next best thing you can think of is wrinkling your nose in hopes that Prentiss looks over and notices your open eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It honestly takes a while for her to notice. When she finally does see it, her eyes are wide and she's stumbling over herself to pour a glass of water for you. You hope that she didn't wake Reid. Things were weird between the both of you and you didn't want to add to it at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss helps you take a few sips of water and she's smiling as she puts the cup back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Want me to wake him for you?" She whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. Let hi..him sleep." You reply hoarsely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lull in the conversation happens and it isn't unwelcomed, but it made you uncomfortable. It has been so long since you've heard another person's voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ho-How long?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A  few weeks, give or take." She replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few weeks? It felt like a century.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Reid?" you whisper</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A mess." She whispers back, "Stayed in the office the entire time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing this, you can't help but begin to cry once again. You thought all your tears dried up while you were held as a prisoner, but you’re proved  wrong once again. It was exhausting being captive, exhausting shedding tears that could have been prevented, exhausting being a burden on everyone. You didn’t ever want to feel this way ever again and couldn’t put this hurt on Spencer. He had already gone through enough in his lifetime, you didn’t want to add your mess of a life on top of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of Spencer's name woke him. He wasn't really sleeping honestly. He hasn't had a proper sleep in weeks. It felt wrong to be eavesdropping, but he didn't want to interrupt the conversation. He could hear you crying again, it made him desperately want to wrap his arms around you and wipe away the tears streaming down your face, but he held back, too afraid that he would be hurting you rather than helping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss is the one to grab a few tissues and help wipe away the tears and he was grateful that she was there to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I hate to ask this of you right now, but we need to know everything you know about what happened." She whispers, quietly taking the empty seat across from where Spencer sat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's quiet for a while, and Spencer thinks it's too bad that you can't even talk about it until he hears your quiet voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The man had green eyes. He... wore a ski mask. I d-don't know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss is silent, quietly urging you on to keep going. Whatever you were able to talk about right now would help the investigation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He picked me up in a cab... and he hit my head with the back of his gun and the next thing I knew I was s-strapped down to a bed. He would stick IV's into my arm and I would always close my eyes when he did it... I saw Spencer... a lot. In my head."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed shifts a bit, and he can hear the quiet sniffles and a shaky sigh come from your lips before you continue. "I-I don't know... He always had a ski mask on... he never spoke. He didn't.... do anything... I was scared though... I felt vulnerable..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss nods, smiling sadly and gently placing a reassuring hand on your arm. It makes your skin crawl honestly. Prentiss notices the shift in demeanor and her hand retracts before flipping through her files and showing you pictures of potential unsubs. It makes your head hurt, trying to remember what he even remotely looked like the one time you saw him in the cafe, it felt like it had been so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I-I don't know Emily. I can't remember..." You mumble, exasperated. You just wanted to sleep a bit more, but Emily just looked desperate so you entertained her questions, "The guy had a beard. Patchy... He... He looked around thirty. He smelled like gasoline sometimes and he... he would sit in the room and..." The pained look on your face gets Prentiss to place her hand on yours as an act of reassurance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Prentiss listens to you cry once again, she wipes your tears away before tucking the photos back into her folder and smiling sadly, "We're gonna have to ask you again later down the line, but for now, just focus on getting better. When Spencer wakes up, tell him if he needs anything we're all at the office and to just call."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod your head and watch as Emily grabs the rest of her things and waves goodbye to you before slipping out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know you're awake." You say after a while, gathering all the strength you can muster and squeezing Spencer's hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid lifts his head and gives your hand a soft squeeze. It was then you really take a good look at him for the first time in a while. The eye bags under his eyes are the first thing you notice. Then it's the lack of color in his cheeks. Then it's how his cheeks have concaved a bit from lack of eating most likely, you did have to remind him a lot of the time to eat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stays quiet though, his thumb gently rubbing small circles onto your hand. He looks absolutely broken. Something you never thought you'd see on his face. Even though he had a small smile on his face, you just knew it wasn't genuine. Something was eating him up on the inside and he didn't want to speak about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lock eyes with him and smile, the corner of your lips raising into a private smile meant just for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm home." You whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment he hears the words, he's silently crying and raising your hand to his lips and peppering soft kisses onto the skin, to the knuckles, to your wrist. His shoulders shake as he's crying and yours are too. Tears flowed freely between the both of you for the first time since reuniting. Crying with each other, not for each other. Tears of salvation, tears of frustration, tears of missing. All of it. Everything Spencer's held back for the past few weeks is flowing out and you're crying with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a while but he's smiling once again. A real smile. It warms your heart and reassures you that everything would be okay with you and him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks at you with such kind eyes and the feeling of his lips on your knuckles makes your skin tingle. The hurt and worry from his face were washed away with his tears, and now you're left with the same Spencer you saw when you closed your eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Spencer who tries to cook for you when you're busy. The one who lets you tuck your feet under his thigh because they're cold. The one who looks at you with so much love in his eyes that it makes you feel like the only person in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Welcome home"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a while for you to even be able to sit up on your own. The length of your tox screen was crushing. Finding out that you were broadcasted to porn sites had you trying to scrub your skin raw. It made you sob into your hands and scream bloody murder, tearing your throat up to shreds once again. Spencer was right next to you the entire time, keeping a warm hand in yours and taking everything in stride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your soul feels beaten and buried for a while, it still does. Your hands shake and you're irritable demanding that you get something for the phantom pains on your body. Yelling at whoever enters the room to check on you. It makes you feel terrible and you cry a lot. Spencer stays still. Hand on your back when you're hunched over and vomiting. Hand caressing your head when you're numbly staring out the windows watching the white clouds float by, taunting you. Soft kisses to your knuckles when you're asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were a long way from being yourself again. Even though you were safe once again, there was no more going back to how it used to be. There would always be a lingering feeling of restraints around your wrists. An ache in your bones that would never go away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, you're well enough to return home now that the worst part of the withdrawals was done. Spencer took it as a big accomplishment and the day you're supposed to leave, he shows up with balloons and flowers. It makes you smile and you're laughing at the silly party hat that sat on top of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look ridiculous." You say as he helps you into a wheelchair. Apparently, it was protocol, all in-patients were required to sit in a wheelchair upon departure. As much as you wanted to walk out of the hospital on your own, you were grateful for the thing, walking was tough. Anything physical was difficult in all honesty. You had lost quite a lot of muscle mass in the past few weeks and it made it difficult to even lift your arms sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn't say anything, but he does pull out a matching party hat from his bag and places it on your head once you're settled in the chair. "Now we both look ridiculous."  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It genuinely makes you laugh as he wheels you out of the room and down the hall. Nurses wave you off and kind smiles and thank you's are exchanged. You hear them whisper about how much better you seemed and also the very nice man who spent every waking moment with you. It was nice. It made your heart seize. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid had gotten a lot better as well. The two of you would eat meals together to keep each other accountable, and he began gaining the weight he had lost quickly and the color returned to his cheeks. It was a bit tougher for you though, but Reid would smile at you and you'd forget about the slow progress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Progress was good, whether it was slow or not. Reid had told you that one night when you were hunched over the toilet emptying your stomach of dinner. You had eaten too much too fast and the moment you finished eating you quickly asked Reid to help you to the bathroom. He stayed and rubbed your back and held your hair. Wiping away the tears forming around your eyes when you were finished vomiting with his thumbs and pressing a soft kiss to your temple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, you were gaining your weight back. You were able to keep food down and didn't need constant supervision or help maneuvering around all that much. It was a blessing. Oh, how you did miss being able to walk around without someone constantly waiting for you to fall over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The automatic doors push open and for the first time in a while, you feel the sunlight on your face and it makes you smile. A genuine smile. You're lucky Spencer couldn't see your face right now, he would most definitely stop and kneel in front of you if he saw the tears falling from your eyes. But you were just so happy. Happy that you were finally out of the hospital. Happy that things were okay with Reid. Happy that you were alive.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!</p><p>Daniella's AO3: @fangirl0715<br/>Daniella's tumblr: @supergeekfangirl</p><p>My social media:<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mondaay!! Hello! I hope everyone has a fantastic week and I hope you enjoy this chapter!</p><p>Thank you Daniella for helping me edit and helping me put out the best possible chapter I can while also telling me about Canadian geese and how they have no fear. ✨</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Spencer doesn't like driving.  He does it when he absolutely has to, but in all honesty, if he had to pick between walking or driving, he would choose to walk. This is the first time you see him behind the wheel. He looks like a natural really, but you can sense the nervousness the moment he pulls into traffic. You stare out of the window and watch the buildings pass by, slowly turning into your neighborhood. It was so nice to be able to see it, the mailbox at the end of the street, the chalk drawings on the sidewalk, even the ratty old couch that someone left out on the curb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The apartment looks the same. You are glad to see someone had come by every once in a while to water Snooter, he looks healthy and it even seems like he grew a couple of inches. As Spencer gently sets down his things along with a bag of yours, you slowly make your way to check on Snooter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you water him while I was gone?" You ask. You can feel Spencer's gaze on you, probably watching to make sure you don't collapse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hospital stay was long, pair that with the extended hours you spent laying down, it was no surprise that your muscles had atrophied. While at the hospital, it was determined that physical therapy was the way to get your muscles back to where they were before the whole situation. It was excruciating at times, and there were plenty of moments where you felt as if your muscles were being torn apart. In the end all the pain was worth it, as you were now able to move around a lot more freely. You were grateful of course, but having to make time in your day to day life to keep it up was bothersome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer helped a lot in the hospital. He would keep a steady hand on your hip when it looked like you were going to topple over. Reassuring touches, soft glances and a sneaky kiss to your temple when your physical therapist wasn't looking to keep you motivated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The team did actually. They would come around a few times a week and check on the place. I heavily suspect Garcia created a visitation chart for Snooter." He says, walking over and taking a look at the plant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll have to thank them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer nods, his hand finding its way to your hip and gently pressing a kiss to your temple before pulling away and heading towards the kitchen to make a snack to share. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances over at you from time to time while he's spreading peanut butter on some celery. You had migrated towards the couch and had taken a seat, the blanket he had set out a while ago wrapped around your legs and a book from the coffee table had found its way to your hands. The scene played like something he had imagined after finally realizing that he loved you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The soft look on your face while you read quietly, curled up on the couch and the sun just highlighting his most favorite parts of your face. Cheekbones, nose, lips. God, your lips. He wants to take your hands in his and slide his hands up your arms, slowly, caressing your cheek with his fingertips and press his lips against yours, slowly slotting into yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly shakes his head and clears his throat, returning his focus on what he's doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now was not the time to think things like that. Things are just returning back to some sort of normalcy and he couldn't risk losing you again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When you had first woken up, just the sight of you so broken and beat down crushed him. When you called his name out, it felt as if you were telling him to stop. When you pleaded, it felt as if you were pleading </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stop. He didn't ever want to make you feel as if you didn't have a choice in this. That's why he retracted his hand. That's why he put up a facade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you didn't talk about it afterward, the miscommunication that is. There was no formal discussion, it was just watery smiles and the feeling of your hand in his. After you had called him your home that was all he needed to reassure him that he was okay, that being with you was okay. It was unspoken.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The least spoken thing about this whole experience was </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span> to recover. Everyone says you'll get better, that you're strong, but they never tell you how, what was the right way of doing this? The doctors and nurses can provide services that help physical ailments and refer you to psychologists and support groups, but they don't outwardly speak about how to get better. There are no definitive answers and it drives you mad for awhile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are days where you sat in the armchair by the window saying absolutely nothing and watching the cars drive by. There are days where you can’t rise from bed and you ask Spencer to lay next to you while you sob into his chest. Days where you do nothing productive and spend the rest of the night trying to make up for the lost time. There are nights where you’re screaming in your sleep and Spencer wastes no time rushing to calm you. Nights where you pace back and forth throughout the apartment just because you can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are days where the sun just feels so nice against your skin. Days where you can't wait to walk to the grocery store with Spencer to see the new plants for sale. Nights where you and Spencer lay on your backs creating new constellations with silly names. Days where Spencer lays his head in your lap while you read a new book he picked out for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> It takes you awhile, but you finally get a grasp on what recovery really is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes recovery is sitting in bed with Reid and eating double chocolate chip cookies with milk, laughing at the milk mustaches on each other's upper lip, and telling terrible jokes. Other days it’s scrubbing your skin raw in the bath while Spencer sits on the bathroom floor reminding you that skin cells regenerate between two weeks to a month and the feeling of being dirty won’t last forever. That you’ll be scrubbed clean of the past and eventually it’ll become a distant memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it's nights where you're feeling broken and sobbing in the middle of your bathroom because you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and thought about how many people have seen your bare skin. Other times it's Spencer trying to cook and accidentally setting lunch on fire, making you laugh until you can't breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It is a rollercoaster of days where you feel not enough and way too much. Days where you feel empty and proceed to not move from your bed. Days that you feel like you could do anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that's recovery. A mess of emotions wrapped up in a person that feels too much and not enough. Jagged edges and smooth curves. Getting hurt all over again to feel something. Picking at the open wound until it's bloody and clean, until all the debris is out and it slowly begins to heal. Rubbing at raw skin to create scars that will slowly fade away on your skin over time. Knowing that you won’t be able to control how you get better, but trusting that you will and not letting the scars determine your future. That’s recovery.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan ends up at the doorstep with Garcia in tow one night. You just finished eating dinner when someone knocks on the door. Spencer's immediately on his feet and checking the peephole. It doesn't bother you much, you're doing great and are able to see other people, but Spencer seems hesitant about letting them in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who is it?" You say as you begin clearing the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Morgan and Garcia." He replies, sighing and undoing the chain along with the deadbolt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair are all smiles when they push through the doorway, Morgan at least acknowledges Spencer, a quick hello and pat on the shoulder. Garcia on the other hand walks right past him and walks straight into your arms for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Penn! I-I'm gonna get food on you, I-I'm holding dinner plates." You quickly say, trying to pull away from the hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't caaare, I missed you so much." She replies, tightening her embrace and it makes you smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not like I mind seeing the both of you without any particular reason... But is there a particular reason why you're here?" You ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia sighs happily as she's snuggling closer to you, clearly too preoccupied in the cuddle to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan's the one to reply, a big smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Spencer's shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We're here to pick you up!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look on Spencer's face gives it away. You just knew that there was something going on, and Spencer wanted no part of it. He crinkles up his nose and sighs quietly. He probably thinks you won't be able to hear it, but he isn't as slick as he thinks he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Pick us up? And go where exactly?" You say as Garcia finally pulls away from the embrace, she takes the plates out of your hands, depositing them into the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now dear, that is a secret. But there is no getting out of it. It is a very special time, now come on, let's get you dressed." She says, taking your hand and dragging you to your bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Like Garcia said, no getting out of it Pretty Boy," Morgan says as he's clapping Spencer's back a few times before nudging him towards his own room to change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Spencer knew what was going on. He didn't really want to go, but it was unfair to the team that he kept you as long as he has. With reluctance, he's off to his room to change into something more appropriate. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a while, Garcia's boisterous laugh is heard throughout the apartment while Derek and Spencer sit out on the couch catching up about what Spencer's missed while on leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He misses it, work that is. As much as he loves working and helping, he found himself not ready to return. He wants more time with you. He wants to be able to have some sort of predictability in his days, he found himself thinking about different areas of work he can get into. He didn't talk about it to anyone though, they are just ideas he gets in his head when you smile at him, but for sometime he seriously considers it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushes those feelings down though, locked away deep in his heart, unable to really come to terms of leaving the BAU just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s a bit lost in his thoughts when the door to your bedroom finally opens and Garcia steps out with a flourish and announcing, "The guest of honor, Y/N".</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You hesitantly step out, the sound of your heels clicking on the hardwood. The dress you are wearing had been shoved in the back of your closet. You bought it on a whim really, wanting to feel the complete financial freedom from when Cole was officially out of your life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a few days after moving in with Spencer actually, he was out on a case and you were taking a stroll downtown when it caught your eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A simple black dress with a sweetheart neckline that fell just above the knees with an exposed back. The sleeves of the dress were made of lace, a swirly romantic looking pattern with ruffles at the end of it. Something you never thought you'd actually wear but found yourself gravitating towards. But the moment you bought it you realized you weren’t quite sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>when</span>
  </em>
  <span> to wear something this nice and it ended up hidden behind your typical attire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia had pulled it out when she began rifling through your things, a giddy smile on her face and demanding that you put it on. You were a bit hesitant, you haven't shown this much skin to the public since the incident. It would be a really big step to you, but to outsiders, it would just be a dress for a night out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garcia gives you a soft smile, cupping your cheeks with her hands and reassuring you, "It's just us, no one else. You are a warrior with a heart of gold and we are merely your humble servants tonight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This makes you laugh, a full-hearted laugh that brings tears to your eyes. Garcia's right there engulfing you in a warm hug before she's wiping away stray tears that had fallen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you get the dress on, Garcia's pulling out make-up from her bag and setting it all down onto the small vanity you had. Being pampered like this was foreign to you, sure you tried to look your best at times, but the amount of work that Garcia's doing at the moment was something you didn't do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She distracts you from the weird feeling of the eyeliner being applied to your waterline by chatting your ear off. She talks about the ride over and how cute Derek looks in his nice dress shirt, new videos of cute puppies she saw the other day, what she had for breakfast, anything that came to her mind really, and before you knew it, she was finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn't apply much, just enough to look put together and to bring out your eyes and the fullness in your lips, even highlighting how healthy you look now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hair is simple, a few waves of a curler through your hair, and a few pins has your hair in a half up half down style. The finishing touch though was one of the roses Garcia had in her own hair. She delicately pulls it out of her own hair before placing it into yours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan whistles when he sees you, applauding Garcia for her work. Spencer's silent beside Derek, his eyes trying to take in the sight in front of him as quickly as possible as if it's something he wouldn't see again. He wants to memorize the way your hair frames your face, the way your cheeks are rosy, and how you look so alive, so happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ends up getting elbowed in the side by Morgan and his cheeks turn red as he's stumbling over his words to compliment how you look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You end up blushing and smiling back at the blubbering mess he is and at that moment, he falls in love with you all over again.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I would like to thank Daniella for beta reading and helping me edit!! </p><p>I also would like to thank you!! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and giving kudos. It really means a lot and I love reading your comments after every update. </p><p>Daniella's AO3: @fangirl0715<br/>Daniella's tumblr: @supergeekfangirl</p><p>My social media:<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello hello hello!!<br/>Happy Thursday everyone, I hope everyone is doing swell and I hope that you enjoy this chapter!</p><p>Also thank you to Daniella who is my wonderful beta reader, who helps me put out the best possible chapter I can!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You expected to go somewhere like a fancy restaurant, maybe even a bar, what you didn't expect was Rossi's house. To be fair, his place is fancier than any restaurant you could have gone to, with the grand foyer and the sheer size of the place it’s nice enough to be considered a hotel. You could get lost in the place and end up having to call someone to come get you. When Morgan just pushes the door open and walks straight in, along with Garcia and even Reid, it makes you question how many times they have been here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Spencer notices you not moving from the threshold he tells the other two to go on ahead before he's walking back and offering you his arm. He offers you a soft smile as your arm finds its way around his and he slowly begins to walk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you're not feeling up to this right now, we can totally sneak out and no one would notice." He whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that's what he's doing. He usually didn't walk this slow, and it had made you suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We can't get out of it now, Morgan </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Garcia already saw us bub." You whisper back, earning a snort from Spencer and a little nose wrinkle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay what about this, we stay for maybe an hour, two tops, then we sneak out and wander around Rossi's house for the rest of the night."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer looks down at you with a hopeful look and you're laughing as you pass a staircase leading upstairs. Sure you were curious to see how big exactly this place was, but it felt wrong to be snooping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"....Maybe," You reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the two of you reach the backyard, everyone is gathered around a table, animatedly chatting with each other.  The moment Garcia lays her eyes on you, she's up from her seat and cheering, the rest of the team follows her line of sight to see you and Spencer lingering around the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We could leave right now," He whispers, "We could just walk back outside and get a head start on walking home."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A laugh escapes your lips and you shake your head, gently squeezing Spencer's arm and pulling him along. He's hesitant at first, but eventually, he falls in step with you. The stairs down to where the rest of the team is are a bit rough to navigate. When you finally get down, Garcia's right there, taking your arm and leaving Spencer behind with a shout, "I'm borrowing her lover boy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer blushes a bit from that and watches as Garcia whisks you away. He sees how your hair bounces around your shoulders and the way your dress hugs you in the right places and the sight of your back. He clears his throat before he's following behind, waving at Rossi and Hotch, keeping an eye on you being dragged around by Garica. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew you were okay, they were your friends too, but he just couldn't stop looking at you. The entire time you were being passed around by Garcia, being complimented and making small talk, his attention would be brought back to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ends up making the rounds as well, saying hello to Hotch and Prentiss. Luckily, he isn’t trapped into a conversation about what he has been up to since his absence and he continues to say hello to everyone. By the time he had finished greeting everyone, his social battery was already running pretty low. It couldn’t have been more than a few hours at best, but he was ready to just sit down at the table and pick at the desserts that were laid out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, they were also his friends and he loved them, but there aren't enough common interests that could keep a conversation going. He liked things that aren’t typically easy interests. He could go on and on about how Chaucer’s depiction of society as corrupt and in moral decline in The Canterbury tales could be easily posited as a mirroring of today's society. But he knew his friends, they would not find as much interest in this as he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finally is able to slip away and sit at the abandoned table, Rossi follows, taking a seat right next to him and quietly sipping on his wine. It seems like you were busy with Prentiss gushing over how good you looked, so he has no reason to get away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She looks especially lovely tonight Reid," Rossi says, "You sure are lucky."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi was right, he was lucky. Lucky to even be able to be in your life, to see the sparkle in your eyes slowly returning up close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I do consider myself lucky." He replies, watching as Derek takes your hand, while Garcia demands you spin to show off the dress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you are dating then?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Spencer had a drink, he'd most definitely be choking right now. Dating? Was that what people thought? Sure, he loves you, but it was never really discussed. He was pretty sure you liked him at the very least but dating? That was just never a thing that came up between the both of you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"N-No, we're... we're not really- no" He replies, his hand undoing his tie a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi seems very confused but he doesn't say anything quite yet. Instead, he takes another sip of his wine and watches as JJ takes Will's hands and begins to slow dance to the music playing in the background, and everyone following suit, getting into partners and laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stand awkwardly watching as everyone gets into pairs, for a while Garcia and Morgan slow dance with you and it's a bit awkward so you end up taking a seat at a nearby bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi notices you break away and softly clears his throat to get Reid's attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Even if you aren't dating, or if you haven't talked about it. It doesn't invalidate the feelings or the chemistry the two of you have together. Go dance with her, or take her for a walk or something, it is technically her day, and in the words of one Penelope Garica, we are merely her humble servants tonight and we wouldn't be doing a good job if she's all by herself."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid watches as the team tries to get you back on your feet, offering to dance with you, but you politely deny, probably telling them you're tired or need a break. Hotch even tries but he's denied as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer tightens his tie again and fixes his suit jacket, taking a deep breath and saying, "Wish me luck". Rossi ends up tipping his wine glass as a sign of good luck as Spencer makes his way over to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Spencer gets halfway, you notice him. You give him a smile and a small wave and he smiles back, you expected him to ask you to dance. He probably noticed that you refused everyone and honestly, you were waiting for him to come to ask you. You loved the team and are grateful that they included you in the dancing, but all you really wanted to do was hang out with Reid whether it was to dance or just sit around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you... Do you want to go for a walk?" He says, catching you off guard, his hand reaching out for yours. His hands were shaking a bit, and you can tell he was blushing even under the dim lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure, that would be nice." You respond, taking his hand in yours and interlocking your fingers with his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you head off, walking further away from the group and down a path. As the path takes you further and further away from the crowd, you notice Reid relaxing more and more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you dance with anyone?” He asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”I did dance, a three-way slow dance actually which means I danced the most out of all of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer smiles, shaking his head as he brings your hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “I don’t really think that counts as dancing Y/N.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow the path leads you into a pavilion with string lights illuminating it. The sound of music is faint and you can just barely hear everyone laughing and having fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure it counts. Plus, I... didn’t really want to dance with anyone who asked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer gulps, leaning against the sturdy railing and pulling you in closer. It’s quiet for a while and the two of you stare out towards the party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look up at him and see his face is turned away from you, but you can faintly see the red cheeks and the nervous look on his face. A smile creeps up onto your face as you lean in closer to him and hum along quietly to the music. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes him a while, but he finally is able to spit it out. He clears his throat and turns a bit to look you in the eyes when he asks, “Can- I mean, uh... Do you want to dance? With me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was waiting all night for you to ask me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You can tell he’s nervous. You were also nervous, you thought if you acted like you weren’t it’d get Spencer to calm down a bit so he could enjoy himself, and it seemed to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at you, a soft smile as he pulls away and takes his place in the middle of the pavilion. While you make your way over to him, he takes in the sight of you. He wants to burn this sight of you into his brain. He never wants to forget the thumping in his chest and everything at this exact moment. He extends a hand out to you, and you take it, his other hand sliding onto your hip and yours resting on his bicep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a bit awkward at first, nervous glances down at your feet and mumbling apologies to each other when feet are stepped on but eventually, the two of you fall into a rhythm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The apologies eventually turn to laughter and fond smiles. Laughing into his chest when he misses a step and kisses to your temple when you accidentally step on his shoes. Slow dancing to songs that aren’t typically made for slow dancing made the two of you dissolve into laughter. Flushed cheeks and teary eyes from laughter as Spencer attempts to dip you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually his hands are on your waist, pulling you in closer and your arms wrapped around his neck loosely. From here you can see the lights sparkling in his eyes and it reminds you of the stars in the sky. It was like he was made from starlight, born from atoms of light elements undergoing pressure to create something so beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer’s lips twitch up into a smile before he’s pressing a kiss to your forehead. As the two of you sway slowly back and forth the music selection changes into something more appropriate for slow dancing without either you or Spencer noticing. His full attention is on how beautiful you look under the lights and how wonderful it would be to call you his.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You only stay with me in the morning. You only hold me when I sleep. And I was meant to tread the water but now I’ve gotten in too deep.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The weight of your head resting against his chest warms him. A comforting feeling that he has gotten used to since being together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say it before, but uh... You look really beautiful.” He whispers, gently giving your hips a squeeze, “I couldn’t find the courage to tell you back at home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you. You look very handsome in your suit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer's confidence rises. Maybe Rossi was right. Maybe you did have feelings for him too. He tries to bring it up, the dating thing, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment. He wants to keep dancing with you, trying to memorize every single thing that was happening. Memorize the feeling of you in his arms, memorize how the breeze picks up a bit, and how it blows your hair around a bit. He wants to memorize the look in your eyes when you were looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You already waited up for hours just to spend a little time alone with me."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer's hesitant but he rests his head against yours, pressing a soft kiss to your hair and his thumbs slowly move up and down. The feeling of it makes you shiver, bringing you closer to him and smiling shyly when you hear his heart thumping in your ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants nothing more than to tell you how much you mean to him. He wants to know how it feels to be able to call you his. He wants you to know how his heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest when your lips touch his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I never thought that I'd love someone, that was someone else's dream."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Right before the swell of the music, Spencer pulls away. His hands make their way into yours and he's smiling nervously. Gathering enough courage to tell you, tell you how he really feels about you. You wait for him, a reassuring smile on your face. You knew how Spencer liked to think about what he wanted to say, he was calculated like that, his brain never really allowing him to spout off the first thing that came to mind when it came to his feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hands begin to clam up, the sensation doesn’t help him and only makes him feel more awkward. Instead of focusing on that, he finds himself staring into your eyes. His eyes occasionally flick down to your lips, but he’s so enamored with your eyes that he can’t speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a person who can read so much so quickly, he has no idea what to say. He's read thousands upon thousands of romantic declarations, poems, journal entries, but he can't find the right words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Can't find the right words to tell you how he wants to wake up next to you for the rest of his life. How he wants to give you kisses when you least expect it. How he can picture the two of you sitting in rocking chairs and reading each other poetry and fantasy novels when you and he are all wrinkly and old.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Cause you give me something that makes me scared alright, this could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try. Please give me something."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of words, he takes a step closer. His hands slowly travel up your arms, the feeling of the lace intoxicated him and encouraged him to keep going. Warmth. His hands cupping your cheeks, thumbs softly caressing your skin. The faint sound of trumpets and violins serenade the both of you as Spencer closes the distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The climax in the song is deafened by the feeling of his lips on yours. A slow tentative kiss. Testing the waters out before pulling away a bit with a shaky breath. At first, he thinks he messed up until you're taking hold of his suit lapels and pulling him closer for another kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, there is no hesitation, lips slotting with his and pulling each other in closer. A languid kiss that picks up with urgency. It felt as if the two of you were spinning, the world around you fading into a blur of nothingness. He tasted faintly like sparkling cider and cinnamon and it made you want to taste nothing else but him from then on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling away from the kiss was difficult now that he's gotten a taste of it, he can't wait to give you another, and another. The shy smile and the smudged lipstick are rewards enough. He watches as you gently bite down on your bottom lip, watching the tip of your tongue dart out a bit to lick your upper lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even under the dim lights, he can see the blush on your cheeks, he probably wasn't better off. He can feel the tips of his ears all warm and he probably has your lipstick on his own lips now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without even second-guessing himself, he blurts it out, "I love you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had hoped it would be more romantic, a little more well-rehearsed, but it just seems like it was right this way. An unexpected declaration of love for someone who walked right into his life by accident. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes widen at the sudden declaration, and you're speechless, the color in your cheeks darkening. Spencer waits, praying you'd return the words, tell him how you feel. Something really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer clears his throat, trying to backpedal the situation, clean up his mess, and make sure nothing is ruined between the two of you. If you didn't love him that way, he'd at least be able to be friends with you. "You uh... don't have to say anything. It can be taken as friends honestly..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as you hear the words leave his lips, you're inserting yourself into the conversation he was probably already planning in his head, "and I love you, Spencer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's his turn to be struck quiet. The words he never really thought he'd hear come from anyone's lips. But here you are, telling him. Seeing through the ruse he was already concocting in his brain and immediately shutting it down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Y-You love me too?" He whispers. His hands shake as he reaches out for your hands, but a watery smile is on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I do." You say, meeting him halfway and intertwining your fingers. His laugh fills the air and the next thing you know, his arms around your waist and he's twirling you around. Instinctively, your arms wrap around his neck and you're laughing as Spencer spins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The surroundings turn into a blur of twinkling lights, it was like you were transported to a little part of the night sky the two of you created together miles and miles away from your apartment. It felt like Spencer was teeming with the universe in his body. Information spilling from his brain and being able to touch a soul in the right ways, turning those lost souls into something special and returning them into the night sky. You are eternally grateful to be able to see the universe in his eyes and even be touched by his kindness, finding a place in the stars with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finally sets you down, his lips are on yours again. Soft short kisses in between the laughter and private smiles. You counted the kisses, twelve in total so far. It made you dizzy with each kiss. The kisses were his way of declaring his love for you without words. Twelve declarations of love and counting with no sign of stopping. There was no way you would be able to get used to this. Each little kiss felt like the first. It made your lips tingle, your cheeks blush and it made you feel warm all over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When you thought about being in love, you never really thought it would feel like this. At first, it was tingling skin whenever skin touched. Then it evolved to feeling butterflies whenever he smiled. Shy smiles and willing for your heart to stop beating so fast whenever he would talk to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now it was different. Sure, those things happened still, but now? Now it felt like warmth. Every inch of your body bathed in warmth like sinking into a bath after a long day or sitting by a fire with hot chocolate. It felt like fresh sheets from the dryer and the cool summer air. It felt like laughter until there were tears spilling from your eyes. The warmth you feel after coming from a cold winter day. That’s how love feels like now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things were different between you and him now. A new thing that neither of you speak of, but the gentle kisses he gives you tells you enough.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I would like to thank Daniella for beta reading and helping me edit!!</p><p>I also would like to thank you!! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and giving kudos. It really means a lot and I love reading your comments after every update.</p><p>Daniella's AO3: @fangirl0715<br/>Daniella's tumblr: @supergeekfangirl</p><p>My social media:<br/>https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I apologize for the later upload than usual lmao, life has been busy!<br/>Speaking of busy and apologizing, I will be taking a bit of a break from updating! I know it sucks but things have been piling up and I am very behind on schoolwork along with other things lol. </p>
<p>I will be back on November 9th though so please be patient. </p>
<p>I appreciate you all for reading, commenting, and giving so many kudos. I would also like to thank Daniella, a wonderful beta reader, and friend for helping me out with this! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few days since the party. A few days since Spencer kissed you. A real kiss. He had found himself kissing you a lot in between then and now. One of his favorite times to kiss you was when you were working on physical training. He would help you, of course he would, but there would be times where he just made sure you were okay. He’d keep a steady arm out for you to grab when you needed support and when you were finished with the exercise he would press a quick kiss to your lips before ushering you off to the next thing you had to do.</p>
<p>It drove you insane, you wanted to kiss him longer but instead he would smile innocently and cheer you on.</p>
<p>Kissing each other whenever possible was a new thing implemented along with sleeping in each other's beds. It didn't matter if it was his bed or yours, but every night the comforting feeling of you next to him lulled Spencer to sleep, only waking to you pressed against his side and snoring quietly.</p>
<p>He was right about red noses and kicked off blankets. Usually, you'd kick away the blanket to get closer to him and press your cold feet against his calves. It didn't bother him too much honestly, it made him smile every time he woke up to find you tangled up with him. But it was getting colder and sooner than later, you would most definitely catch a cold with how often the blanket got bunched up at the end of the bed or on the floor. </p>
<p>It made him invest in some fleece pajamas for both of you. The moment he had seen them in the store, he bought as many as he could all ranging from solid colors to crazy patterns and themed ones. He tried his best to hide the clothes but the moment he stepped into the apartment carrying not only groceries, which he originally went out for, but also bags from a clothing store. You’re quickly up from the couch and grabbing the groceries. At first, you think the bags of clothes are for him, which was right to an extent, but as soon as he begins pulling out smaller sizes of the same thing you're being roped into trying on every item he had bought.</p>
<p>It resulted in laughing at the prints to snapping photos of each other doing the most ridiculous poses in the new pajamas. Some of those photos ended up in frames that littered the apartment. One of the photos had you and Spencer in the frame, the both of you sitting on the couch, and Spencer pulling a silly face just as the camera captures the moment which makes you laugh full-heartedly.</p>
<p>Every time Spencer passed that photo that sat on the entryway table, he stopped for a while, admiring the photo and smiling softly before going on with his day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was nearing the end of Spencer's vacation and he was accompanying you to the BAU to give your official statement about what had happened while also trying to recount all the tiny details that might have slipped your mind. Spencer, of course, wasn't allowed in the room while you were being talked to, but you knew he would be close by if you needed him so it didn't bother you all that much, plus, you were in safe hands with your friends. </p>
<p>Prentiss and JJ were the ones who talked to you. Even though they were friends of yours, there was a difference in their demeanors. They were poised but kind, offering to grab you water or tea but you politely refuse. Going to therapy helped a lot, it helped you cope and move past what had happened without shifting the blame on anyone. But while they were asking you to try and remember anything about what had happened it was difficult to really recall anything.</p>
<p>It took a while, but you begin talking about what happened the day he took you. What you noticed about the man in the cafe, what he asked you when he did talk to you there. Once it gets into the deeper parts of what happened, it chokes you up and you shed a few tears. JJ is immediately handing you tissues and offering you a reassuring hand before you're continuing.</p>
<p>You speak briefly about the warehouse, about anything you heard while you were there. How he smelled like gasoline sometimes. How he didn't speak a single word to you, but he would sit in the room and watch you struggle for hours getting off to it before slipping out and leaving you to starve. You talk about everything you noticed, everything you knew, and when the interview is done, Prentiss and JJ are comforting you, arms around you, engulfing you in a warm embrace. </p>
<p>After that, Spencer went home with you and you spent the rest of the day in his bed listening to him read Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems from a book he had bought recently. You've done your fair share of crying, but you couldn’t help it, tears escaped your eyes while Spencer carefully ran his fingers through your hair. Pressing soft kisses to your skin and leaving words of praise on your lips, coaxing you to lay down and rest for a while so he could take care of you like how you take care of him. </p>
<p>You ended up in his arms, book abandoned on the nightstand, and exchanging kisses. Slow kisses that felt like honey, slow and sweet. Warmth filled your heart as he tucked strands of your hair behind your ear.</p>
<p>"I love you" you whispered. </p>
<p>"and I love you." He whispered back, his lips slotting between yours and slowly swiping the tip of his tongue against your bottom lip. Kisses that leave your lips raw and red, but a giddy feeling in your stomach and glassy eyes. These kisses are the kisses you don't count. These kisses were only for the two of you. No official counter of how many of these kisses you've exchanged.</p>
<p>Even if you kept count, you'd forget how many times they've happened because they leave you breathless and dizzy. Whenever these kisses happened, you're melting into his touch, losing awareness of what's happening around you, only focusing on how Spencer's lips tasted like peppermint and coffee and how intoxicating it was.</p>
<p>After that, Spencer returns to work. Only on desk duty for now, or at least he claims, but you're left alone in the apartment trying to piece your life together. You end up quitting your cafe job, the owner doesn't seem upset or angry about it. He only wishes you well over the phone and apologizes about what had happened under his roof. He tells you that you're welcome back anytime, worker or customer. The conversation reminds you that there are good people out there and that you shouldn't be cynical.</p>
<p>You take up more freelancing jobs, occasionally you were patched into Garcia's computer if she needed help coding, but the majority of your days were spent at the comfort of your home.</p>
<p>It bothered you a bit. Being stuck inside while everyone's moving on and living their own lives. It motivated you to slowly integrate yourself back into society. Going out to pick up things at the little store at the corner of the street. Which evolves to taking walks around the neighborhood and that turns into you finally being comfortable with being outside again. </p>
<p>Spencer, although knows that it was bound to happen eventually, is still wary about the whole thing. He's supportive, but there are times where you spot him from the corner of your eye hiding behind a bush. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first time Spencer gets called out to the field, you're browsing through some half-priced books at your local bookstore. He calls you immediately, out of breath, and the team talking in the background. </p>
<p>"Hey! Sorry, it was loud in there, so I stepped out." He says, tucking himself next to a filing cabinet and peering into the conference room every once in a while.</p>
<p>"Hey, bub. What's up? Did you forget something at home?"</p>
<p>"No no, uh... Hotch asked me if I'm ready to get back into the field." </p>
<p>You knew it was inevitable, Spencer was staying still for too long and you were preparing for him to get back to work, but it still hurt. "Are <em> you </em> ready to go back?"</p>
<p>He seems hesitant, the starting and stopping of sentences and constant throat clearing, "Y-Yeah I think I am."</p>
<p>"Then you should do it, I'll be fine Spence. I'll hang out with Garcia while you're gone"</p>
<p>"Are you sure? I can tell him no. I-I could tell him I'm more suited to desk work."</p>
<p>This makes you snort, and Spencer already pictures you rolling your eyes. "Spencer Reid. You and I both know you hate desk work. If you want to go out on the field again, then do it. I'll be fine, promise."</p>
<p>The silence on Spencer's end worries you, maybe you worded that a little harsh, as soon as you open your mouth to apologize, Spencer cuts you off, "As long as you're sure you'll be okay alone in the apartment."</p>
<p>"I promise. Just come home safe okay?"</p>
<p>"Always. I love you, I'll be home soon," he whispers.</p>
<p>It still feels like a dream, Spencer telling you he loves you. When you hear the words, warmth spreads all over your body, cheeks turning pink and ducking your head down to keep strangers from listening in on the private conversation.</p>
<p>"And I love you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Garcia spends a lot of time with you. You suspect Reid had asked her to keep you company while he was gone and whenever Garcia wasn't working, she was sitting on the couch flipping through tv channels and discussing what she wants to do to bring the BAU into the next century. </p>
<p>"Look, I just think the BAU should have some sort of database for evidence. Like, I know we have <em> our </em> database up and running, but that's all the paper stuff, what we need now is an online database that shows physical evidence so we don't have to keep asking agents to run to the evidence room." She says.</p>
<p>"Penn, that's a different- you know what, fantastic idea. I think you should ask Hotch about it and if he says yes, I will gladly help you."</p>
<p>The day goes by and Penelope stays as long as possible until she gets called away.</p>
<p>That's how it is for the next few days, Garcia showing up at your apartment and staying for as long as possible, phone calls from Spencer, and working on programming. In the beginning, Spencer would call whenever he had the free time, but as the case goes on, the number of calls you receive dwindles. It didn't bother you that much, he was working and you were too, but it made you miss him even more.</p>
<p>It's usually when you're laying in his bed, engulfed in his blankets and taking in the lingering scent that had embedded itself in the fabric, that you miss him the most. No matter how busy you kept yourself during the day, nights were tough. You just got so used to sleeping next to him, the sound of his breathing, but now? The apartment is eerily quiet and it forces you to wallow in your thoughts. </p>
<p>Spencer wasn't doing all that well either. Sure he was preoccupied with the case, spending every waking minute working, but the times he shuts his eyes for a minute of rest, all he can picture is you. </p>
<p>The case seems like an open and shut case, but it was never that simple. It goes south very quickly and results in Spencer watching an unsub that he related to killing himself in front of him. He loves his job, he does, but days like this has him downtrodden. Imagining all the possible ways he could have helped the unsub, imagining if <em> he </em> didn't choose different options, he could easily be the unsub.</p>
<p>No one seems all that shaken up about it on the way home, but Spencer quietly looks over his current chess game to disguise his internal struggle.</p>
<p>He arrives back at home around one in the morning, a sigh on his lips and bags under his eyes once again. As quietly as he can, he shuffles through the silent apartment, floorboards creaking under his feet and pushing open your bedroom door. He checks to see if you were sleeping only to find the bed made, for a second it worries him, brain thinking of all the worst possible scenarios before he's thinking clearly again.</p>
<p>He ends up lingering by his own door, a hesitant hand on the doorknob and preparing himself mentally, shoving his thoughts and this case in the depths of his memories. It was impossible of course. He remembers everything about it. He remembers every case he's gone on, every case that goes south, every killing he has seen, and it weighs his soul down. Images of lost children, times where he could have helped more, the lasting trauma that seeps through his skin and latches onto his heart, all of it plaguing his mind.</p>
<p>He doesn't say anything about it though, not to a soul, he doesn’t want others to take pity on him. Think that his <em> gift </em> was a curse. It took years to learn that himself between the bullying, his home life, and even at work.</p>
<p>As he slowly pushes the door open, your figure under the mess of blankets is the first thing he sees. He's grateful that the bedding wasn't kicked off the bed, it would make it difficult to sneak into bed with an armful of pillows and blankets. He makes quiet work of undressing, tie first, his fingers pulling at the fabric until it's loose and tossing it into the hamper. He's trying to be as quiet as he can but as he's pulling open his drawer for something to change into, the clunking of the heavy wood resonates throughout the apartment. </p>
<p>"Spence?" You mumble, half-asleep, poking your head out from the cocoon you had made.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's me. Sorry, I woke you." He whispers, quickly grabbing a mismatched pair of pajamas from the open drawer and unbuttoning his shirt to change. He's quick in changing. The cold had begun seeping through the floorboards and he suspects there's a draft somewhere.</p>
<p>You wiggle around in your place a bit, untucking the blankets from under you and lifting it up for Spencer to crawl into the warmth when he's ready. It takes him a while, he's stumbling a bit when he tries to put on his pajama pants, stepping and missing the hole. It makes you laugh under your mess of blankets before he's finally getting into bed. </p>
<p>"Just because you made me laugh, I won't blame you for letting all the cold air into my warm safe haven." You whisper, shifting around until you're pressed up against Spencer. </p>
<p>"Thank you so much, I appreciate the kind gesture." He whispers back, "I missed you."</p>
<p>"I missed you too."</p>
<p>He's quiet, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing his cold nose against your warm skin. He wouldn't admit it, it was extremely embarrassing, but he takes in your scent, he always does when he does that, lavender and some citrus smell. It smells like home to him and it reminds him that no matter how bad things get at work, or in his life, he still has you. </p>
<p>You will always be here for him with a warm cup of tea and a soft smile. You have kind words and reassuring touches that he couldn't get anywhere else. Another reason why he was so hopelessly in love with you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I would like to thank Daniella for beta reading and helping me edit!!</p>
<p>I also would like to thank you!! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and giving kudos. It really means a lot and I love reading your comments after every update.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl0715/pseuds/fangirl0715">Daniella's AO3</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://supergeekfangirl.tumblr.com/">Daniella's Tumblr</a>
</p>
<p>  <a href="https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness">My social media</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'M BACK!<br/>Hello, happy Monday!<br/>Just a few things to go over and an announcement about this fic</p><p>I am tired. I am currently in the process of moving and working on other things which is pretty exciting I think. I am also very knee-deep in school work and figuring out a life balance for everything lmao.</p><p>I'm desperately trying to write but am finding it stressful because when I started writing this, it was just a fun thing I did on my free time and eventually had such a big backlog of chapters that I thought I could publish it on a schedule which is productive.<br/>But I feel like posting on a schedule would work if I had already written all the chapters (which I have not).<br/>It also made me write things that I am not necessarily proud of other people reading because I think I could really write something really good if I had more time. Which brings me to my next point.</p><p>I will be letting go of my schedule and posting new chapters when I feel like they're ready. I want to write things I'm proud of and I found out that posting on a schedule really made me feel like I was writing things for school (which is yucky) and I fell into a big pit of writer's block.<br/>So for the betterment of this fic, along with my life, I will be posting chapters when I think they're ready and I hope that everyone understands. I really love writing this fic and I want to see it out through the end because I have so many ideas about it. So thank you for sticking with me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Spencer's still asleep by nine. To be fair, he went to bed around two in the morning, but still, it worried you. He was unusually quiet when he got home, and when you laughed at him there was no goofy smile or pretending he had done it on purpose. There was no conversation about the case, there was no wanting to know what you had done when he was gone, nothing. Even though it had been a while since he was in the field and you were expecting him to return with a bunch of stories, there was nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd usually tell you about what ridiculous thing Morgan had said on the plane, or what Prentiss was going to do on her next break. There were no stories about Henry or Michael that he heard from JJ. Nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, the covers were returned to normal, not in its usual cocoon form and it makes you think Spencer had woken up and rearranged it. It was probably for the best, two people under the covers like that under so many blankets? It must have gotten too hot for Reid. This way at least you could see him soundly asleep, his arm draped across your middle and his head resting on your shoulder. Even in his sleep, you could tell he was upset, a wrinkle in between his eyebrows as if he was in deep thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your hand finds its way into his hair, gently combing your fingers through the hair on his nape and staring up at the ceiling thinking of ways to bring up the case or at the very least find out what's bugging him so much. Your brain lands on breakfast in bed for some reason. It would make him smile at least and hopefully, it'll open up the conversation of what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting out from under Spencer's hold is difficult. Every time you try slipping out of his embrace, he's pulling you in closer and rubbing his nose against your neck. It takes a while, but you're able to do it, replacing your spot with one of your pillows in hopes that it smells enough like you to tide him over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slipping out of the room is easy enough. You think about what to make him as you make your way down the hall and decide on something sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn't want to say it was because of you, but it was because of you Spencer had gotten a sweet tooth for breakfast. It may have been because you bought a box of pop tarts one week. You had gotten a craving for it and Spencer had never had pop tarts before so you gave him a sleeve one morning. He had taken a hesitant bite before devouring the rest and demanding that the pantry be stocked with them for the rest of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You decide on french toast and some eggs, bacon if there is any in the fridge, and fresh orange juice. It is easy to make and quick enough, just in case Spencer decides to wake up any time soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Making breakfast takes little time, the orange juice happens to be the most time-consuming part. It really takes a while to even get a glass full and when you’ve done it, your arms are tired and hands red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carefully, you place everything onto a tray and make your way back into the room. Spencer’s still asleep, face pressed against your pillow and snoring, it seems like he is drooling even. You feel bad about waking him, but if he doesn’t get up now breakfast will get cold, besides he probably had to get to work soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spence,” you whisper, gently placing the tray onto the bed before crawling back into bed, hand finding its way into his hair once again and gently scratching at his scalp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”You gotta get up bub,” You say, waiting patiently for a response and finding that he’s basically knocked out. “Doctor Spencer Reid. Reid. Spencer. Spence. Bub. Babe. Darling. Light Of My Life. Honey. Sweetness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You continue to say pet names in hopes that at least one of them will catch Spencer’s attention and coax him to wake up. Eventually, his eyes are cracking open, just enough to see you. The room is still dim, curtains blocking out the bright morning light, but it still makes it difficult to fully open his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you call me Sweetness?" He says raspily, lifting his head up and wiping away the drool on his cheek, "I heard it in my sleep."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did, good morning. I made you breakfast." You reply, smiling softly and pushing his hair away from his face. It had gotten so long so fast and you wonder if he plans on growing it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's sluggish, taking his sweet time to sit up and relishing in the feeling of your hand in his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since living together, you’ve noticed how much Reid likes physical touch. He's always trying to stand near you and have some sort of contact with you whether or not you are actively engaging in a conversation with him. It is his love language.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just likes knowing you're there with him even if you're not talking or doing the same thing. A hand on your ankle when you're lounging on the couch and working on your computer. His leg touching yours when you're eating on the couch and watching a scary film.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, he was skittish when it came to initiating contact, but over time you both became accustomed to the new development. Eventually you began initiating the contact knowing it was how Reid liked to show his affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Does this mean I can call you Sweetness and other pet names?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You look down at the half-asleep man who leans into your touch a bit more and smiles, "If you want to, I don't mind it at all." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corner of his lips turns upwards into a smile as he gets up, pressing a soft kiss to your temple as he gets comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You made me breakfast?" He says, changing the subject, his cheeks turning into such a pretty shade of pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a minute you're too distracted by the color on his face, something you're never going to get used to honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, french toast because you've been on a sweet breakfast foods train, and well... we're out of pop tarts."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer laughs as you carefully drag over the tray and place it on his lap. He pours syrup all over the french toast and you can already smell how sickly sweet it is from where you sit. It doesn't bother Spencer at all, only entices him to dig right in, his tongue licking his lips in between the bites. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You weren't quite sure how to bring up the case. Spencer was acting like himself again, but if you didn't bring it up, he would just keep whatever was bothering him under lock and key. You end up stealing bites of bacon from the plate, thinking of a casual way to bring up last night. Spencer's still thoroughly invested in breakfast though, no qualms about your unusual behavior. He even feeds you some of the french toast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, how was the case?" You end up saying, there was no easy way to bring it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, uh... it was good." He says. You can tell it is a lie. For a split second, you can see the crack in his facade. It is much easier to notice now that you know that Spencer keeps his emotions in check to keep anyone from worrying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of the utensils scraping on the ceramic is deafening; it just made everything awkward to talk about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know when I was younger, I accidentally broke a plate that my mom had painted for my granddad because I wouldn't stop using it. I thought if I used it, I'd get closer to her... It's a silly thought, but in a way it helped, but I uh... accidentally broke it and didn't tell my granddad about it because I thought he would be angry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watch as Spencer turns his attention to you, knife and fork abandoned on the plate. "He noticed that I was getting anxious and paranoid and realized that I was hiding something and to be fair, he was right, I was miserable... He sat me down and talked to me about my mom and eventually, I told him about the plate and showed him where I hid it. I felt so much better after admitting what had happened and granddad wasn't angry at all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was like you could see the gears turning in Spencer's brain, eyebrows knitted together in thought, the cute side smirk he does when he's concentrating on something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The unsub... ended up committing suicide," Spencer says, a sigh escaping his lips as he hunches in on himself, "And I guess I saw a lot of myself in him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer was someone who could have easily ended up like the unsub. Throughout most of his years Spencer had lived a life of isolation caused by him being his true self. He was bullied mercilessly and spent every waking moment of his life with his head in a book. If he had chosen different things, if he didn't become a profiler, he could have easily been someone like that unsub. Someone who thought the only way of getting better was through death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought terrified him. Just thinking of different choices he could have made that would result in a different outcome in his life. He wouldn't be in a career that helps people. He wouldn't have gotten to know his friends. He wouldn't be sitting here with you and the wonderful breakfast you had made him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Spencer Reid. You are a wonderful person with a mind that is so vast it amazes me. Even if you feel like you saw a lot of yourself in the unsub... you are you. You are a whole different person who plays chess for </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You are terrible at picking up social cues but can read a person's body language and you use that to figure out whether or not a person is upset or not. You are someone who took all the hardships you've faced and turned it into motivation. You are Spencer Reid, you are not the unsub."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your movements are slow, cautious about scaring Spencer as you gently rest your hand on his cheek. The soft look in your eyes makes Spencer melt, relaxing under your touch as his hand comes up to cover your own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are human Spence, you're allowed to feel this way and show it. You can cry, yell, get angry. No one's going to think you're weak if you're upset and you show it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it's the way you said everything with conviction, or maybe it's because it's you who said it, but Spencer feels like he's on fire. He could compare his entire being to a lit candle, the wick dangerously close to extinguishing itself but when he hears you speak of him that way, it reminds him he still has a long way to go before going out. There is more to accomplish, more life to live. He couldn't be brought down by a metaphorical gust of wind. Hearing you say those things, relit the excitement and passion he has for his job... for life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure there would be rough cases just like this one that will bring him to his knees and plague his memories, but no matter what, he was still Doctor Spencer Reid. A person. Not a computer that is helpful for work only, not a mindless robot who doesn't feel. He is a human being with feelings and emotions and he can express them at any time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer's hand travels down to your wrist and taking hold, his fingers curling over and holding onto you. He's a bit worried that it'll set you off, make you think of what happened, but your eyes are soft, a shy smile on your lips and a reassuring nod encourages him to keep going. Slowly, he pulls you closer to him, meeting you halfway with a kiss. Chapped lips meeting your soft ones, he tastes mint and a hint of orange on your lips and he's intoxicated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lays you down, breakfast abandoned at the foot of the bed, his hands slowly begin to wander. Fingertips grazing over the soft skin on your hip, it sends shivers up your spine and it only makes you pull him in closer. This was all new territory for the both of you, the kissing had never gotten this far, but Spencer just couldn't stop. His hands roam up and down your body, and you do nothing to stop him, only encouraging him by unbuttoning the few top buttons of his pajama shirt. He's nervous, you can tell, you can sense the hesitation in his kiss when you're finally able to unbutton his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm okay Spencer," you whisper as you pull away a bit, a soft smile on your lips, "Are you okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer swallows, clearing his throat a bit as his face turns red. He tries to hide the very evident blush on his face and his eyes don't dare to look at the current state you're in, "Y-Yeah, I uh, just... um... first... time doing this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't have to say it out loud, you knew just from how embarrassed he is and the shaky tone but either way it warms your heart that he is nervous and wants to disclose the information with you before anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We don't have to do anything if you're not ready."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer is more than ready honestly, he can recount times where he catches himself daydreaming about just the feeling of your skin on his, it's embarrassing sure but he kept the daydreams to himself. He is eager and wants nothing more, but he is nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's had relationships before, a little fooling around, but those relationships had never gotten this far. Previous relationships had only gotten so far to mutual masturbation or something along those lines. Spencer wasn’t really comfortable with the idea of sex. It was messy and intimate and he didn’t really find the need to do it. Whenever the subject of sex was put on the table and he brought up how it made him uncomfortable, his partner would pretend that it was fine. This ultimately brought the relationship to an end with a guise that Spencer was a workaholic and didn’t have time for a serious relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So no, Spencer Reid has never had sex before but he knows the overall premise of it. He’s read so many books about sex and sexuality, seen videos about it, hell he’s even written a well-acclaimed research paper about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've never really done it" He spits out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not asking if you've done it, I'm asking if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, it's okay if you want to and aren't ready."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spencer gulps, his hand rests on your hip giving it a gentle squeeze. The gentle action was more for him than you, a reminder that you were here with him and that it was okay to be vulnerable. He takes a moment to himself, his hand absentmindedly fiddling with the hem of your shirt as he thinks of the proper way to explain what was happening in his head. You don't rush him, a soft smile on your lips as you watch as he goes through the motions. You can clearly tell what he's feeling just by the little facial expressions he's doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I want to, with you..."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I would like to thank Daniella for beta reading and helping me edit!!</p><p>I also would like to thank you!! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and giving kudos. It really means a lot and I love reading your comments after every update.</p><p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl0715/pseuds/fangirl0715">Daniella's AO3</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://supergeekfangirl.tumblr.com/">Daniella's Tumblr</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://linktr.ee/sleeperbusiness">My social media</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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